Posted in Discipline in kids, Financial freedom, money management, Parenting

How Assertiveness Improves Communication Skills

Teaching your teen how to behave in an assertive manner can be a beneficial life lesson that will serve your child throughout their life. Take a proactive approach to teaching and enhancing your teen’s communication skills and also focus on their money management skills. Most of the times, many parents feels confused about how to teach kids about money, but it is important to focus on that part also as it will effect their future life.

Reasons Why Teens Benefit From Learning Assertiveness Skills

Here are ten great reasons why teens should learn assertiveness skills.

They’re Less Likely to Be Bullied

A teen who is able to speak up and say, “Stop that,” or “I don’t like it when you do that,” is less likely to be victimized compared to a teen who remains silent.

It can be very difficult to stand up to a bully, but it can be very effective when it is done in an assertive manner.

Teens who are assertive can also stand up for peers who are being picked on.

They’re Less Aggressive

If your teen understands how to ask for help or how to get their needs met, they are less likely to resort to verbal or physical aggression.1 Instead, they’ll be able to express their feelings in a more pro-social manner by using respectful words.

A child who can say, “Please stop doing that,” won’t have to hit someone to get their point across.

They Communicate Their Needs

Communication between peers, parents and authority figures are effective when a teen behaves assertively. Assertive communication reduces indirect communication, like asking someone else to pass along a message, and allows your teen to behave in a polite but direct manner.

It also ensures that a teen will talk directly to a person who offends them, rather than gossiping with friends about the issue.

They Have Healthier Relationships

Teens who can speak up when their feelings are hurt are likely to have healthier relationships.

Instead of allowing people to violate their rights, assertive teens can say, “I don’t like it when you do that,” which can help build mutual respect in a friendship or romantic relationship.

They Know How to Manage Their Stress

Developing an understanding of assertiveness skills can help reduce a teen’s stress level. For example, a teen who is willing to ask a teacher a question will be able to reduce the stress she experiences when they don’t understand the work.

Assertiveness skills help a teen proactively solve problems rather than passively allowing bad things to happen.

They Have Healthy Self-Esteem

Teens who speak up for themselves will feel more confident over time. And the more confident they feel, the more likely they are to behave assertively.2

Teens who feel empowered to speak up will gain more and more confidence over time as they see how their behavior yields positive results.

They’re Less Likely to Seek Revenge

When people behave passively, they often experience a lot of hurt and anger. This can lead them to later act out in a passive-aggressive manner. A teen who is bullied or picked on may secretly think about seeking revenge.

Teach your teen to behave assertively so they can address problems as they arise.

They Understand Emotions

Communicating assertively requires teens to stop and think about their feelings. This helps them develop a better understanding of their emotions over time.

As their emotional intelligence increases, it’s easier to develop strategies to cope with those emotions.

They Accept Personal Responsibility

Assertive teens can ask for help, say what they need and tell others how they’re feeling.

When teens can ask for what they want, they’re less likely to walk around blaming others for how they feel.

Instead, they understand that if they want something, it’s their responsibility to try and make it happen.

They Resist Peer Pressure

A teen who can speak up for themselves will be able to say no to something they don’t want. This means they are more likely to say no to sexual advances they aren’t comfortable with and they’ll be better equipped to resist peer pressure to use drugs or alcohol. 

Posted in Discipline in kids, Financial freedom, money management, Parenting, teaching teens

8 Essential Strategies for Raising a Confident Teen

Kids who seemed confident throughout childhood may struggle to maintain self-assurance during the teen years. For many, adolescence is filled with self-doubt, a questionable body image, and insecurity. 

The good news is, you can take steps to help your teen build self-esteem. Here are eight strategies that will instill life-long confidence in your teen.

Promote Self-Improvement

Teens who struggle to master a skill may conclude they’re complete failures. A teen who has difficulty with math may decide they’re not smart. Or a teen who fails to make the soccer team may decide they’ll never be good at sports.

Show your teen that it’s possible to accept flaws while also striving to become better. There is a healthy balance between self-acceptance and self-improvement. Rather than label themselves as “stupid,” help your teen see that while they’re struggling academically, they can still strive to become better.

Praise Effort Instead of Outcome

Rather than praise your teen for getting a good grade on an exam, praise them for all the studying they did. Instead of saying, “Great job scoring those five points in the game,” say, “All that practicing you’ve been doing has been paying off.” Show them that it’s important to try hard and it’s OK if they don’t succeed all the time.

Your teen can control their effort but they can’t always control the outcome. It’s important to acknowledge their energy and effort so they don’t think they are only worthy of praise when they succeed.

Teach Assertiveness Skills 

Teens need to know how to speak up for themselves in an appropriate manner. An assertive teen will be able to ask for help when they don’t understand school work, rather than allow themselves to fall behind.

A teen who can speak up is also less likely to be treated poorly by peers. They’ll speak up for themselves when they don’t like how they’re being treated, and they’ll be able to ask for what they need in a direct manner.

Encourage Your Teen to Explore New Opportunities

Trying new activities like focusing on financial education for kids, discovering hidden talents, and challenging themselves can help grow teens’ confidence. But many teens are afraid of failure and don’t want to embarrass themselves. 

Encourage your teen to join a new club, play a musical instrument, engage in volunteer work, or find a part-time job. Mastering new skills will help them feel better about themselves.

Model Confidence

Your teen will learn the most about confidence based on what you do—not what you say. If you’re guilty of making critical statements about your body or your abilities, you’ll teach your child to do the same. 

Role model how to face new situations with courage and confidence and demonstrate the importance of loving yourself. Talk to your teen about times when you’ve been brave or things you’ve done in your life to help build your confidence. 

Build Self-Worth on a Healthy Foundation

If your teen only feels good when they get a certain amount of likes on social media or when fit into a certain size pair of pants, they’ll struggle to maintain confidence when situations don’t suit their needs. Basing self-worth on superficial things, external circumstances, or other people leads to a lack of confidence in the long run.

Help your teen build a healthy and stable foundation for self-worth. Emphasize your values and teach that true self-worth is about living according to those values. For example, help them see that it’s more important to be kind and caring rather than thin or attractive.

Balance Freedom with Guidance

Micromanaging your teen’s choices will only reinforce that they can’t be trusted to make good decisions independently. It’s important to balance just the right amount of freedom with plenty of guidance.

Provide your teen with plenty of opportunities to practice the skills you’ve taught. Let them experience natural consequences and they’ll learn from their own mistakes. Over time, they’ll develop increased confidence in their ability to make healthy choices.

Help Develop Positive Self-Talk

Your teen’s inner monologue will play a major role in how they feels about themselves. If they are always thinking things like, “I’m so ugly,” or “No one likes me,” they’re bound to feel bad about themselves.

Teach your teen to develop healthy self-talk. Point out how many thoughts aren’t true and help them see how being overly harsh can be detrimental. Teach her to reframe irrational thoughts like, “I’m going to fail because I’m stupid,” with something more realistic like, “I can pass math class if I work hard.” 

Posted in Parenting

My child gets on my nerves!! 5 Strategies to Help You Take Your Kid’s Behavior Less Personally

Maybe it’s an innocent comment like, “Ewww, Mama,your breath stinks, don’t kiss me!” or maybe it’s an angry outburst – name calling and slammed doors. Some things are hard not to take personally.

Do you ever find yourself thinking or saying any of the following?

You are making me so angry right now!

Why are you doing this to me?

Can’t he see he’s hurting me?

I can’t believe he’s treating me this way! He’s so ungrateful!

If those thoughts are coming up, you’ve got a pretty good indication you’re taking your child’s behavior personally. This means you wind up feeling hurt and angry. The next thing you know you’re in a power struggle with your child, or you’re saying things you swore you’d never say to them – trying to use guilt or shame to get them to behave the way you want them to.

Taking behavior personally makes it much harder to stay calm, much less think of solutions and be a leader.

How can we stay calm and not take things so personally?

First off – give yourself a bit of a break. You are certainly not the first person whose child has gotten on their nerves.

Getting on their parents nerves shows kids they have the power to make you react, and even if you’re reacting negatively, power is a huge motivator. This means kids have a knack for finding just what buttons to push to get the strongest reactions from their parents.

So – what can you do about it?

5 Strategies for Not Taking Your Child’s Behavior Personally:

1) It helps to remember that behavior is communication. Kid are young. They don’t have your years of experience dealing with frustration, fear or anger and they generally have far fewer resources for handling these big emotions. This means sometimes they express them inappropriately through their behavior.

2) Become familiar with your anger triggers. What actions, words or external circumstances are likely to get under your skin fast? Become familiar with your main anger triggers. As you notice these triggers you may be able to take steps to prevent them, or make plans for how to deal with them in the future.

3) Pause. There are VERY FEW behaviors that require immediate action. I love the way Rachel states this in her own post on not taking behavior personally. Her recommendation is: Stop, Pivot, Breathe. Sometimes you can’t leave the room for your own personal time out, but you can probably turn away or at least close your eyes as you take a deep breath.

It’s important to note that sometimes, if you’re very angry, it’s helpful to pause, catch yourself before exploding, and then simply state: “I’m too angry to talk about this right now.” You can wait out the immediate storm and work on problem solving and teaching once you’re more calm. Kids will not only remember your example of handling anger, they’ll also be more receptive to learning from you when they’re not afraid of your rage.

4) Ask yourself: What am I feeling? Where is this coming from for me? When you notice you’re taking your child’s behavior personally, it’s a great time to be a bit of a detective: What nerve did they touch? When have you felt like this before? What story are you hearing in your head about this behavior or these words? You might not know the answers right away, but investigating can help you understand why you feel so deeply in these moments, and lets you write a new script for yourself.

Recommended Book: Mindsight by Daniel Siegel. We don’t have to stay trapped by our past experiences and traumas. This book tells us how to use mindsight to unravel these traps and resolve recurring conflict in our lives.

5) Change your inner script – when you notice a thought like, “Why is he doing this to me!?” try changing it to: “I wonder what he needs from me right now?” In her book Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids, Bonnie Harris explains:

To affect our child’s behavior, his internal state must first be understood, then accepted, then addressed.

Kids who are “misbehaving” are stressed because of an unmet need set some rule and Get your kids to follow rules . By thinking about what they might need, we move away from taking their behavior personally and move back into being their loving parent and guide.