Tag: babies

Posted in Kids

4 ways to support your child to be physically active in kindergarten

Posted on by Tim Connolly

1. Help them to understand the effects of healthy, active living on the mind and body

This is simply done by asking your child how they feel or what they notice about their bodies after a walk or running around in the yard. My children have made observations like, “My heart is beating really fast, Mom!” or “I’m thirsty after all that running”.

2. Help them move their bodies every day

Kindergarten children will be expected to participate in daily physical activities. Have your child play hopscotch and talk about how many hops they can do. Hopscotch is such an easy game to play in the summer (and even indoors in bad weather using just a roll of masking tape). Using colourful chalk you can create the standard line of squares or be creative and make a centipede with 28 circles. One circle can be the head, the other a tail, and the remaining 26 can be the letters of the alphabet. Encouraging your child to try new physical activities may also help them become less apprehensive about trying new things at school.

3. Help them use their large muscles

Children will be developing the use and control of large and small muscle groups during the 20-month Kindergarten program. Large muscle activities like climbing, running, throwing a variety of balls, and balancing are all fun and easy to do with your kids. During my time in Kindergarten, one of my favourite large muscle activities was the beach ball toss. This is also a very enjoyable activity that my children and I do at the park with both large groups of friends or just the four of us. Using one beach ball to start, we hit the ball with any part of our bodies to keep it off the ground. Depending on how many people are playing we add a beach ball to make the game more challenging and add to the fun factor. This type of activity also helps build hand-eye coordination skills and flexibility in movement, all while having a blast with friends.

4. Help them use their small muscles

Small muscle group activities tend to be quieter and need less room to be completed. Building lego, tying shoes, and buttoning buttons are all small muscle group activities and are perfect rainy day or travel activities. When my three kids were little (I had three under 4 years of age), we would bead Cheerio’s onto yarn and hang them in our yard for the squirrels and birds to enjoy. Now, my three are a little older and we have moved onto beading necklaces, bracelets, and knitting to continue building our fine motor skills.

With just a little time devoted to practicing movement skills at home, your child will be able to have more fun with their friends at school and create a foundation for a lifetime of physical activity.

You can easily get the ways and ideas from popular children book series about how to make your child more physically active and able to perform his daily activities more energetically.

Posted in Kids

Ways to Prepare Your Kids to Lead Happy and Successful Lives

Posted on by Tim Connolly

1. Move to the best neighborhood you can afford.

The best move parents can make for their children is to a neighborhood with excellent schools, more career opportunities and the opportunity to grow up with peers who value education, hard work and achievement. Note: you don’t even have to be wealthy to make this happen.

Although controversial, research has found moving to a better neighborhood is a better investment than tutoring and extracurricular activities like piano lessons.

2. Become a happier and less stressed person yourself.

Research has proven adults thrive in business when they are happy and less stressed. The same is true for parenting. Carolyn and Philip Cowan, psychologists at the University of California, have found happy parents are more likely to have happy children. According to the husband-and-wife psychologists, “The children do not fare well if the adults aren’t taking care of themselves and their relationships.”

Research from Bowling Green State University sociologist Kei Nomaguchi found that “Mothers’ stress, especially when mothers are stressed because of the juggling with work and trying to find time with kids, that may actually be affecting their kids poorly.”

3. Make them do chores.

Whether it was mowing the grass, taking out the trash, washing dishes, walking the dog or folding laundry, when I was growing up my parents were always assigning me chores. I hated it but thankfully, they didn’t ease up. It taught me the value of hard work and collaborating to get things done  — one of us kids washed the dishes, another dried. Most importantly, it taught me responsibility.

4. Make your kids read daily and learn math at early age.

During his five years studying the behaviors and habits of self-made millionaires, best-selling author Thomas Curley found that, “Sixty three percent of those self-made millionaires were required by their parents to read two or more books a month.”

The parents insisted their kid read biographies, history, nonfiction, literary classics or hobby books, and they quizzed them about what they had read. Curley believes not encouraging your children to read daily is “failing your kids.”

5. Set high expectations and Explaining government to kids .

Researchers from the University of California, Los Angeles (UCLA) and the American Academy of Pediatrics discovered that parent’s expectations predict their child’s success in school.

“The big surprise was what a strong role parents’ long-term goals for their children played in predicting their math and reading abilities,” said Neal Halfon, M.D., M.P.H., the study’s senior author and director of the UCLA Center for Healthier Children, Families, and Communities.

6. Praise them correctly.

If you haven’t explored the exciting work regarding mindset from Carol Dweck, a professor of psychology at Stanford University, then I suggest that you immediately do so. It’s greatly influenced me as an entrepreneur.

According to Dweck, a fixed mindset believes that talent and skill are innate and can not be changed — you’re only as good at something as you were born to be. A growth mindset, however, believes that talents can be developed over time and skills learned with sufficient effort.

7. Create family rituals.

Research has found that children with strong social skills in kindergarten will thrive as adults. One of the best and most enjoyable ways to encourage these social skills is with family rituals. According to researchers Dr. Dawn Eaker and Dr. Lynda Walters, these family rituals are as simple as cooking meals together, family game night, evening walks and annual vacations. Consider weekly family meetings to review what you did and didn’t do well in the past week and what you’ll work on in the coming week.

8. Teach them to be “gritty” and Follow Rules.

Angela Duckworth, the Christopher H. Browne Distinguished Professor of Psychology at the University of Pennsylvania and Founder and CEO of Character Lab, defines grit “as passion and perseverance for especially long-term goals.”

Throughout her research, Duckworth found a correlation between grit and rank in the US National Spelling Bee, educational attainment, grade-point average in Ivy League undergrads and retention of West Point cadets.

9. Help them build meaningful relationships.

Jack Shonkoff and Deborah Phillips discovered that having strong relationships is essential for children’s growth and psychological well-being. Children who do not have meaningful relationships tend to perform poorly in school, are more likely to get in trouble with the law and often develop psychiatric problems.

10. Teach them to be all-around healthy.

Healthy habits are vital for success as adults and kids both. Set boundaries that encourage your kids to get plenty of sleep, eat healthily and be active. For example, don’t let them sit inside and play videos all day. Send them outside to play. Teach them the health benefits of taking care of themselves instead of focusing on their appearance or complaining how guilty you feel after buying them fast food. Teach good habits by making healthy dinners together, family bike rides or setting aside time for writing in your gratitude journals.

Posted in Parenting

10 Tips to Teach Your Child to Save Money

Posted on by Tim Connolly

1. Discuss Wants vs. Needs

The first step in teaching kids the value of saving is to help them distinguish between wants and needs. Explain that needs include the basics, such as food, shelter, and clothing, and wants are all the extras. You can use your own budget as an example to illustrate how wants should take a back seat to needs in terms of spending. 

2. Let Them Earn Their Own Money

Sixty-eight percent of parents said they paid their children an allowance in 2018, with kids earning $26.58 per week on average, based on six hours of chores. If you want your children to become savers, giving them their own money provides them with the opportunity to learn how to use it. When you offer allowances in exchange for chores, they’re also learning the value of their hard work.

3. Set Savings Goals

To a kid, being told to save without explaining why may seem pointless. Helping children define a savings goal can be a better way to get them motivated. If they know what it is they want to save for, help them break down their goals into manageable bites. For example, if they want to buy a $50 video game and they get a $10 allowance each week, help them figure out how long it will take to reach that goal, based on their savings rate. 

4. Provide a Place to Save

Once your children have a savings goal in mind, they’ll need a place to stash their cash. For younger kids, this may be a piggy bank, but if they’re a little older, you may want to set them up with their own savings account at a bank. That way they can see how their savings are adding up and how much progress they’re making toward their goal.

5. Learn Money Management For Children and Let Them Track Their Spending

Part of being a better saver means knowing where your money is going. If your children get an allowance, having them write down their purchases each day and add them up at the end of the week can be an eye-opening experience. Encourage them to think about how they’re spending and how much faster they could reach their savings goal if they were to change their spending patterns.

6. Offer Savings Incentives

One of the reasons people save in their employer’s retirement plan is the company matching contribution. After all, who doesn’t like free money? If you’re having trouble motivating your kids to save, you can use that same principle to ramp up their efforts. For example, if your child has set a big savings goal, say a $400 tablet, you could offer to match a percentage of what he or she saves dollar-for-dollar. Alternately, you could offer a reward when your kid reaches a savings milestone, such as a $50 bonus for hitting the halfway mark.

7. Leave Room for Mistakes

Part of putting kids in control of their own money is letting them learn from their errors. It’s tempting to step in and steer kids away from a potentially costly mistake, but it may be better to use that mistake as a teachable moment. That way they’ll know in the future what not to do with their cash.

8. Act as Their Creditor

One of the basic tenets of saving is to not live beyond your means. If your child has something he or she wants to buy and is being impatient about saving for it, becoming your kid’s creditor can help to teach the value of saving. For instance, if your child wants to purchase something that costs $100, you could “lend” the money and require payment from the allowance you provide, with interest. The lesson you want to teach is that saving may mean delaying gratification longer, but the thing you want to buy won’t end up costing more you if you wait.

9. Talk About Money

In a 2018 T. Rowe Price survey, 44% of parents said they’d never talked to their children about the value of long-term investing, discussed market volatility or showed them financial statements. If you want kids to learn about saving, it must be an ongoing discussion. Whether you schedule a regular weekly check-in to talk about money or make money chats part of your daily round, the key is to keep the conversation going. 

10. Set a Good Example

In the same T. Rowe Price survey mentioned above, 17% of parents said they had zero savings for retirement, emergencies, college or other financial goals. If you want your children to become savers, being one yourself can help. Getting your emergency fund in shape, opening a 529 savings account or simply increasing your 401(k) plan contributions are all steps you can take to encourage saving as a family activity.

Posted in Kids

9 Reasons for Personal Hygiene For Children

Posted on by Tim Connolly

Proper personal hygiene means taking care of every aspect of your body, from keeping it clean to looking your best. Basic hygiene should be taught to children at an early age to help establish good habits. Parents can reinforce good hygienic behavior by creating routines and being good role models. Personal hygiene practices include bathing, washing your hands, keeping your hair clean and brushing your teeth. Your personal, social and professional worlds are all affected by hygiene habits.

Disease Prevention

Wash your hands often to prevent the spread of disease. Each time you use the restroom, wash your hands before leaving the area to remove germs. Wash your hands before you handle food, eat or take out contact lenses.

Nice Smile

Most people want to keep their teeth and have attractive smiles. This requires frequent brushing and good dental habits. If you fail to brush your teeth, they are more likely to become discolored, get cavities and possibly fall out. According to the American Academy of Periodontology, regular brushing and flossing can significantly decrease the risk of gum disease, which can cause bad breath or even worse—tooth loss.

Lower Health Care Costs

Since it curbs the spread of disease, good hygiene results in lower health care costs. Brushing your teeth and keeping clean could eliminate unnecessary visits to your dentist and doctor, saving you money.

Dandruff Prevention

Good hygiene includes washing your hair and brushing it regularly to prevent dandruff and other scalp diseases. It’s embarrassing when you glance down at your dark shirt and see white skin flakes that everyone else has probably already noticed.

Self-Esteem

When you’re clean, you’ll feel much better about yourself than when you’re dirty. People will react more positively to you, which will also help raise your self-esteem.

Social Acceptance

Good hygiene is critical for social acceptance, because most people don’t want to be around others who are dirty or smelly. Children who practice good hygiene eliminate one major reason for other kids to make fun of or bully them. It’s sad to see someone on the playground getting taunted for smelling bad or having dirty hair.

Professional Acceptance

Most employers prefer employees who are clean and well-groomed. Good hygiene can make the difference in being hired and getting promotions.

Being a Role Model

Parents should set an example for their children by practicing good hygiene. Children are more likely to do what you do than what you say.

Pain Prevention

Periodontal disease can cause chronic mouth pain in advanced stages, the American Academy of Periodontology reports. The main cause of gum disease is plaque buildup, which can be reduced with proper oral hygiene.

You can get useful information from popular children book series about how to develop good habits regarding personal hygiene among kids.


Posted in Parenting

WHAT ARE THE BEST MORAL VALUES FOR FAMILIES?

Posted on by Tim Connolly

Teaching your kids moral values is one of the most important responsibilities you have as a parent. In order for your children to act morally, they need to know the good, care about the good and practice doing the good. 

The way your kids choose to treat others is critical. There are too many news stories of children committing suicide due in part to the cruel behavior of other kids. There are too many kids posting mean comments on social media. Too many kids avoiding activities due to bullying. How do you guide your kids in treating others? 

Knowing the Good

What does it mean to be a good person? What traits does your family most value? Renée Trudeau, author of Nurturing the Soul of Your Family, shared that when her son was entering middle school they created a “Family Purpose Statement”. She described they “highlighted the top five qualities that were most important to us. At the top of our list: compassion – for self and for others.” 

What virtues make your family’s top five list? Some to consider include: 

  • Acceptance: having an objective attitude toward other’s ideas and practices that differ from your own
  • Compassion: understanding the suffering of others or self and wanting to do something about it
  • Cooperation: helping your family and friends, returning favors
  • Courage: willingness to do difficult things
  • Equality: believing everyone deserves equal rights and to be treated with respect
  • Fairness: acting in a just way, sharing appropriately
  • Generosity: willingness to give resources, help or time to others
  • Gratitude: showing appreciation to others
  • Honesty: being truthful and sincere
  • Integrity: sticking to your moral and ethical principles and values
  • Kindness: being considerate and treating others well
  • Perseverance: persisting in a course of action, belief or purpose
  • Politeness: using good manners, acting in socially acceptable ways
  • Respect: showing consideration for the worth of someone or something
  • Responsibility: being reliable in your obligations
  • Self-control: staying in control of your words and behavior
  • Trustworthy: reliably doing what is right even when it is difficult, being true to your word

One way to help your children internalize these characteristics is to notice them. When you see your child being responsible, honest or showing compassion, comment on it. For example, if your child attempts to comfort a child who is hurt, you can say “That’s kind of you to help him.” 

Caring About the Good 

There is a big difference between knowing about moral values and actually trying to adopt the traits. Often standing up for your morals takes courage and strength. 

After your family has selected your top five values, find examples of how you’ve demonstrated those in the past. Your kids may want to create a poster for each value with pictures and examples of that value. Leave space to add more examples. 

Next encourage each person commit to one value they want to focus on for the week. Check in daily with each other to see if there was an opportunity to act on that value. What happened? How did it feel? What did you learn? 

Asking your kids these questions sends the message that you care about these values. Like adults, your kids will make mistakes and act in ways that don’t represent their highest values. When this happens, help them find a way to make amends. Ask questions to guide your kids in figuring out what they would like to do to make things better. 

Doing the Good

Your kids will have daily opportunities to choose to act on their values. Behaving ethically requires a strong moral conviction. 

It’s a proud moment when your children choose to show compassion and take responsibility for speaking up. During a middle school basketball game in Kenosha, Wisconsin, the kids demonstrated their moral convictions. CBS reported “The student athletes stood up for one of the team’s cheerleaders when they heard some derogatory words directed toward her during a basketball game at Lincoln Middle School. Chase Vazquez, Scooter Terrien and Miles Rodriguez walked off the court in the middle of the game to address the mean-spirited comments directed at cheerleader Desiree Andrews, who has Down syndrome.

You can easily find out the ways to teach moral values by learning about economics for kids and can develop your child with good values in their childhood only.

Posted in Parenting

Personal hygiene for kids

Posted on by Tim Connolly

Good personal hygiene will help your kids stay healthy, ward off illnesses, and build better self-awareness.

It’s never too early to start teaching hygiene. You can wipe down your child’s hands after changing their diapers or before eating, brush their teeth and gums before bed, and get them into a daily bath routine. This helps you begin the process and slowly teaches them as they grow and take over the process.

Here’s a list of hygiene activities, how you can introduce them, and when is a good time to start:

Brushing teeth

You can begin brushing your baby’s teeth and gums the moment the first tooth pops up. They can brush their own teeth by about 3 years old. However, you may have to stay with them to guarantee they’re doing a good job and brushing long enough.

Play a 2-minute song when it’s time to brush teeth. That will let your little one know how long they have to brush, and they’ll get used to the process. Likewise, you may have to continue flossing for them until they’re older and can handle that task better, around age 7.

Bathing

You’ll be giving your baby baths regularly, but by about age 5, they should be able to handle this task on their own. As they’re growing and you’re supervising bath time, you should take the opportunity to teach about washing all the different body parts, especially:

  • armpits
  • groins
  • neck
  • belly
  • knees
  • elbows
  • back
  • feet

You can also use this time to teach them how to wash their hair without getting suds in their eyes — and what to do if they do.

Hand washing

Wipe your baby’s hands with a warm washcloth before mealtime, after eating, and after changing a diaper. During potty training, make washing hands an integral step in the process.

You can teach your child to sing the ABC song while they wash — it’s 20 seconds long, which is an ideal washing time.

Make it a priority to ask your child to wash their hands any time you’d like to encourage good hygiene, like before meals, after playing outside, after petting an animal, or after being near a sick friend.

Nail hygiene

You’ll clip your child’s nails when they’re a baby, but as they grow older, you can help them care for their own nails. Encourage your children to wash under their nails at each shower — a fun nail brush will help. Then, sit down with them weekly after a shower for a trim. Your nails are softer and clip more easily after a shower. By age 7, most children should be up for the task alone.

You can easily find out the ways from Point-system for kids to develop hygienic habits among your children, so that you can prevent them from illness at a greater level.

Posted in Parenting

Ways You Can Help Your Children Succeed At School

Posted on by Tim Connolly

As a parent, you are your child’s first and most important teacher. When parents and families are involved in their children’s schools, the children do better and have better feelings about going to school. In fact, many studies show that what the family does is more important to a child’s school success than how much money the family makes or how much education the parents have. There are many ways that parents can support their children’s learning at home and throughout the school year. Here are some ideas to get you started!

Develop a partnership with your child’s teachers and school staff

1. Meet your child’s teacher. As soon as the school year starts, try to find a way to meet your child’s teacher. Let the teacher know you want to help your child learn. Make it clear that you want the teacher to contact you if any problems develop with your child. Talk with your child’s teacher offers some great tips for developing a partnership with your child’s teacher.

If you feel uncomfortable speaking English, don’t let a language barrier stop you. What you have to say is more important than the language you say it in! Ask the school to find someone who can interpret for you. There may be a teacher or parent liaison who can help. Or you can bring a bilingual friend or relative with you.

2. Get to know who’s who at your child’s school. There are many people at your child’s school who are there to help your child learn, grow socially and emotionally, and navigate the school environment. Who’s Who at Your Child’s School describes the responsibilities of teachers, administrators, and district staff. Each school is different but this article will offer a general introduction to personnel of your child’s school.

3. Attend parent-teacher conferences and keep in touch with your child’s teacher.Schools usually have one or two parent-teacher conferences each year. You can bring a friend to interpret for you or ask the school to provide an interpreter. You can also ask to meet with your child’s teacher any time during the year. If you have a concern and can’t meet face-to-face, send the teacher a short note or set up a time to talk on the phone.

Support your child academically

4. Find out how your child is doing. Ask the teacher how well your child is doing in class compared to other students. If your child is not keeping up, especially when it comes to reading, ask what you or the school can do to help. It’s important to act early before your child gets too far behind. Also be sure to review your child’s report card each time it comes out.

5. Apply for special services if you think your child may need it. If your child is having problems with learning, ask the school to evaluate your child in his or her strongest language. The teacher might be able to provide accommodations for your child in class. If the school finds out your child has a learning disability, he can receive extra help at no cost.

6. Make sure that your child gets homework done. Let your child know that you think education is important and that homework needs to be done each day. You can help your child with homework by setting aside a special place to study, establishing a regular time for homework, and removing distractions such as the television and social phone calls during homework time.

If you are reluctant to help your child with homework because you feel that you don’t know the subject well enough or because you don’t speak or read English, you can help by showing that you are interested, helping your child get organized, providing the necessary materials, asking your child about daily assignments, monitoring work to make sure that it is completed, and praising all of your child’s efforts. Remember that doing your child’s homework for him won’t help him in the long run.

7. Find homework help for your child if needed. If it is difficult for you to help your child with homework or school projects, see if you can find someone else who can help. Contact the school, tutoring groups, after school programs, churches, and libraries. Or see if an older student, neighbor, or friend can help.

8. Help your child prepare for tests. Tests play an important role in determining a students grade. Your child may also take one or more standardized tests during the school year, and your child’s teacher may spend class time on test preparation throughout the year. As a parent, there are a number of ways that you can support your child before and after taking a standardized test, as well as a number of ways you can support your child’s learning habits on a daily basis that will help her be more prepared when it’s time to be tested.

Get involved with your child’s school

9. Learn what the school offers. Read the information the school sends home, and ask to receive information in your native language if necessary. Talk to other parents to find out what programs the school offers. Maybe there’s a music program, after-school activity, sports team, or tutoring program your child would enjoy. Remember to keep track of events throughout the school year.

10. Volunteer at your child’s school and/or join your school’s parent-teacher group. Teachers appreciate it when parents help out at the school! There are many ways you can contribute. You can volunteer in your child’s class or in the school library. You can make food for a school event. If you work during the day, you can attend “parents’ night” activities or your child’s performances. At most schools, a group of parents meets regularly to talk about the school. This group is usually called the PTA or PTO. The meetings give you a good chance to talk with other parents and to work together to improve the school.

Get informed and be an advocate for your child

11. Ask questions. If something concerns you about your child’s learning or behavior, ask the teacher or principal about it and seek their advice. Your questions may be like these — What specific problem is my child having with reading? What can I do to help my child with this problem? How can I stop that bully from picking on my son? How can I get my child to do homework? Which reading group is my child in?

12. Learn about your rights. It’s important to know what your rights are as the parent regarding special services, English instruction, immigration status, and more.

13. Let the school know your concerns. Is your child doing well in school? Is he or she having trouble learning, behaving, or studying? Is there a problem with another student, teacher, or administrator?

Support your child’s learning at home

14. Demonstrate a positive attitude about education to your children. What we say and do in our daily lives can help them to develop positive attitudes toward school and learning and to build confidence in themselves as learners. Showing our children that we both value education and use it in our daily lives provides them with powerful models and contributes greatly to their success in school.

In addition, by showing interest in their children’s education, parents and families can spark enthusiasm in them and lead them to a very important understanding-that learning can be enjoyable as well as rewarding and is well worth the effort required.

15. Monitor your child’s television, video game, and Internet use. American children on average spend far more time watching TV, playing video games and using the Internet than they do completing homework or other school-related activities. 

16. Encourage your child to read. Helping your child become a reader is the single most important thing that you can do to help the child to succeed in school-and in life. The importance of reading simply can’t be overstated. Reading helps children in all school subjects. More important, it is the key to lifelong learning.

17. Talk with your child. Talking and listening play major roles in children’s school success. It’s through hearing parents and family members talk and through responding to that talk that young children begin to pick up the language skills they will need if they are to do well. For example, children who don’t hear a lot of talk and who aren’t encouraged to talk themselves often have problems learning to read, which can lead to other school problems. In addition, children who haven’t learned to listen carefully often have trouble following directions and paying attention in class. It’s also important for you to show your child that you’re interested in what he has to say. Talking With Your Child offers some great ideas for using conversation to stimulate language development.

18. Encourage your child to use the library. Libraries are places of learning and discovery for everyone. Helping your child find out about libraries will set him on the road to being an independent learner. Remember that libraries also offer a quiet place for students to complete homework, and are often open in the evening.

19. Encourage your child to be responsible and work independently. Taking responsibility and working independently are important qualities for school success. You can help your child to develop these qualities by establish reasonable rules that you enforce consistently, making it clear to your child that he has to take responsibility for what he does, both at home and at school, showing your child how to break a job down into small steps, and monitor what your child does after school, in the evenings and on weekends. If you can’t be there when your child gets home, give her the responsibility of checking in with you by phone to discuss her plans.

20. Encourage active learning. Children need active learning as well as quiet learning such as reading and doing homework. Active learning involves asking and answering questions, solving problems and exploring interests. Active learning also can take place when your child plays sports, spends time with friends, acts in a school play, plays a musical instrument or visits museums and bookstores. To promote active learning, listen to your child’s ideas and respond to them. Let him jump in with questions and opinions when you read books together. When you encourage this type of give-and-take at home, your child’s participation and interest in school is likely to increase.

Posted in Kids

Why Teaching Values Isn’t Enough

Posted on by Tim Connolly

These days we hear a lot of talk about teaching kids values. According to a major survey by the organization Public Agenda, more than six in ten American adults identified “as a very serious problem” young people’s failure to learn fundamental moral values, including honesty, respect, and responsibility for others. A huge character education industry has cropped up in the last few decades, and much of it is devoted to touting values in schools and other settings.

It is, of course, important for children to learn values. But one big problem with this approach became clear to me several years ago talking to a few 7 year old girls who are friends of my daughter. I asked them how they would respond to a question in a popular character education program. “Should you be honest with your teacher if you forget to do your homework?”  One girl said: “Do you want me to tell you what you want to hear or should I tell you the truth?” Another friend chimed in: “No kid is honest about that–who wants your teacher to get mad at you?”

I’m obviously for values, but research shows that my daughter’s friends are not exceptions. By the time children are 4 years old, they often know certain values–that stealing is wrong, for example. Because kids tend to know values, they often feel patronized by lectures about values or just learn to parrot back what adults want to hear.

That’s not to say–and this can’t be shouted loud enough–that these children do not have a problem with values. But for many children the problem is actually living by values such as fairness, caring, and responsibility day to day. Sixteen-year-old Bill Heron knows that he laughed too hard when a friend put a fart machine under the desk of a new girl in class, but he didn’t want to “spoil the joke” for everyone. Ten-year-old Jim Wright knows that teasing can be hurtful, but he believes that if he stops teasing he’ll be tagged a loser: “I’ll slide right into the sea of dorks.” As a quite direct sixteen-year-old said to me: “I’m taking this class where they’re trying to help us figure out how to determine what’s right from wrong. But kids at my school know right from wrong. That’s not the problem. The problem is that some kids just don’t give a shit.” These children don’t need us to define the goal. That’s easy. The challenges for us are much harder and deeper. To develop children’s morality, we need to focus, minimally, on five basic capacities.

1. Moral Identity

We need to help children not only know values but develop a deep commitment to values. Values such as fairness, kindness and responsibility for others should be an integral part of a child’s self or identity. The self-sacrificing acts of Europeans who rescued Jews from the Nazis in World War II, research by Samuel and Pearl Oliner reveals, were not matters of deliberation. They were acts that emerged from these individuals’ basic self-concepts and dispositions. By requiring children to help around the house, by insisting that children be respectful to us, to their friends, to our friends and to strangers, by talking to children about why values are important–among many strategies–we can weave values such as responsibility for others into children’s sense of self from an early age.


2. Managing Destructive Emotions

Often it is emotions, such as the fear of being a pariah or a “loser,” that cause us to transgress. Developing children’s morality is about preventing children from suffering high levels of shame, envy, entitlement and other destructive emotions and helping children manage these feelings.article continues after advertisement

3. Moral Reasoning

Another problem with simply teaching values is that children often face moral dilemmas, situations where values collide. For example, if a friend steals a calculator, should a child be honest with the teacher who asks her who stole the calculator, or loyal to her friend? Children need help developing moral reasoning, the capacity to sort through these moral dilemmas and problems. That means, in part, helping children take multiple perspectives and think about the precedents they are setting by their actions for their communities.


4. Key Social and Emotional Competencies
Morality is also about having the skills needed to treat people well everyday–knowing how to help others without patronizing them, say, or how to give feedback constructively. Adults can guide children in developing these social and emotional skills.


5. The Strength and Maturity of the Self
To stand up for important principles or to take responsibility for others may mean painful ostracism or other hardships. Cultivating children’s morality thus also means nurturing the strength and maturity of the self (see post on April 15, 2009)

To be sure, developing these 5 moral capacities, in addition to moral literacy, is not a simple task. But unlike simply teaching values, it stands a real chance of helping many children become strong, caring and fair adults.

Posted in Parenting

What is child development and what skills do children develop at different ages

Posted on by Tim Connolly

What is child development?


Child development is a process every child goes through. This process involves learning and mastering skills like sitting, walking, talking, skipping, and tying shoes. Children learn these skills, called developmental milestones, during predictable time periods. 

Children develop skills in five main areas of development:

  1. Cognitive Development
    This is the child’s ability to learn and solve problems. For example, this includes a two-month-old baby learning to explore the environment with hands or eyes or a five-year-old learning how to do simple math problems.
  2. Social and Emotional Development
    This is the child’s ability to interact with others, including helping themselves and self-control. Examples of this type of development would include: a six-week-old baby smiling, a ten-month-old baby waving bye-bye, or a five-year-old boy knowing how to take turns in games at school.
  3. Speech and Language Development
    This is the child’s ability to both understand and use language. For example, this includes a 12-month-old baby saying his first words, a two-year-old naming parts of her body, or a five-year-old learning to say “feet” instead of “foots”.
  4. Fine Motor Skill Development
    This is the child’s ability to use small muscles, specifically their hands and fingers, to pick up small objects, hold a spoon, turn pages in a book, or use a crayon to draw.
  5. Gross Motor Skill Development
    This is the child’s ability to use large muscles. For example, a six-month-old baby learns how to sit up with some support, a 12-month-old baby learns to pull up to a stand holding onto furniture, and a five-year-old learns to skip.

The National Center on Birth Defects and Developmental Disabilities has recently launched a campaign to promote child development.

What is a developmental milestone?
A developmental milestone is a skill that a child acquires within a specific time frame. For instance, one developmental milestone is learning to walk. Most children learn this skill or developmental milestone between the ages of 9 and 15 months. 

Milestones develop in a sequential fashion. This means that a child will need to develop some skills before he or she can develop new skills. For example, children must first learn to crawl and to pull up to a standing position before they are able to walk. Each milestone that a child acquires builds on the last milestone developed. 

What are typical milestones, or skills, children learn at different ages?
We now know that our brains are not fully developed at birth. In fact, a baby’s brain weighs about one quarter (1/4) of what an adult’s brain weighs!

The brain grows very rapidly during the first several years of life. During this time, your child is learning all sorts of new skills. 

Because children usually acquire developmental milestones or skills during a specific time frame or “window”, we can predict when most children will learn different skills. The pages below describe the types of skills children usually learn at different ages.

Childhood Development:

  • First 6 Weeks
  • 1½ to 3 Months
  • 3 to 6 Months
  • 6 to 9 Months
  • 9 to 12 Months
  • 1 to 2 Years
  • 2 to 3 Years
  • 3 to 5 Years
  • 5 to 7 Years

What if my child does not meet a developmental milestone?
Each child is an individual and may meet developmental milestones a little earlier or later than his peers. You may have heard people say things like, “he was walking before he turned 10 months, much earlier than his older brother” or “she didn’t say much until she was about 2 years old and then she talked a blue streak!” This is because each child is unique and will develop at his or her own pace. 

However, there are definitely blocks of time when most children will meet a milestone. For example, children learn to walk anytime between 9 and 15 months of age. So, if your child is 13 months of age and not yet walking, there is no need to worry if he is crawling and pulling to a stand. He has acquired the skills he needs to learn to walk and may begin walking soon. However, if you have a child 15 months of age who is not yet walking, it would be a good idea to talk with your child’s pediatrician to make sure there aren’t any medical or developmental problems since age 15 months is outside of the normal “window” or time frame in which children learn to walk. 

In this website, we will provide you with some information about these “windows” or blocks of time when children usually develop a skill. We also will share with you some warning signs or “red flags” to watch for that may mean your child is not meeting developmental milestones. We will also give you the names of some books and websites about child development that you may find helpful.

However, whenever you have questions, do not hesitate to ask a professional like your child’s doctor, nurse practitioner, or a trained child development or behavioral specialist. There are also several clinical specialists who are specifically trained in various areas of development who can be consulted. These include speech pathologists, occupational and physical therapists, developmental psychologists and audiologists. 

How can I help my child meet these developmental milestones?


As parents, we all want our children to succeed and be the best they can be. We know from research that two factors influence how your child succeeds and grows: genes and environment. 

One of the factors that influence our child’s development is their genetic makeup or “genes.” Some people refer to this as “nature.” Genes are the genetic material we pass onto our children. Children are born with their “genes” in place. These genes act like a blueprint for what characteristics a child may have. For example, genes determine if a child will have blue eyes or brown eyes; they also determine if he will be left- or right-handed. 

The other factor that influences child development is the environment. This includes experiences children have in their home, school and community environments. Some people refer to this as “nurture.” The environment can either improve or harm a child’s genetic blueprint. For example, malnourished children who live in third world countries may not reach their IQ potential because of the impact of their environment on their brain development. 

Posted in Parenting

7 Do’s and Don’ts of Raising a Happy Child

Posted on by Tim Connolly

Happiness probably tops the list of things you want to cultivate in your children — just follow our list of what to do (and not do) when nurturing your child’s positive outlook.

Do Let Your Kid Take the Lead

Spend “child-centered time” with your kid every day, says Joyce Nolan Harrison, M.D., assistant professor of psychiatry, division of child and adolescent psychiatry at Johns Hopkins Children’s Center. This means putting away all distractions (read: your smartphone!), getting on the floor, giving your full “face-to-face” attention, and letting your little one lead playtime. “Do what the child wants to do, not what you want the child to do,” she says. This isn’t a new concept, but it can be extremely difficult for many parents. Start by dedicating just five minutes to playtime each day. “Inevitably, what happens,” she says, “is parents want to do it more.” If you have multiple kids, spend time individually with each one; combine their playtime only if they request it.

Don’t Protect Kids From Failure

It may be one of the hardest tasks as a parent, but let your kid make her own mistakes — and learn from them. To help kids prepare for sticky situations, help them learn to accept life’s realities, such as conflict, struggle, and consequences. For instance, if your daughter repeatedly forgets to take her lunch to school, let her manage for herself in the cafeteria one day. If she isn’t getting along with a teacher or a classmate, let her try working it out first. “Children have to deal with the fact that this world is full of flawed people,” says Christine Carter, Ph.D., author of Raising Happiness and a sociologist at UC Berkeley Greater Good Science Center. Avoid becoming a “helicopter” parent, who is always hovering, or a “snow-plough” parent, who swoops in and rescues a child before something bad happens. Instead, adopt a middle-ground approach to parenting. “The trick is to stay just far enough away that the child begins to develop her own autonomy, but close enough that if a child is floundering, the parents can come in and pick her up,” says Dorothy Stubbe, M.D., associate professor and program director at Yale University School of Medicine Child Study Center.

Do Offer (Selective) Praise

Pop quiz: Your kid scores a 95 on a math test. You respond with: (A) You’re so smart! I’m super proud of you, or (B) I’m glad that you studied hard. Keep up the great work! For the sake of your child’s self-esteem and happiness, experts agree that option B is the best response, since it’s better to dole out praise for an action than for a result. Praising inherent traits, such as intelligence, can make kids self-conscious, which may lead to unwanted complexes. The worst-case scenario is when a child evolves into a perfectionist and eventually feels insecure and believes he is disappointing you if he doesn’t get straight A’s. These days, parents tend to overpraise, so buck the trend by praising for concrete actions and effort. Dr. Carter notes that it’s easier to comment on the end result, such as a high test score, but she recommends that you train yourself to praise “specific effort, because that’s in a child’s control.”

Don’t Criticize and Compare

Shining the light on unwelcomed behavior can often backfire. “Give a reaction when you want an action repeated,” Dr. Harrison says. “Ignore things you don’t want to continue. For some kids, a bad reaction is better than no reaction.” In other words, say something nice when your daughter puts away her toys, but try to hold your breath when she doesn’t share them with her little brother. Avoiding criticism boosts a child’s self-esteem and helps keep her happy and motivated, Dr. Stubbe says. If your child repeats the bad behavior, try hard to continue ignoring it. If it persists, remain patient, and calmly explain to him why his behavior is not acceptable, and remind him of how he should act.

Do Show Gratitude

“Gratitude and happiness are so strongly linked,” Dr. Carter says. So practice gratitude with your munchkin on a daily basis, but appreciation lists shouldn’t consist solely of toys and tablets. Teach your children to focus on being thankful for nonmaterial things, such as sleeping in a warm bed or taking an art class, to broaden their perspective. If your child can’t rattle off a list, it doesn’t mean he’s not grateful — he may simply need practice. “Kids aren’t really taught to be grateful, but parents get upset when kids act entitled,” Dr. Carter says. If your youngster isn’t responsive, try a sneaky approach: At dinnertime or before bed, ask him to name three good things that happened that day.