Posted in Discipline in kids

How to Respond When Your Preschooler Calls You Names

Posted on by Tim Connolly

Don’t be surprised if your preschooler calls you anything from a ‘stupid-head’ to a ‘doo-doo face.’ It’s common for 3 and 4-year-old kids to test your reaction by using ‘potty words.’

The way you react to name-calling, however, makes a big difference in how likely your preschooler is to continue the name-calling.

Manage Your Reaction

Although it may be tempting to laugh when your preschooler calls you a silly name, paying too much attention to the name-calling encourages your preschooler to do it again. Similarly, if you get angry and turn it into a big deal, you may also inadvertently encourage the behavior to continue.

Sometimes, ignoring words is the best course of action. If you don’t show a big reaction, your child may move on and forget the word he tested out.

If he repeats the word or he continues to show disrespect, it’s important to intervene. Respond by saying, “That hurts my feelings when you call me names. Please don’t do that again,” and then walk away and focus on a different subject. This lets your child know that it is an inappropriate word won’t attract your attention.

Teach Appropriate Ways to Deal with Anger

If your child is hurling insults because he’s angry, it’s important to teach him new skills. He needs to know it’s not OK to use words that hurt other people’s feelings.

Teach your child a few simple anger management skills. Let him know that feeling angry is okay but hurting other people is not acceptable.

Help him learn to verbalize his feelings so he can say, “I’m angry,” rather than “You’re stupid.” Kids who can say how they’re feeling are less likely to show you that they’re mad.

Provide Consequences When Necessary

If your child continues calling you names, or he starts calling his siblings names, provide a negative consequence. A brief time-out or removal of privileges may be necessary to help him learn that he can’t call you names.

It’s important to curb the behavior as soon as possible so he doesn’t call other children names when he’s in school.

Create Rules About Respect

Establish a rule about treating other people kindly. Make it clear that you don’t allow people to hurt anyone’s body with physical aggression and that you also won’t allow hurting anyone’s feelings with verbal aggression.

Teach how name calling hurts people and that it’s not a nice thing to do. Sometimes, even saying the word, “Ouch,” when your child calls you a name can reinforce to her that it hurts your feelings.

Remind him of the rules when he calls someone names. Say, “We use kind words in our family and those words are not kind.”

Catch Your Child Using Kind Words

Encourage your child to use kind words by praising her. Say, “That was so nice of you to tell your sister she looks pretty,” or “Thank you so much for saying you like the sandwich I made for you.”

Praise reinforces good behavior. So the more you praise your child for using appropriate language, the more likely she’ll be to keep up the good work.

Role Model Appropriate Language

If you swear or call people names in your everyday language, your child will copy you. It’s essential to role model kind and respectful language.

Don’t allow name calling in the house. That includes pets. If you call the dog stupid, your child will begin calling people stupid.

Don’t ever call your child names. Saying things like, “You’re such a brat,” reinforces to your child that it’s okay to call people names (not to mention it can cause some emotional scars). Role model how to use kind words, even when you’re feeling angry and frustrated. You can help your children to learn different things from the popular children book series and they can learn about financial freedom and life lessons.

Posted in Financial freedom

Selective Service, the Draft, and Your 18-Year-Old

Posted on by Tim Connolly

Signing up for the draft is something that strikes concern in the hearts and minds of parents. Sometimes parents are concerned by the fact that the process seems overwhelming, while other times they just don’t like the possibility that their son might have to go to war. But regardless of their concerns, their son must still register.

The original Selective Service system was started in 1940 when the government was concerned that additional manpower would be needed for World War II. Even though the draft did not exist for the Civil War and World War I, historically, we had something similar even then; but the government wanted to have an independent agency to handle drafting young men to serve their country.

Consequently, men were drafted for World War II, the Korean War, and for the Vietnam War. But it went dormant shortly after that and the country stopped registering young men. Then, in 1980, Congress passed the Selective Service Act and the country has registered young men ever since.

Today, all young men are still required to register with the federal Selective Service when they turn 18 or within 30 days of their 18th birthday. Even conscientious objectors and the disabled are required to register. If the draft is reinstated, they can register their objections or disabilities then. Immigrants, including illegal aliens, refugees, and men in this country on green cards are required to register as well.

There are a few exceptions, including young men already on full-time active military duty, as well as men in hospitals, psychiatric facilities, or in jail, but they must register within 30 days of release.

Keep in mind though, there has not been a military draft in the United States since the Vietnam War in the 1970s. But, if the draft is ever resumed, men ages 18-25 will make up the draft pool.

How to Register for the Draft

Young men may register online at the Selective Service website, by mail, or at a post office, using a Selective Service postcard available at any post office. Your son will need to have his Social Security number handy when he registers. Some states even allow young men to register when getting their license. And, there also is an opportunity to register for the draft while filling out the Free Application for Federal Student Aid (FAFSA) form for college.

Young men may register up to 30 days after their 18th birthdays, but they also can do it online as early as three months after their 17th birthday. When young men use this route, the Selective Service holds the applications, then processes the paperwork a month before the big birthday and sends out a confirmation card.

It is important to note that all young men must register with the Selective Service including immigrants and young men in this country illegally. In fact, registering for the draft may help undocumented young men because it provides them with a federal document indicating that they are in this country as a step toward citizenship. But, if immigrants do not register for the draft, they are delayed in applying for citizenship.

Meanwhile, young women do not need to register at this time. Although women can serve in the military, they are not obligated to register for the draft. The law underwent a review by the Supreme Court in 1981 and was reviewed again by the Department of Defense in 1994.

However, some transgender students do need to register for the draft. This requirement is based on what the person’s gender was at birth as listed on the birth certificate. As a result, a person that was born male but underwent a sex reassignment surgery to become female still must register for the draft.

Meanwhile, young people that were born female but had surgery to become male, are not required to register for the draft. Yet, given the risk of data match errors, they may want to register for the draft any way to avoid off problems with applications for financial aid and so on.

Penalties for Not Registering

Parents and young men need to realize that it is a felony not to register for the draft. The punishment includes fines of up to $250,000 and up to five years in prison. What’s more, the Selective Service and driver’s license application systems are linked in 40 states. A young man cannot get a driver’s license if he has not registered.

Additionally, in all 50 states, students who fail to register are not eligible for student loans or college grants, government jobs, or federally-funded job training. And immigrants who do not register may be denied citizenship.

How the Draft Works

If the draft is reinstated, it will be conducted as a lottery. The draft lottery would be based on birthdays. The first men to be drafted into service would be those that are 20 years old during the year of the lottery. The lottery would continue in this manner, year by year, until young men who are 26, the oldest eligible for the military draft, are selected.

The lottery is conducted beginning with two large air mix drums, much like any other lottery. One drum is for balls with a date and month on them and the other has balls with numbers from one to 365. One ball is drawn from each drum and those with the dates are each paired with one that has a number.

These are then handed over to the Selective Service office, which begins the process of drafting young men into service, starting with number one. Because this creates a random selection of birthdates, it is an unbiased and fair way to determine the order in which young men are called up.

In the nutshell

It is very important for young men to register for the draft within 30 days of their 18th birthday. For this reason, you may want to put a reminder on your calendar to be sure the application is filled out on time; or begin the process early while he is still 17. Given the penalties for forgetting, it is not something you want to slip through the cracks.

Teaching money management to teenagers is also an important factor, try to teach them about money management so they have not to face any difficulties in the future.

Posted in Financial freedom

Making Sense of Your Child’s College Financial Aid Package

Posted on by Tim Connolly

How to understand, compare, and negotiate offers

Aside from the acceptance letter, no letter holds more significance than the letter containing a college’s financial aid package. After all, there is a lot at stake financially. In fact, according to “The Princeton Review,” 85 percent of college students estimated their college cost would be more than $50,000 and 41 percent of those students said it would be more than $100,000. Tuition prices continue to climb, making affordability and worries about debt the number one concerns for high school seniors.

For this reason, it is extremely important for students and their families to take the time to truly understand their college aid award letters. This is extremely important because it gives you insight into the net price of the college, which includes the college’s tuition, room and board, and fees (minus grants, scholarships, and financial aid awards). 

It also allows you to compare colleges, especially if you have received financial aid offers from more than one institution. While it is tempting just to look at the bottom line, you want to carefully evaluate what makes up that final number.

For instance, how much of the aid package actually consists of student loans that must be repaid and how much consists of grants and scholarships that do not have to be repaid? Overall, your goal is to be sure you are maximizing the amount of free money your student receives. Remember that you do not have to accept everything that is in the offer. You can pick and choose, especially when it involves loans and work-study programs.

Understanding the Letter

Financial aid award letters are the key to determining how you are going to pay for college, including how much of the fees will come out of your own pocket and how much the college will pay for. If you submitted a Free Application for Federal Student Aid (or FAFSA form) and were approved for financial aid or merit aid, you should receive a financial aid letter from every school that accepted your student. If you do not receive a letter, contact the college’s financial aid office to be sure they have received your FAFSA form.

As you begin to review your letters, keep in mind that schools have different names for these documents including everything from financial aid offer and merit letter, to award letter or financial aid package. There is no standard format for these letters. So, they are all going to look different, which can make comparing them a challenge. 

Typically, financial aid letters will include the Cost of Attendance (COA). This number is an estimate of what you and your student can expect to pay for one year at the college.

Overall, the number will likely include tuition and fees, room and board, books and supplies, transportation and personal expenses. If your Cost of Attendance is not mentioned in your letter, call the financial aid office or check the school’s website for more information.

Other items that may be included in your financial aid letter include federal student loans, work-study options, college grants, college awards and your Expected Family Contribution (EFC). Knowing what each of these items represents is an important part of making sense of your financial aid package. Here is an overview of what these different elements represent:

  • Federal student loans are loans for which you borrow money directly from the federal government. Once your student graduates, the money is paid back with interest. Sometimes a financial aid letter also will include the amount you can borrow with a credit-based loan.
  • Work study usually involves a work program provided by the school where students work to earn their financial aid.
  • College grants are typically need-based and can be given by the federal government or a state’s government.
  • College awards consist of scholarships that are awarded to a student based on need or merit. These gifts can be awarded by the school, a company, or a private organization.
  • Expected Family Contribution (EFC) is a number the school uses to determine how much financial aid you are eligible for. Many parents often assume this number represents how much they will have to pay for college. This is not true. It is used as a guide by the college. ​

​It is also important to know the difference between free money, borrowed money, and earned money. Free money is money that does not have to be paid back and usually consists of grants or aid, scholarships, fellowships, and other awards. Borrowed money is money that has to be paid back, often with interest. Examples include Federal Direct Loans and credit-based loans.

Finally, earned money is money that is applied to tuition by working and does not have to be paid back. Dissecting each of these elements is the first step not only in understanding your financial aid letter but also in comparing college aid offers. Additionally, inviting your student into this process helps them learn financial responsibility.

Facts About Financial Aid

Before you get started comparing college aid offers, it helps to know some facts about the financial aid process. For instance, research indicates that the majority of families are not going to have their actual financial need met. Even students who qualify for financial aid often end up falling short. For instance, according to the National Center for Education Statistics, undergraduates who received aid still had to take out an average of $7,600 in students loans. Meanwhile, parents of undergraduates borrowed an average of $14,000 in federal Direct PLUS Loans. 

Consequently, it is not surprising that the majority of families are shocked to see their Estimate Financial Contribution (EFC). This number is usually much higher than they anticipated, especially for parents who are sending their first child off to college. What’s more, just because a family has a demonstrated financial need, does not mean schools are obligated to meet it.

Most parents are surprised by this fact. They also are stunned to discover that what they have to pay for college is often significantly more than what they anticipated. So, they are faced with decisions about loans or selecting a different college path altogether. 

For this reason, many colleges have started offering more merit aid in the form of scholarships than in years past. It is a way for them to not only attract the top students but also address the number of students that do not qualify for any financial aid. The colleges are willing to alleviate some of that financial burden if the student has performed well in school. Still, even with these large awards, it is extremely important to go through college aid offers with a fine-toothed comb and determine which one best suits your family’s financial circumstances.

At the end of the day, a $20,000-per-year Presidential Scholarship doesn’t mean a lot if the cost to attend the school is still more than $50,000 per year.

How to Compare Offers

At first, you may feel like making comparisons will be an easy task. After all, you just need to look at the cost to attend minus any aid received. But, it’s not always that simple. Here’s how to make sure your evaluations are actually comparing apples to apples.

Decipher the Offer

Go through the letter or package line by line to determine what it contains. If you do not understand something listed, call the college’s financial aid office to find out. If your student is being offered any scholarships or awards, be sure you know if those are one-year awards or if they are renewable. If they are renewable, is there a limit on the number of semesters and quarters?

You also want to determine if there are other requirements as well such as sending a personal thank you to a donor or maintaining a certain grade point average. Be sure you distinguish between scholarships, grants, and fellowships that do not have to be repaid and loans that do need to be repaid.

Crunch the Numbers

Be sure the college’s cost estimate includes tuition, room and board, fees, as well as indirect expenses like books, supplies, and transportation. Then, make sure these numbers are in line with what you might expect. For instance, if your student will have to fly home during breaks, does the estimated transportation cost the college provided align with what you expect?

You may have to increase or decrease this number based on your personal situation.

Checking for expenses related to your child’s major is also a good idea. For instance, are there lab fees or other expenses that may not be accounted for? 

You also should study the room and board policies. Many colleges require students to live on campus the first year and may even have requirements regarding the meal plan. Be sure you know what your options are so that you can accurately compare colleges. Some financial aid letters will include the least expensive option.

If your student is hoping for a single room with the maximum meal plan, then you need to plan for this. Likewise, some dorms are more expensive than others on campus due to location, demand, and size. You want to be sure you are prepared for these situations so that you are not surprised later.

Familiarize Yourself with College Policy

If your student earned some private scholarships through your community or other sources, you will need to ask the college about its displacement policy. In other words, colleges sometimes reduce need-based aid to reflect private scholarships and awards. Some college will offset grants first—others will offset leans. These little details can make a big difference in determining which college aid package is the most generous.

It also is helpful to know what courses are taken prior to attending the college your student might receive credit for. Some colleges will give students credit for AP courses or college courses taken in high school while other institutions require students to take the courses again. These small details can impact costs down the road. 

If your student has any plans of attending graduate school, research whether or not the university offers a fast-track program where your student could potentially graduate in five years with a bachelor’s degree and a master’s. If this is the case, this could save an entire year of tuition and fees.

Make Sure You Look Long-Term

Some colleges have what is known as a “tuition guarantee.” In these situations, they freeze the tuition price for the four years your student attends and will not raise the cost. Not all institutions offer this perk, though. So, you have to look at the long-term cost as well as the short-term to accurately understand what it will cost in the end.

Additionally, some colleges “front load” aid. What this means is that they will offer more upfront and less as the student becomes an upperclassman. Again, knowing this information helps you determine the actual prize over the span of four years. Also, be sure you know what to expect if your child ends up needing five years to complete their degree.

Ask for Help

If your financial situation has changed, be sure you amend your FAFSA and appeal to the college. You also may be able to negotiate more money from an institution, especially if your child is a top-performing student. Just be polite and calm when talking with financial aid officers.

How to Negotiate a Better Offer

Of course, there is an art to getting more assistance. You cannot simply pick up the phone and demand more money. Instead, you have to be diligent, rational and persistent. Ask yourself a few questions. Why do you feel the package is lacking? Did circumstances within your family change, making it difficult for you to make tuition payments? Changes might include a recently-diagnosed illness, death of a spouse, caring for elderly relatives, multiple family members in college, or unemployment.

Be sure you communicate any changes with the financial aid officer. Perhaps your student received a better offer for aid from a different institution or is a first-generation college student. These are all things that would open the door to a discussion.

You just need to be sure you are savvy about approaching the financial aid officers. For instance, don’t call first thing Monday morning or late in the afternoon on Friday. Instead, find out the name and email address of the contact person who makes the decisions about your child’s aid; then send them a carefully crafted email. After a few days, if you do not receive a response you can follow up with a telephone call.

Keep in mind, you won’t know which schools have the best offers overall until you press them. Here are five steps you can take to negotiate a better college aid package:

Know What the Package Entails

Before you can negotiate with the school, you have to be sure you understand the initial offer in its entirety. To do this, you need to go through the aid package line by line making sure you understand everything that is included. If things do not make sense, call the financial aid office for an explanation and clarification of specific terms.

For instance, if your child’s at package says “self-help,” that could mean that the college expects your student to contribute financially from their personal accounts or off-campus employment. Or, the term could apply to work-study.

Be sure you know exactly what each line item means before you address the package with the financial aid officer.

Be sure you also determine whether any awards or scholarships are one-year awards or if they are renewable. And, if they are renewable, is there a limit to the number of semesters or quarters they can be used? You also should determine what items constitute free money and what constitutes loans that must be repaid with interest.

Having a clear understanding of what the package entails will enhance your credibility and allow you to speak knowledgeably about the offer.

Appeal the Package If It’s Not Adequate

If you feel like the amount of financial aid a college has offered is significantly lacking, ask the college’s financial aid office to reevaluate your financial aid award. Many times, colleges will have a “special circumstances” form that you can use. Also, ask if there are additional resources they can recommend such as grants, fellowships or awards that your student did not know was available.

Remember, nothing will change within the college aid package unless you make an effort to appeal it and ask for a “professional review.” Be sure you research the college’s appeal process on the university’s website though before making any requests.

Ask About Scholarships

Not every scholarship, fund, or award is listed on a college’s website. Consequently, be sure you ask if there is anything else that your child can apply for. Oftentimes, universities have funds set aside from their own scholarship and grant money that they use to attract good students who might be considering other options. There is no way for you to know if this money is available unless you ask about it.

Don’t Shy Away From Mentioning Other Offers

Many schools try to offer students a package of loans. You want to avoid this if you can. Instead, if another school has presented a better offer, mention that to the financial aid office. Let them know what you have received and ask them if they can at least match it or if they are able to bridge the gap in making their institution just as affordable as your student’s other options.

There is nothing wrong with asking a college to compete for your student’s attendance.

After all, there is not only a lot of money at stake but also your child’s future to consider. You also don’t want your student to be constantly stressed about money. Just be respectful when asking them to match another offer. You want to avoid sounding arrogant, demanding, or pushy. If you do, you run the risk that the college would prefer to just let your child go to another institution and in turn will not offer you anything.

Have a Number in Mind

Think about what you can honestly afford. You don’t want to ask for more money without having a particular number in mind. Instead, try to come up with an educated estimate on what your family can truly afford. If you feel like you cannot afford anything and paying for college is largely your student’s responsibility, then you need to consider your child’s career path. What will be the starting salary once they graduate? How much debt can they reasonably afford to take on?

The key is that you are able to support your request for additional aid with real numbers and real facts. You want to avoid coming off entitled or demanding, but instead, approach the process as partners in your child’s education. Remind them along the way that price is a key determining factor for your family because you do not want your student to start their post-grad life buried in a mountain of college debt.

Be Realistic

Remember, colleges and universities have limitations. There is only so much they can do to help you. So, it is not necessarily realistic to expect the college to take your student’s college aid package from no college aid at all to a full ride. Instead, set reasonable and attainable goals.

Even if the college can offer only a few thousand dollars more, remember that a little bit more is better than nothing at all. In the end, you and your student will have to make the decision that makes the most financial sense.

Leave Fear at the Door

Do not be afraid to ask for more financial assistance in helping your incoming freshman attend the institution of their dreams. The worst thing that can happen is that the financial aid officer will say no. They are not going to rescind your child’s admission or take away money they have already offered.

The biggest thing you have to lose is the time you spent creating your appeal letter. So, if you need a little more financial help to get your child to the school of their dreams, be sure to ask. After all, you will never know what additional help they can offer until you ask them.

In the Last

Figuring out how you will pay for college is a big deal and not a decision that should be entered into lightly. After all, your decision will have a direct impact on the amount of debt you or your student has after graduation. Ideally, you want to keep this number as low as possible. What’s more, you also want to consider the quality of academic programs, graduation rates, the campus culture and degrees as well as the school’s location. How did we let a generation of kids get crippled with college debt bubble?

Remember that while the net price you will pay is a priority, it should not be the only factor you use when determining the best fit for your student. Ideally, you want to choose a college where your student will get the best value for the money spent on education.

Posted in Parenting

Colic? How to Calm Your Crying Baby

Posted on by Tim Connolly

All babies cry. Most babies cry a lot. Some babies are more easily comforted, others can routinely work themselves into a frenzy. Of course it sends your heart racing. That’s Mother Nature’s way of insuring that the human race survives.

They must be dazzled and overwhelmed by the feast for the senses that greets them with every new day in the world. Their brains and nervous systems need time to mature so they can handle all the stimulation we take for granted. Crying is a way of expressing that overwhelm.

“She cries a lot. How do I know if this is colic?”

Colic is traditionally defined as 3 hours or more of daily crying, at least three times a week. 20% of babies are officially diagnosed with colic. But you could think of colic as simply crying that goes on and on and does not seem to have a cause.

It probably doesn’t matter if it’s actually colic, unless when your baby’s crying gets almost unbearable, it helps you to remember that there’s nothing wrong with you or him; it’s just colic. Whether it’s actually colic, or just lots of crying, it is always stressful, and it helps to know that it’s normal, it won’t last more than 3 months, and you will eventually have a perfectly cheerful baby.

“What causes all this crying?”

I’m assuming you’ve eliminated the obvious causes — i.e., the baby has been fed and burped and changed, and you’ve picked her up and moved around jiggling her, but the crying has continued. If you haven’t tried all this, start there.

The truth is that we don’t know what causes colic. There may be differing contributing causes for different babies, such as sensitivity to formula, food allergies, reflux or gastrointestinal upset.

In one study of colicky babies, when the moms stopped drinking cow’s milk, half the babies’ colic vanished. The other half, unfortunately, kept crying.

One easy thing to try that helps many irritable babies is to cut down on the foremilk they’re eating. You do this by pumping a little milk, throwing it away, and then nursing your baby. That’s because the initial milk — the foremilk — that comes out when the baby begins nursing is especially rich. Some moms make a lot of it, and some babies have such delicate digestion that it irritates them. By skipping some of the foremilk, the baby can digest the milk better, and for many babies, their crying stops.

Another miracle cure for colic was reported in the January 2007 issue of Pediatrics. The researchers had a 95% success rate by giving babies probiotics AND eliminating cow’s milk. They gave colicy babies who were breastfeeding 5 drops daily of beneficial gut bacteria (the probiotic L. reuteri). All the moms were asked to eliminate cows milk from their diet. 95% of the probiotic babies improved, as opposed to only 7 percent of the control babies, with crying improving somewhat in the first week and dramatically within a month. If this study is repeated with the same results by other researchers, probiotics will soon be prescribed as the cure for colic. In the meantime, any parent with a colicky baby will probably want to conduct their own private experiment to see if it works on their baby.

“He didn’t cry much for the first couple of weeks, but now he cries every evening for a few hours!”

This is very common. As babies become more aware of their surroundings, and stay awake for longer periods during the day, they cry more. It may be that the beneficial bacteria that was in her gut from your body is now gone, or that as babies are able to attend more to the world around them, they get more and more stimulated all day, and by evening, have no other way to relieve their anxiety. In any case, the result is the behavior we call colic: crying for many hours, often late into the night.

“But I don’t know how to comfort her and I feel so inept!”

After attending to your infant’s physical health and safety, learning to comfort her is one of the most important tasks you face. That’s not because crying is so terrible for infants, but because your feeling like a competent parent is a crucial building block in your relationship with her. The most effective way to reduce crying is to recreate a womb-like environment for your baby. Below, I tell you how to do that.

But while you can probably reduce your baby’s crying, I urge you to let yourself off the hook here. There may be absolutely nothing you can do except hold her. Haven’t you had times when what you needed was just to cry and to have someone there so you wouldn’t feel so alone? Once you have done what you can to ease discomfort, that is what your baby needs more than anything.

“But I worry that there might be something wrong with him!”

Every parent worries when their baby cries and they don’t know why. But if you’ve looked for obvious causes (did you eat spicy food before you nursed him? Have you eliminated milk from your diet if you’re nursing? Changed his formula?) and his doctor sees him regularly and has pronounced him thriving, you can rest assured that crying — even long periods of incessant crying — is considered normal for infants in our society, and there is nothing wrong with your baby.

“Why do you say it’s normal in our society? Don’t babies cry everywhere?”

Actually, no. In cultures where the infant is held or worn fairly constantly, colic is apparently virtually unknown and babies rarely cry for long. We don’t know if that’s the baby wearing or the diet in those cultures, or something else entirely.

“Is there a reason to think that baby-wearing helps?”

Research shows that babies who are held or carried more (both during the colic spells and at other times) are definitely less susceptible to colic. It is possible that wearing babies is so soothing that they are less overwhelmed throughout the day and build up less tension. I used to think of myself as the lightning rod for my infants.

But another way to interpret this data is just that some babies need to be held virtually all the time. When they are put down, they cry. When they are picked up, they often stop.

“I do hold and carry my baby a lot. But in the evening, it seems that isn’t enough, and he just cries and cries.”

Sometimes holding is not enough, and babies don’t stop crying unless they are walked, jostled, danced, bounced, rocked or subjected to some other rhythmic motion, which seems to dissipate their tension. I ruined a mattress with each of our babies, because I found that holding them while jumping on the bed soothed them better than anything during that first three months, and wearing out the mattress seemed a small price to pay for a happy baby.

Whatever movement your baby responds to, it takes a lot of energy from you. But it is infinitely better than listening to your baby cry. And the gift to your baby is enormous, as she gets the message that you can be depended on when she’s miserable.

“I’ve tried everything: wearing her much of the day in a snuggly, holding, soothing, swaddling, rhythmic motion, adding probiotics to her diet, giving up milk in mine. She’s still crying! What do I do?”

You witness. Sometimes people, especially babies, just need to cry. You override any needling suspicion in your mind that there is anything wrong with your parenting by reminding yourself that “Sometimes people just need to cry” and you hold your child, and she cries, and you do whatever you need to do to stay sane.

If you can pay attention to her, sing to her, empathize, that’s great. She will feel that warm connection even while she cries. But if you can’t, no shame. Put on headphones and listen to music that blocks out her crying. Don’t be surprised if holding her, in your new calm state, helps her to stop crying, especially if you start dancing or singing to the music on your headphones.

“I just can’t calm down when he cries like this. Even when I put the headphones on, the crying seems to reverberate in my head. It’s driving me crazy!”

If you can’t calm yourself, put the baby down. It helps babies to be held while they cry (true for most of us) but not if the adult is experiencing extreme anger or anxiety.

If you think you might lose control and shake your baby, it simply isn’t worth taking that chance. Put the baby in a safe place (crib, car seat, strapped in a baby seat or swing) and shut the door to that room. Put on headphones so that you can’t hear the crying through the door. Now do whatever you need to do to calm yourself down. Step outside for a moment or open the window, and breath in some fresh air. Feel your tension draining out through your feet. Shake out your hands. Call another adult to come over. Use a mantra to calm yourself: “This is what babies do. My baby is fine. I’m a good parent.”  Remind yourself not to take the crying personally, and that this too shall pass.

It also might help you to remember the old proverb about children each offering a finite amount of grief to their parents, just so you know that you’re getting it over with up front and the teenage years will be easy!

“I buy the idea that babies need another month or two in a womb-like environment to mature. But what do I do to create a womb-like environment for my baby?”

Techniques to Use When Your Baby Cries

These are techniques to use when your baby cries, but they are also preventive tools to keep your infant from getting over-stimulated all day long.

1. Hold or wear your baby

…as much as you can. As Dr. Sears says: “In counseling parents of fussy babies, we strive for two goals: to mellow the temperament of the baby and to increase the sensitivity of the parents. Babywearing helps foster both of these goals. By creating an organized, womblike, environment, wearing lessens a baby’s need to cry.” An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.

2. Swaddle your baby.

Most newborns like to be wrapped securely. It reminds them of their snug womb. I hasten to add that as always you should listen to your baby, since there are babies who don’t like to be swaddled. And of course as babies get older they need to move, so you’ll want to swaddle only for sleeping, and only then if it helps the crying.

3. Rhythmic motion:

Again, reminiscent of the womb. Rocking works for some babies, but most of the time when they’re upset, more intense motion is called for. Some parents swear by baby swings or baby hammocks, others by putting the baby in a car seat and driving. But they don’t work for babies who need to be held at the same time that they’re moving. Some parents dance, some go up and down steps, some jump on mattresses, many develop the bobbing, swaying motion I call the Mom’s dance. Experiment to see what works for your baby.

4. White Noise:

Soothing sounds can muffle or block out the jarring traffic horns or even voices that can jangle and over-stimulate baby nerves. I found new age chanting to be effective, some people swear by their vacuum cleaner or white noise machine, others just whisper repetitive shushing noises. The sounds should not be loud enough to shock or scare your child into silence. Just provide a soothing, calming, repetitive sound.

5. Nurse your baby.

For some babies, nursing is a guaranteed instant soother. Why work any harder than that if you don’t have to? And, for the record, babies fed on a schedule are more likely to have colic. Feed your baby whenever he or she asks, and colic is less likely.

6. Explore other “cures.”

Some moms swear by infant massage. Some babies have food allergies, and if you change the formula, or if the breastfeeding mother changes her diet, the crying stops. Often a diet free of cows milk, wheat, or other common allergens is a miracle cure. Every parent of a colicky baby should try probiotics, as mentioned above.  

If you try all these suggestions and your baby keeps crying, by all means talk to your doctor, and keep asking the parents you know what worked for them. And hang in there. Sooner or later, your little screamer will be a perfectly charming baby. There are many bedtime stories to read for your children which leads to developing a good relationship with them.

Posted in Discipline in kids

What to Do If Your Child Is Biting Other Children at Daycare

Posted on by Tim Connolly

Tips for Daycare Staff and Parents for Toddlers Who Bite

Have you gotten that dreaded message from your toddler’s daycare that she has been biting other kids? Or, are you a daycare provider and wonder what to do when this behavior arises?

Proper interventions can help many kids stop biting, but it’s important not to do anything like punishing a toddler for biting or biting her back.1 See the tips below on what to do and what to avoid.

Staff Interventions to Stop Biting at Daycare

Toddlers are almost certainly too young for a lecture or even timeout. Some interventions may actually be reinforcing for biting behavior.2

Instead, daycare staff can keep simple and use these tactics:

  • Try to intervene or distract her and say “No bite” firmly, but calmly, if they are about to bite. This means that someone has to keep an extra close eye on her or shadow her for a few days, being careful to do it in a way so that they don’t know that they are getting the extra attention.
  • Say “No” or “No bite” firmly, but calmly, if they do bite.
  • After they bite, it can be a good idea to move them away from the other child and ignore them for a few minutes, although this isn’t really a formal timeout like you would use for an older child
  • Remind them not to bite from time to time, including perhaps a short reminder that “Biting hurts.”
  • Provide some praise and positive attention when they aren’t biting and is playing nicely.
  • Keep to a good routine all day, including meals, naps, and playtime.
  • Avoid asking a parent to pick up the child and sending them home after they bite, since that can reinforce biting.

Parent Interventions for Biting At Daycare

It can also be helpful to know why and when the toddler is biting.3 Are they overtired? Are they teething? Did another child try to take their blanket or toy? Is anything going on at home that has them out of their routine that you could fix?

At home, be sure to also stick to a good routine and make sure they get a good night’s sleep.4 Toddlers who are overly tired or stressed are more likely to bite at daycare. Since they aren’t doing it at home anymore, there isn’t a lot that you can do at home though.5

Spending a few days with them, so that you can intervene and get them biting under control might be helpful, although they might simply start biting again when you aren’t there. Or volunteer to help in another part of the daycare so one of their staff can watch your child and make sure they don’t bite anyone for a few days.

You might also consider that her persistent biting could mean that this daycare isn’t a good fit for them. Maybe it is too structured or not structured enough. Are there too many kids in the room?

Keep in mind that just because the daycare isn’t a good fit doesn’t mean it isn’t a good daycare. They may be doing everything right and it just isn’t working for your child for some reason.

Why You Should Avoid Overreacting

One of the worst things about having a biter is the way the parents of the kids who got bit make you feel. Unless their kids also bite, they typically don’t understand that biting is a normal developmental behavior, is rarely dangerous to their child, and that almost any toddler can turn into a biter.

Try not to feel embarrassed or pay attention to the dirty looks you might get from the parents of the kids who got bit and just focus on helping your own child stop biting.

What You Need To Know About Biting

Biting is a normal behavior or phase for most younger children,6 which is the most important thing most parents need to know.

Other important things to know about biting include:

  • Younger children often bite when they are teething, overtired, jealous, frustrated, or angry. They can also bite simply see what happens when they bite, which is especially true of infants and younger toddlers, who may just be experimenting and exploring their world.
  • You should be careful not to overreact when your child bites, which can reinforce the biting because your child gets excited about the reaction it brings about.
  • Don’t do anything like biting your child back, physically punish your child, or put anything in her mouth when she bites.

You can help your children to learn different things from children’s book series and they can learn about financial freedom and life lessons.

Posted in Financial freedom

How New Parents Can Plan to Afford Childcare

Posted on by Tim Connolly

It is no surprise that kids are expensive, but most parents are not preparing for how great the actual dollar amount becomes throughout the years. The first year of a baby’s life costs about four times what most parents expect, and according to a 2014 report from the U.S. Department of Agriculture, middle-income families will spend nearly a quarter of a million dollars raising a child from birth to age 18.

One of the biggest expenses parents endure is child care, especially while kids are young. The national average annual cost of care ranges from $10,468 for a daycare child care program to $28,905 for a nanny, according to Care.com’s new 2017 Cost of Care Survey. Depending on where you live, monthly child care expenses can be as much or more than a mortgage payment.

Is the cost worth it? Studies have shown that quality child care not only is important for a young child’s health and safety, but it also can help their developmental skills and expose them to new experiences. New parents should take the time to understand and plan for both expected and unexpected child care costs. Planning in advance can go a long way toward helping your family avoid the shock and feel more confident with your child care decisions. Below are five tips for new parents.

Talk About Your Finances

If you and your partner are planning to have children, it is important to discuss your finances before the baby arrives. Have an open and honest conversation about what your ideal child care situation looks like and do research on local childcare options. Think about what is right for your family in terms of your jobs, working hours, your earning potential, living situation, expenses, and values about childcare. Having this discussion will help you make important decisions and understand the budget associated with those decisions.

Research Child Care Options

There are many child care options and the range of costs can be overwhelming and confusing. The options include traditional daycares, in-home daycares, nannies, nanny shares, babysitters, and having you or a family members watch your child. The childcare provider you choose will impact your expenses, so understanding the pros and cons of each and the costs associated will help you figure out what is best for your family.

Evaluate Costs and Benefits

Some childcare options are more expensive than others, but those options may have benefits that are more important to you. A nanny will likely cost your family more, but your child will be watched in your home, will make the mornings less hectic for you, and a nanny may take care of light housework and laundry. She may also cook for your child. If you send your child to daycare, the costs may be lower, but you may have to pack lunch everyday for your child. You should think about whether having to pay more outweighs having to prep a bottle, diaper bag and get you and your kid out the door everyday.

Ask About Employee Benefits

More employers are understanding the importance of childcare benefits and are offering some perks, such as onsite daycare facilities, partially offsetting the cost of back-up child care or providing paid time-off to care for sick dependents. Before you have a baby make a point to sit down with your company’s human resources department and found out all the childcare and dependent benefits available to you. Also ask your company about a health FSA or flexible spending account, which allows you save dollars pre-tax and then spend them in the same year on medical expenses. You do not have to pay federal taxes on the money as long as it’s used for qualified medical expenses.

Know Your Tax Obligations and Breaks

There are childcare tax benefits and other ways to get money back for childcare. If you pay someone to take care of your children while you work, you may qualify for the Child and Dependent Care tax credit. According to the IRS, “You may be able to claim the credit if you pay someone to care for your dependent who is under age 13… to qualify, you must pay these expenses so you can work or look for work.” During tax time, make sure to ask your accountant what you quality for because it may save you a lot of money!

Final Words

Planning for child care can be complicated and overwhelming, but it’s not impossible to manage these expenses with some time and research. If you do not want to be blindsided by the costs of raising kids, do your research about money management guide, talk to your human resources department, and consult an accountant or financial planner.

Posted in Parenting

How to Reduce the Cost of Raising a Child

Posted on by Tim Connolly

The numbers are always staggering. Every January the U.S. Department of Agriculture releases its analysis of what it costs to raise a child. In 2017, the figure was $233,610 (before inflation) for a two-parent, middle-income family to raise a child to the age of 17.

And every January parents hear these numbers in the news and shake their heads. There’s no doubt it’s worth it but … wow! The question, then, becomes: does it have to be this way? Can you beat this trend while still raising your child in the way you feel best? The answer is a definite yes.

Reducing the cost of a raising child takes a combination of long-term planning and everyday discipline. The USDA bases this estimate on the Bureau of Labor Statistic’s annual Consumer Expenditure Survey, which draws a picture of an average American consumer. So it’s up to you to diverge from the average, starting with the top three costs the USDA names, in descending order: housing (29 percent of the total cost), food (18 percent) and childcare/ K-12 education (16 percent).

Housing and Education

These two are tied together because the old adage about real estate — location, location, location — applies to both. Consumers typically pay a premium for homes or rent in districts with higher-quality schools. If you are inclined to homeschool or send your child to private school anyway, it doesn’t make sense to also pay this premium. When you’re home shopping, it’s worth running the numbers of what a private school costs versus the added cost of buying in a higher-priced — and presumably higher-quality — school district. If you have more than one child, public school will likely come out cheaper, but single-child families might actually save. 

It also doesn’t make sense to pay this premium before your first child hits school age. The urge to move to a bigger house and settle in for the long haul is strong when your first child is born. The longer you wait, though, the more you will reduce your cost of raising a child.

Location is not just about individual school districts. It’s actually 27 percent cheaper to raise a child in a rural area than in an urban area in the Northeast, mostly due to the lower costs of housing and childcare. Of course, moving to a lower cost of living area has a lot more ramifications than just dollars and cents. However, when there are other benefits, such as being closer to family or the opportunity for a different lifestyle, parents do make the decision to move. When parents work from home, the lack of a tether to the workplace makes this an even more viable option.

Childcare

Childcare can be a huge expense for new parents, but thankfully it decreases as children grow and perhaps even goes away completely when they reach school age. But in those early years reducing childcare expenses means reducing your overall kid-related costs. Every family is different, but here are some possible ways to reduce childcare costs:

  • Be a stay-at-home parent. If one parent’s job is fairly low paying, it may make sense to simply quit and eliminate childcare costs, especially after the birth of a second child. Of course, to do this you may need to take other cost-cutting measures such as moving or cutting your overall spending. Also, keep in mind that you won’t save money in the long run if you don’t go back into the workforce when childcare is no longer needed.
  • Be a work-at-home parent. Parents who work from home don’t necessarily eliminate all childcare costs, but they can usually reduce them. Working part-time from home is also a good way for parents to keep their resumes up to date, making re-entry into the workforce smoother. Working from home also saves money in other ways such as commuting and clothing.
  • Have a grandparent or relative watch your child. This approach might not necessarily be free childcare, but it is usually cheaper than daycare. It can be difficult to find part-time childcare that is economical, so this is a good solution if you reduce your hours to part-time.

Food

Unlike childcare, the cost of feeding your child only increases as your child grows. That’s why the USDA estimates it costs more than $200 a month to feed a single teenager! Food expenses are the second-highest cost, so this is a place to save.

The best way to save money on food is to cook your own. Pre-cooked foods, take-out, and restaurants all cost significantly more than it does to cook your own fresh food. Easier said than done because one thing that parents lack, often more than money, is time. It can be daunting to come home from work and start cooking. This is where the self-discipline comes in. But here are a few tips to keep you cooking:

Devote a day (or at least the better part of an afternoon) to cooking. This can be once a month, once a week or somewhere in between, but set aside some time to cook ahead. When you do this, you will have the option to pull an easy dinner out of the freezer on a busy weeknight or put a slice of banana bread in your children’s school lunches instead of a pre-packaged snack.

Double your recipe. Then put half of it in the freezer for another night.

Plan your meals in advance. Make a weekly menu, figuring on a freezer meal for the nights you know you will be busy. Coming home from work and having no clue what you might cook is the easiest route to takeout.

College

In the USDA’s child-rearing estimate, costs decrease with each additional child, with what it calls the “cheaper by the dozen effect.” It states, “For married-couple families with one child, expenses averaged 27% more per child than expenses in a two-child family.”

However, the USDA’s cost estimate stops at age 18, so the big expense — college — is not included. And there, certainly, is no cheaper by the dozen effect on college tuition.

To reduce this huge cost of raising a child, you should start early, so as to spread out the hit on your income and to take advantage of the wonderful phenomenon known as compound interest. Ideally, you should start saving when your child is born. But as we have covered early, it’s expensive to raise a child so this can be tough. Wherever you are in your child-rearing journey, it’s not too late to start!

So how much should you save? Consider the one-third rule which states parents should save one-third of the costs, expect income, scholarships and financial aid to cover one third and loans for one third.

Saving gets you prepared for college and eases the big financial hit when kids enroll. However, to actually reduce the amount you spend:

  • Encourage your teenager to get a job and save for college too.
  • Get to know the financial aid process. Talk to guidance counselors and do your own research about scholarships and financial aid.
  • Carefully analyze the cost of public versus private schools. Public schools are usually much cheaper, but a good student can get private school scholarships making it competitive or possibly cheaper than public. But be wary of excessive loans from private schools.
  • Consider two years of community college followed a transfer to a four-year school.

More Ways to Save

Generally, having children forces people to be thriftier. It’s not just the big-ticket items mentioned above, but it’s the small things too that add up as a family grows, e.g. vacations, holidays, clothing, extracurricular activities, etc. Taking the time to think about ways to reduce these like saving on back to school shopping or holiday shopping is an important part of the equation.

Everyone has to maintain a financial budget and how much money should you save before having a baby, it’s difficult thing but you can learn about it just drop your comments in the comment section.

Posted in Discipline in kids

How to Stop Sibling Rivalry with One Sentence

Posted on by Tim Connolly

If there is one thing parents of multiple kids have in common… it’s the desire to know how to stop sibling rivalry.

One day, while we were driving the kids, started bickering. The timing was funny so instead of getting irritated my response was light and in that moment I stumbled upon the perfect way to stop sibling rivalry.

Instead of letting out a frustrated sigh, I giggled a little…

“You know, it’s funny that you started arguing now. I was just about to compliment you.”

And here it is. The sentence that stopped them in their tracks…

“You two are together so much, I’m so impressed with how well you get along.”

That was all it took. Within seconds Big M was apologizing and Little M was chatting about what they would do together when we got home.

I’ve tested this theory a few times since then and it works like a charm every time. I try to find very specific examples if possible.

When the kids start in on each other I’m quick to hear the “they are ALWAYS fighting” line run through my head. If I take a minute to think about it, I realize that isn’t really true. The truth is they get along much more than they don’t — the not getting along is just louder. It stands out.

The reason complimenting their relationship is so effective is that it reminds them how lucky they are. It reminds them that they do like each other… most of the time.

More ideas for how to stop sibling rivalry

The sibling relationship is the perfect place to learn how to be in a friendship. Your brother or sister is going to love you no matter what. They are going to still be there tomorrow… you get a second chance (and a third and a fourth).

  • Teach them how to compromise, how to empathize and how to apologize. By using their squabbles as lessons you will be reducing the number of squabbles that occur. Win-win!
  • Make an intentional effort to notice anything positive. Then complement it. This will help you and your kids to see the bright spots of their relationship.
  • Play games that require teamwork.
  • Create a system for sharing that respects everyone involved.
  • Be present but stay out of the middle. Support their connections as a bystander. If the problem is that one sibling doesn’t want to play right now, help them find the words to kindly say that.

Money Management for children is also an important factor, try to teach them about money management so they have not to face any difficulties in the future.

Posted in Kids

Home learning environment supports language development in early childhood and predicts academic success at age 10

Posted on by Tim Connolly

Support for language development in early childhood needs to start right at the beginning and in the home.

A new study finds that a home environment that supports language development in early childhood—across the first four years of life—predicts children’s readiness to learn in pre-school, which in turn predicts the children’s academic skills in fifth grade (age 10-11). The study focused on low-income families.

The findings challenge the idea that pre-school alone can help children “catch-up” after a poor start at home. Rather, support for language development and learning begins in infancy right at home. Other research finds that early support can mitigate the poorer outcomes commonly associated with lower socio-economic status.

The researchers also found that, to a lesser extent, the home learning environment from infancy through pre-school predicts the home learning environment at 10-11, which then supports children’s academic success at 5th grade.

So, home environment support for language development early on paves the way to academic achievement in later years through two key pathways: by supporting school readiness in preschool, and, to a lesser extent, through the home learning environment when children are 10-11 years of age.

The study, part of a wider evaluation of the early years Head Start program in USA, involved 2,024 low-income and ethnically diverse families – White, Black, Hispanic English speaking and Hispanic Spanish speaking. The results were true for children from all ethnic groups.

Researchers assessed the early language development by measuring factors known from earlier research to influence a child’s cognitive development:

  • Literacy activities in the home. Mothers were asked about book-reading, storytelling and teaching of letters, words and numbers. Children’s engagement in shared book-reading and access to print materials are associated with higher language development in early childhood: skills in vocabulary, narrative construction, phonemic awareness, print concept knowledge, and positive attitudes towards literacy.
  • Quality of mother-child interaction. This was observed during a home visit and then from a video-recorded mother-child play session. Exposure to rich, varied and complex language in the early years improves language development, as does parental responsiveness and sensitivity.
  • Learning materials present in the home. Researchers observed the homes they visited. They assessed the presence of books, toys, games for free expression (such as crayons and puppets), toys that facilitate motor skills (such as blocks) and number/counting games. The presence of books in a household has been linked to a child’s expanded vocabulary. Toys that elicit symbolic play, such as telephones and tea sets, assist language development in early childhood.

The learning environment when the child was 10-11 was similarly measured.

The researchers discuss several factors that might account for long-term associations from language development in early childhood to academic performance years later. The theory of “developmental cascades” proposes that early language skills lay a foundation for quicker learning at the next stage of development, and this pattern repeats itself over time. Then there is the possibility – as confirmed in this research – that home learning environments are relatively stable, so a child with a positive home learning environment is likely to be advantaged in later years, with positive habits solidifying. Thirdly, there may be positive feedback loops from children to parenting: a child with stronger language skills powerfully shapes the response of caregivers. Adults communicate more with children who communicate well, which further bolsters children’s skills.

All this evidence points to the need to start support for language development in infancy and in the home to arm children with the abilities they need to do well in school. You can help your children to learn different things from the children’s book series and they can learn about financial freedom and life lessons.

Posted in Kids

Parents can help by also being curious, providing good answers and hosting open-ended conversations.

Posted on by Tim Connolly

Babies are born with curiosity. It’s a formidable, innate skill that helps young children to learn deeply and lastingly. Our task is to nurture that curiosity by encouraging children’s questions and explorations — and by being curious ourselves.

From birth, children show a powerful inclination and ability to detect regularities around them, noticing when something is different or unexpected. This capacity to categorise helps them to make sense of the mass of information coming at them.

Curiosity helps children learn efficiently. It is a novelty detector, driving them to explain the unexpected and resolve uncertainty. Using all of their senses, they explore anything unfamiliar until it is no longer unfamiliar.

Being curious may also make people happier as adults. People who rate high on curiosity scales also report higher satisfaction with their lives and have higher scores for well-being. This could be because people who carry on learning – which typically requires curiosity – are happier.

Curiosity serves understanding

By 18 months, children are voracious and omnivorous in their pursuit of information; they inquire all day long, as many parents will testify. Toddlers work their way through a room like a wrecking team, driven by curiosity, all in the service of finding out about every new object, event or person they encounter.

Gradually, more of life becomes familiar. They know about breakfast, the trip to day care, the grocery store. That familiarity lets them engage in everyday activities and play. As everyday life becomes less worthy of exploration, children’s curiosity turns to new mysteries. There are still many questions to be asked.

Questions are tools of curiosity

A child’s approach to investigation is sometimes referred to as “taste, twist and rattle”. However, children also want to know about the non-physical world, things they can’t touch and feel. Asking questions helps them find out more about the unseen world.

They want to know what happens at the end of the sky, what happens when people die, or why we sit down when we eat dinner. In one of my studies, a curious child asked his mother: “Why are green things sometimes called lettuce and sometimes called spinach?” Most children aged three or four ask a question a minute, and even the least curious ask one every two or three minutes. Some of these questions are about the natural world, but many are about culture and the practices of community and family.

Curiosity is at risk as children grow older

Many of the skills we want children to develop must be instilled. We try to teach them how to do algebra, use self-control, and put other people’s needs ahead of their own. We tend to assume that children won’t develop these skills spontaneously, that they need help acquiring them. In this sense, curiosity is unique, because babies and young children already have it in abundance. The problem is that they may lose it as they grow older or in certain contexts – notably at school.

So how do we help children hold onto their natural curiosity? Just as important, what can we do to help them become more persistent, penetrating and adept at solving the mysteries of everyday life?

How to support curiosity

Parents can do at least three things to encourage children’s curiosity. First, provide satisfying answers to their inquiries. Children’s questions are sensitive to the answers they receive. If you give them a satisfying answer, they will ask deeper or more refined questions. If a response is unsatisfying, they will continue asking the same question, but, over time, they might stop asking.

We know from studies of curiosity that children who ask a lot of questions and receive satisfying answers are the ones who go on asking questions. Families where questions are encouraged are families where a lot of talking and knowledge seeking takes place.

We also know that the least curious children are the ones most vulnerable to an uninterested response or blank stare from an adult. It means, for example, that the children who come to school with a lower overall level of curiosity are the ones who most need to be encouraged to inquire.

Second, demonstrate your own curiosity — ask questions, look things up, investigate. In my research, we have seen that children are profoundly affected by adults who ask a lot of questions themselves, copying their linguistic habits. Children who ask a lot of questions typically have parents who do the same.

For example, imagine a child who asks: “Why does ice melt?” A perfectly satisfying answer might be: “I think it melts when the temperature gets high.” But a parent can go further than this in response to curiosity, which brings me to my third suggestion: be ready to follow a set of questions (your own and your child’s) that lead in an unknown direction. Enjoy the experience of speculating, not knowing something, and the expectation that you can find the answer.

A parent could model and extend the ice melting discussion by saying: “I wonder what will happen if I hold the ice in my hand?” Or you might say: “Let’s use a timer and see how long the ice takes to melt.” Here, the parent is both modelling curiosity and engaging the child in an extended pursuit of knowledge by opening more doors.

Curiosity crashes in the classroom

Adults often unwittingly discourage curiosity. For instance, in an attempt to challenge a child, they may answer a question with another question, for instance replying: “Why do you think the ice melts?” That can be fun, but sometimes parents try too hard to be instructive, deadening the exchange and making it too didactic. The Socratic method, in which an adult tries to lead a child towards a particular answer, is not necessarily the best approach.

I keep chickens. A child might ask: “How come chickens have to go in at night?” I could say: “Why do you think they have to go in?” But I could respond more directly by simply saying, “It’s because I don’t want the coyotes to eat the chickens.”

That not only gives the child the satisfaction of fulfilling curiosity, it also opens up a new set of possible questions about coyotes. When adults and children extend and deepen their exchanges, everyone benefits. I might also ask a question that I am genuinely interested in: “I wonder if there is a better way to keep the chicken safe?” or “I don’t understand why they kill the chickens at night and not during the day.”

Parents should monitor what happens in school

Parents clearly can cherish and nurture their children’s curiosity at home. But they should also be discerning about children’s experiences at school. General curiosity inevitably wanes a bit with age. As we develop, it’s adaptive to be less voracious for every kind of information. But as soon as children go to school, curiosity unnecessarily plummets. Research has shown that even the children who continue to ask lots of questions at home ask very few at school. And the less curious children are, the more sensitive they are to discouraging or encouraging cues from adults.

Schools focus on disseminating prescribed knowledge. But the methods they most often use to instil such knowledge frequently turn children away from inquiry. Even when teachers ask questions – or encourage and answer questions – children rarely get a chance in school to experience deep, uncharted, sustained inquiry about things they really want to understand. We should encourage sustained inquiry both in class and at home, if the infants’ great gift of curiosity is to survive and flourish into adulthood.

Everyone has to maintain a financial budget and how much money should you save before having a baby, it’s difficult thing but you can learn about it just drop your comments in the comment section.