Tag: Parenting

Posted in Financial freedom, money management, Parenting, teaching teens

Teen Parenting Tips (13, 14, 15, 16, 17, and 18-Year-Olds)

Posted on by Tim Connolly

The teen years are a time to ensure your child is going to be ready for life after high school. You’ll likely notice your teen can be quite independent in many ways. But, it’s also a time when you’ll notice areas that need some improvement.

When you notice your teen is struggling in certain areas, teach her new life skills one of the life skill could be teaching teens about money management . And give her plenty of opportunities to practice being responsible and independent. Focusing on healthy habits now can equip your teen to care for herself in the future.

Daily Life

Even though there will be times when your teen insists he knows everything or that he has all the skills he needs to function in the adult world, there’s a good chance his skills could use some fine-tuning.

Of course, the teen years come with many new opportunities too. Getting a driver’s license and getting a part-time job are just a few of the milestones that will give your teen opportunities to practice being responsible.

In the meantime, it’s important to teach your teen how to take care of himself and how to perform everyday activities that will prepare him for the future.

Diet & Nutrition

A well-rounded diet based on the USDA guidelines should help your teen get all the essential vitamins and minerals he needs. Adolescents are going to most likely fall short of the daily recommended quotas of calcium, iron, zinc, and vitamin D.1

Unless blood tests and a pediatrician’s evaluation reveal a specific deficiency, it’s preferable to obtain nutrients from food rather than dietary supplements.

Moderately active girls between 13 and 18 require 2,000 calories per day.1

Teens who are active more than 60 minutes per day may need more calories while teens who are sedentary will need fewer calories to maintain a healthy body mass index.

Teens make many of their own food choices. That may mean they’re likely to grab fast food with their friends. It’s important to educate your teen about making good choices.

Keep the focus on health, instead of weight. Discuss the importance of fueling his body and brain.

Keep the kitchen stocked with healthy fruits and vegetables. Reserve sugary items for an occasional treat.

Be on the lookout for dieting and body image issues, especially in girls. Teen girls are often trying to lose weight and many of them restrict their food intake or begin to eat only certain types of food. Eating disorders often emerge during the teenage years.2

Physical Activity

It’s recommended that teens get 60 minutes of physical activity every day. Aerobic exercise should be the main form of activity.3

But muscle-building exercises, like strength training, and bone-building exercises, like jumping, are also important for good health.

If your teen isn’t interested in joining a sports team, don’t force it. Help her find something she really wants to do. Going for a daily walk or a bike ride, kayaking, or swimming could be activities she enjoys more than being on a team sport.

Even if your teen isn’t into sports, there are many activities that can get him moving. You can also make physical activity a family activity. Go for an evening walk after dinner or go hiking on the weekends.

Limit your teen’s screen time and encourage him to spend time outside. Talk about the importance of keeping his body healthy and make it a priority to be a good role model.

Around the House

The teen years are a critical time for young people to practice making decisions on their own and to be given more responsibility. The more responsibility they can take on now, the less they’ll struggle during their transition to adulthood. 

Responsibilities that are learned as teenagers include:

  • Complete tasks efficiently and correctly at home, school, and work.
  • To care for their own personal hygiene and possessions.
  • Show compassion for other people.
  • To be socially responsible in their day to day lives and online.
  • Control their emotions and interact appropriately with people.
  • Understand that sexual activity can lead to consequences.
  • How to handle peer pressure situations, like drinking, smoking and doing drugs.
  • Adult privileges like driving a car or having a bank account.
  • Hold a job and work well with others in a team.
  • The ability to earn and spend money wisely.

Make sure your teen knows how to do important household tasks, like laundry and cooking basic meals. You may want to rotate chores sometimes to ensure that they have an opportunity to practice doing the household activities you do to maintain the home.

Give your teen privileges based on their responsibility level. If they’re able to show you that they can be trusted with household tasks, you’ll have more confidence that he can handle the responsibility of driving of a car or being out with his friends unsupervised.

While your teen will want to spend the majority of their time with their friends, it’s important to insist on spending some time together as a family. A monthly family fun night or weekly pizza night might be traditions you decide to keep.

Eat meals together as a family whenever you can. This can be an important way to connect with your teen on an everyday basis.

Health & Safety

It’s important for your teen to know how to care of his health. Risky behavior can be one of the biggest dangers teens face. So educate your teen about the dangers they face and take away privileges when your teen makes poor choices.

Visiting the Doctor

Teens can continue seeing their pediatrician until they are 21. Annual wellness checks are recommended for teenagers.

Sports physicals, acne, respiratory infections, asthma, and skin issues are common reasons teens need to see their pediatrician in between annual visits.

It’s important to give teens an opportunity to speak with the pediatrician privately. They may have questions about sex, sexuality, STDs, alcohol, drugs, or other sensitive issues that they aren’t comfortable speaking about in front of a parent.

The pediatrician should check your child’s body mass index, provide counseling on physical activity and nutrition, and provide education on sexually transmitted infections.

Sexually active teens may be routinely tested for sexually transmitted diseases, including chlamydia and gonorrhea, even if they don’t have any symptoms.

The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists recommends girls have their first gynecologic visit between the ages of 13 and 15.

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention recommends teens have their second dose of the Meningococcal vaccine at age 16.

The pediatrician should also screen for mental health issues, such as depression and anxiety. It’s important to bring up any concerns you may have about your teen’s mood or behavior.

Sleep

The AAP recommends teens receive between 8 and 10 hours of sleep each night. Early school start times can make it difficult for teens to get the recommended amount of sleep.

Their biological clocks cause them to stay up later and sleep in longer. This makes waking early very difficult.

There are several things you can do to help your teen get enough sleep:

  • Talk to your teen about her nightly routine. Discuss the importance of giving herself time to unwind before she goes to bed. Reading or taking a bath can be good ways to unwind.
  • Turn off electronic devices early. Shut off smartphones, laptops, and TVs at least 30 minutes before bedtime. Don’t allow her to sleep with a smartphone in her bedroom.
  • Discourage naps. Falling asleep after school can interfere with nighttime sleep.
  • Keep your teen’s sleep schedule consistent. Sleeping in on the weekends or staying up too late on vacations will interrupt your teen’s biological clock. Establish a wake-up time on non-school days that is no more than onehour later than school wake up times.

Safety

The biggest safety issue teens face is their risky choices. They’re likely to be impulsive at times, and sadly, it only takes one bad decision to get into a serious accident.

Motor vehicle accidents are the leading cause of death for teens in the U.S. Teens age 16 to 19 have a much greater risk of death or injury in a car crash than any other age group.7

Before your teen gets behind the wheel—or becomes a passenger with a teen driver—it’s important to understand the biggest dangers that lead to teen car crashes. Distracted driving, speed, and driver inexperience are all factors that can contribute to motor vehicle accidents in teens.

Create rules for your teen and make your expectations clear. Talk about consequences for reckless behavior, such as driving too fast or getting in the car with someone who has been drinking.

The third greatest risk to a teen’s health is violence. IN 2017, more than 1,800 teens from the ages of 15 to 19 died from violence in the U.S.

According to a 2017 survey from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), 19% of teenagers have been bullied during the previous year. And 16% of students reported carrying a weapon (a knife or gun) at least once in the previous 30 days.9

Talk to your teen about how to stay safe. Discuss what to do if he’s bullied or how to respond if he learns of another student carrying a weapon. Talk about dating violence as well, since many acts of violence occur in romantic relationships.  

Suicide is the third leading cause of death for teens from 15 to 19 years of age.8 Approximately 7% of high school students attempt suicide in 2016, according to the CDC, but many more teens think about suicide but don’t act on it.

While there are many factors that contribute to suicide, loneliness, depression, family problems, and substance abuse can place a teen at an especially high risk.10

It’s important to monitor your teen’s mental health. If you suspect your teen may have a mental health issue or they’ve expressed thoughts of suicide, seek professional help. You can start by talking to their pediatrician.

Technology

Technology plays a huge role in the everyday lives of teenagers. It’s changed how they date, socialize, and communicate.

Stay up-to-date on the latest apps, social media sites, and digital devices teens are using. Your teen won’t listen to your warnings if you aren’t educated about the risks and dangers.

Cyberbullies and sexual predators pose credible risks. But those aren’t the only threats your teen faces online.

People may attempt to steal their identity too. Or, they may be invited to participate in scams or fraudulent activity, without even realizing it. So it’s important to educate your teen about these dangers.

It’s also important to talk about the importance of managing their online reputation. The pictures they post, memes they share, and content they like will create a permanent record of their activity.

The choices they make online now could affect them for the rest of their life. College admissions officials, future bosses, and even future romantic partners may turn to the internet to gain information about them.

Create clear rules for your teen’s smartphone and other electronic devices. Establish consequences for breaking the rules.

While you don’t need to read every message your teen sends, monitor their online activity. Know what they’re doing online and make sure they’re making healthy choices.

Your Teen’s World

It’s normal for your teen to think the world revolves around him sometimes. In fact, they might even think they have an “imaginary audience.”

The “imaginary audience” is a label for teens’ belief that a group of followers exists who constantly watch and judge their every move.11 The belief arises from the larger concept of adolescent egocentrism, that teens think the world revolves around them and that everyone is paying attention to how they look and what they do. This is a normal phase of social development in teens.

It can be exasperating for a parent to see their teen change his shirt five times before heading to school, with most of the choices appearing almost identical. But this is normal teen behavior.

In addition to becoming more invested in social relationships, your teen will also grow more aware of social issues. They may grow invested in helping a charity or fighting for a political cause they believe in.

As your teen matures, they’ll spend more time thinking about their values. They may question their faith or claim they’re going to live a different lifestyle than you. That’s all part of the separation process as your teen becomes their own person.

It’s normal for all teens to feel like they don’t fit in sometimes. Their confidence is also likely to waiver. But for teens who are bullied and ostracized, adolescence is likely to be an especially rough time.

If your teen is struggling to fit in socially, consider getting professional help. Loneliness and isolation could lead to mental health problems.

It’s also important to keep a close eye on your teen’s stress level. Academic issues, social problems, sports-related pressure, and preparing for the future can be overwhelming at times.

Teens need healthy stress reduction activities and relaxation skills. Proactively teach your teen how to recognize when her stress level is high and show her how to cope with stress in a healthy way.

Quick Tips

Whether your teen loves music or he’s into sports, support your teen’s efforts to be an individual. That may mean taking a step back and realizing that your teen’s job isn’t to fulfill your dreams for them—their job is to reach their own dreams. 

Posted in Discipline in kids, Financial freedom, money management, Parenting, teaching teens, Uncategorized

School’s Out: How to Teach Your Kids from Home

Posted on by Tim Connolly

Juggling education and employment can be really difficult. Let alone someone else’s education, and your own employment. In the past few weeks, many parents have found themselves having to teach their children from home. All while holding down a full-time job remotely. 

So for those of you who are suddenly faced with the role of full-time worker and part-time educator, I hope this week’s post will provide a helping hand. 

My aim is to use the skills to help carers figure out how best to teach their children, and my own experience in teaching to figure out what to teach them.

How to teach  

1. Intentions

My first step is to find the “why” behind the lesson. To ask myself: what is it that I hope to achieve? 

Specific aims tend to work best. Non-specific ones, such as “improve Maths skills” or “get better at English” are too vague. They’re difficult to measure, so can leave both parties feeling frustrated. 

Instead, I prefer to set really precise goals, which can be achieved in an hour or less. Something like: understanding a specific extract of literature, or getting to grips with a single math problem. 

I have found that, when teaching, building confidence is just as important as building knowledge. It’s better to go slow and achieve mastery, than race through and leave the student feeling lost or inadequate. 

2. Learning Styles 

In my experience, kids learn best from a place of curiosity, rather than a sense of obligation. But curiosity is deeply personal — what makes me curious might make you want to take a nap. 

This is where Learning Styles come in. In NLP, it is thought that people fall into three categories when it comes to processing the world: 

  • Visual — a preference for pictures and images; 
  • Auditory — a preference for sounds; 
  • Kinaesthetic — preference for touch, sensation or emotion. 

You can be more than one of these at the same time. In fact, I would argue that most people contain all three, in varying proportions. Also, a different preference can be dominant in different situations or moods. 

For example, I’m mostly Visual — I learn best when watching something rather than reading about it. If I was faced with the exact same information — one as a YouTube tutorial and another as a transcript — I would absorb much more from the tutorial. 

However, when I’m upset, I become highly Kinaesthetic — I like to feel comfy, and often find myself mindlessly stroking what I’m wearing, like a scarf or a jumper. 

Figuring out a student’s Learning Style is really key, in my experience, to teaching. There are two ingredients to teaching — information and delivery. Learning Style is a matter of delivery. By teaching in a child’s preferred Learning Style, you leave more of their energy free to focus on the information itself.  

Once you understand your child’s Learning Style, you can start to tailor the lessons accordingly. For example: 

  • A child with a Visual preference might benefit from illustrations, drawings, a whiteboard; 
  • Someone with Auditory preferences might enjoy conversation as a way of learning; 
  • If your kid has a Kinaesthetic preference, they might learn best through stories and anecdotes. 

By understanding Learning Styles, you can not only get your message across, but also understand how it will be received. 

3. The Four Stages of Learning

NLP teaches that, in any skill, people progress across four stages of competence: 

  • Unconscious Incompetence (i.e. you don’t know something, and you don’t know that this is the case)
  • Conscious Incompetence (i.e. you don’t know something, and you know that this is the case)
  • Conscious Competence (i.e. you know how to do something, but only if you actively think about it)
  • Unconscious Competence (i.e. you know how to do something, without even having to think about it)

Very young children bypass the Conscious phase of the Learning Cycle (they move directly from Unconscious Incompetence to Unconscious Competence). They do this by copying what they see, without needing to understand why they are doing it.

But as children grow older, and start learning more complex ideas, they start to experience the discomfort of Conscious Incompetence. This can lead to feelings of self-blame and shame, for not understanding things “well” or “quickly” enough. Over time, learning can become associated with negative emotions, and therefore be met with hostility. 

Everyone has thresholds in energy, which vary for different things. When I was learning how to drive, I found myself getting really tired after an hour-long lesson. My partner, who has been driving for over a decade now, was designated driver during our time travelling, and frequently drove for 6 or more hours per day. His only complaint was how much Taylor Swift I subjected him to. 

Children operate in the same way. They have thresholds for learning. Existing in the realm of Conscious Incompetence or Conscious Competence can take a lot of energy.  

By understanding the Learning Cycle, you can recognise zoning out or a lack of interest for what it is — your child is starting to reach their learning threshold. 

For subjects they are Unconsciously Competent in (for me this was English), children can learn for longer. For subjects in which they have Conscious Competence, the threshold may be as little as ten minutes. 

Either way, recognising this, without judgement, creates a positive learning experience. It will also make it much easier to return to the subject later. When faced with a child’s learning threshold, I have found that the best thing to do is to move on, and return to the subject later.

The “What” of Learning

Achievement 

“You often feel tired, not because you’ve done too much, but because you’ve done too little of what sparks a light in you.”

— Alexander Den Heijer, Nothing You Don’t Already Know

Personally, I have found that my happiness levels are higher on the days where I feel like I’ve “accomplished” something. But it can be hard to get a sense of achievement during the lockdown. 

For me, discovering the VIA Character Test has been instrumental in this (they also do a Young Person’s version). The VIA Test helps you discover your key strengths. When I do something towards one of them every day, I get a sense of accomplishment. 

Here’s a full list of ideas. And this is what I’ve been doing: 

  • One of my strengths is “Curiosity”, meaning that I love discovering new things and engaging with the world around me. This can be tricky right now, but there are ways around it. For example, I’ve been getting in touch with someone new on most days, to catch up and check in. I’ve also been trying a new exercise every day (YouTube is great for this). 
  • One of my other strengths is “Love of Learning”. This means that — you’ve guessed it. Learning new things is fun for me. This sounds like it could only be a good thing. But it can be negative too, in that, without sufficient mental stimulus, I get easily bored. So, every day during the lockdown, I’ve been trying to learn something new – by spending an hour or so reading about something that interests me, but I don’t know much about. 

You can apply this approach to both yourself and your kids. By understanding their strengths, and doing something to “feed” these every day, you can help them to achieve a sense of accomplishment, even during the lockdown. 

The Old and New 

Having no syllabus can be a great opportunity to experiment. Even when I was teaching curriculum subjects, I found that people responded best to a mixture of stimuli. So — a combination of something established, like English or Maths, plus something brand new — like Philosophy or Psychology —  in every lesson, achieved the best results. 

For example, if we were talking about Modernist Literature, we’d also learn about what was happening in the world of psychology at that time (hint: a lot) and how the two things were influencing each other. 

Mixing old and new within a topic is also a good way to provide a lesson that’s both stimulating and confidence-boosting. Re-hashing old ground helps a child feel confident that they are good at something, because they already “know” it. But keeping it fresh stops them from getting bored. 

So those are the two options that I would use: 

  1. If you’re working with a syllabus and/or exams haven’t been cancelled, mixing old information (the subject) with new (the context) can be great. 
  2. If you’re working outside a syllabus, then this is the perfect opportunity to mix curriculum subjects (Maths, Science) in maths particularly you can focus on using it to teach money management for children with other kinds of skills (Meditation, Positive Psychology). 

Which leads us to…

Helpful Links 

If you are feeling like you need a break, or would just like to keep your children occupied, here are some additional tools which might help: 

  • The app-based tuition agency, Sophia, have started offering all their services online.
  • Holly King-Mand has been offering free English lessons every day since the lockdown began
  • Udemy offers reasonably-priced online courses, including kids courses in Art, Yoga and Writing
  • Headspace does short meditations for kids

Conclusion 

The last comment I would make, from an perspective, is that learning is state dependent. In other words, the mental and emotional state of your children will influence how effectively they learn. 

So, without the pressure of outcomes, like exams and grades, this can become a really wonderful opportunity to re-frame their attitude towards learning. To create positive associations, and to encourage them to learn by following and exploring their own natural curiosity, rather than out of a sense of obligation. 

Posted in Discipline in kids, Financial freedom, Kids, money management, Parenting, teaching teens

Real-Life Lessons To Teach Your Kid At Home During The Pandemic

Posted on by Tim Connolly

Homeschooling during the pandemic has many of us struggling. While our teachers continue to go above and beyond providing resources and assignments, the message for us as parents is to just do what you can.

While some of us thrive on colour-coded schedules, others of us are finding the struggle all too real, in between work demands, our kids’ attitudes to homeschooling, and, oh yeah, our lack of a teaching degree. Don’t worry. This is not forever and your kids will catch up academically, if kitchen-table classes have been a fail.

We’ve compiled a list of real-life lessons your kids will actually enjoy:

1. Bake a cake

What happens to a solid fat (butter or coconut oil) when it’s heated? How do raising agents work? What happens to the batter after it spends time in the oven? As you make a cake with your kids, talk about the science behind the magic. You should also get them to do all the measuring and weighing of ingredients, so they’re working with fractions, weights and conversions. You could even have them prepare a grocery list for the ingredients, sticking to a budget.

Have them read the recipe and follow the step-by-step instructions. Then talk about the nutritional value of the ingredients you use: How apple sauce, bananas or carrots are better for you as sweeteners than just sugar; or how you can bump up the protein by with nuts or nut flours. Last part: Pure joy, as you savour the freshly baked end results.

Life skills: Being able to make food from scratch and budgeting

Academic skills: Home economics, chemistry, math, literacy, nutrition

Close up of family in the kitchen

2. Grow something edible

Nurture your kid’s green thumb by having them plant something in soil or sprout something on damp cotton. You can try fast-growing cress or mustard seeds, or seeds scooped from a fresh tomato, or even an old potato that’s started growing new roots in the bag. Cleaned-out yoghurt tubs or even empty toilet paper rolls make cheap and convenient pots for easy-to-grow seedlings like kale, mesclun mix and endive. Older kids can collect data every couple of days, about the growth and condition of the plants, then you can chat about important variables, like sunlight, shade and watering.

Life skills: Surviving the apocalypse (JK!) and gardening

Academic skills: Botany, environmental science, social studies

3. Learn to relax

So soccer fields, monkey bars and basketball courts are closed for business right now. But your kid can still do something with their excess energy and big emotions at home through yoga. All you need is a little floorspace to lay out a mat or folded blanket. To do a more formal kids’ yoga class, you’ll need internet access too, but really, the most important thing about yoga is learning how to breathe.

You can keep the at-home practice simple, having your kid lie down on the floor with their eyes closed, while you talk them through stretches or tightening and relaxing their muscles, from head to toe. Encourage them to take slower and deeper breaths, with their hand on their belly, so they can feel their abdomen rise and fall. Older kids might enjoy learning about the origins and history of yoga too. Here’s a great resource that explains the basics.

Life skills: Emotional regulation, coordination, self-discipline

Academic skills: Phys. ed., health sciences, world religions, geography

“Audiobooks give us the opportunity to listen to a story together, and they take the monotony out of tasks such as folding laundry.”

4. Drop off donations at a shelter or food bank ― or help a neighbour

With so many people in our communities experiencing income loss and food and housing insecurity right now, a hands-on lesson in human kindness is probably the most valuable thing we can give our kids. Chat with your children about how the pandemic is affecting more vulnerable people, in age-appropriate ways, then do some research together, either online or by picking up the phone, to see how you can help.

You could have your kids earn money doing extra chores to buy things to give to the charity of their choice, financial education for kids plays a very important role in building up their confidence, . Or you could get involved with a grassroots neighbourhood group that supports frontline health workers, by walking their dogs and dropping off prepared meals. Maybe your kids can check in on a senior on your street who lives alone by videochat, and then chat or play a game together, to break their isolation. There are so many ways to help!

Life skills: Serving others, budgeting and community-mindedness

Academic skills: Research and math (high-school kids could get their volunteer hours too)

Get them started young.

5. Fold laundry together while listening to a podcast or audiobook

With all of the additional demands and ongoing stress of the pandemic, sometimes we are beyond exhausted, and reading to our kids or persuading them to read a book might just feel like one thing too much. Audiobooks give us the opportunity to listen to a story together and they take the monotony out of tasks such as folding laundry, turning them into moments for bonding.

Sites like Audible currently offer a selection of kids books that can be streamed for free, as do many public libraries. It’s fun to chat afterwards about what you listened to together. Consider things like how the details of the story were revealed, what the surprises were and what you both thought of the main characters.

Posted in Discipline in kids, Financial freedom, Kids, money management, Parenting

Helping Children with Learning Disabilities

Posted on by Tim Connolly

When it comes to learning disabilities, look at the big picture

All children need love, encouragement, and support, and for kids with learning disabilities, such positive reinforcement can help ensure that they emerge with a strong sense of self-worth, confidence, and the determination to keep going even when things are tough.

In searching for ways to help children with learning disabilities, remember that you are looking for ways to help them help themselves. Your job as a parent is not to “cure” the learning disability, but to give your child the social and emotional tools they need to work through challenges. In the long run, facing and overcoming a challenge such as a learning disability can help your child grow stronger and more resilient.

Always remember that the way you behave and respond to challenges has a big impact on your child. A good attitude won’t solve the problems associated with a learning disability, but it can give your child hope and confidence that things can improve and that they will eventually succeed.

Tips for dealing with your child’s learning disability

Keep things in perspective. A learning disability isn’t insurmountable. Remind yourself that everyone faces obstacles. It’s up to you as a parent to teach your child how to deal with those obstacles without becoming discouraged or overwhelmed. Don’t let the tests, school bureaucracy, and endless paperwork distract you from what’s really important—giving your child plenty of emotional and moral support.

Become your own expert. Do your own research and keep abreast of new developments in learning disability programs, therapies, and educational techniques. You may be tempted to look to others—teachers, therapists, doctors—for solutions, especially at first. But you’re the foremost expert on your child, so take charge when it comes to finding the tools they need in order to learn.

Be an advocate for your child. You may have to speak up time and time again to get special help for your child. Embrace your role as a proactive parent and work on your communication skills. It may be frustrating at times, but by remaining calm and reasonable, yet firm, you can make a huge difference for your child.

Remember that your influence outweighs all others. Your child will follow your lead. If you approach learning challenges with optimism, hard work, and a sense of humor, your child is likely to embrace your perspective—or at least see the challenges as a speed bump, rather than a roadblock. Focus your energy on learning what works for your child and implementing it the best you can.

Focus on strengths, not just weaknesses

Your child is not defined by their learning disability. A learning disability represents one area of weakness, but there are many more areas of strengths. Focus on your child’s gifts and talents. Your child’s life—and schedule—shouldn’t revolve around the learning disability. Nurture the activities where they excel, and make plenty of time for them.

Recognizing a learning disorder

By understanding the different types of learning disorders and their signs, you can pinpoint the specific challenges your child faces and find a treatment program that works.

Helping children with learning disabilities tip 1: Take charge of your child’s education

In this age of endless budget cuts and inadequately funded schools, your role in your child’s education is more important than ever. Don’t sit back and let someone else be responsible for providing your child with the tools they need to learn. You can and should take an active role in your child’s education.

If there is demonstrated educational need, the school is required by law to develop an Individualized Education Plan (IEP) that delivers some educational benefit, but not necessarily one that maximizes student achievement. Parents who want the best for their kids may find this standard frustrating.

Understanding special education laws and your school’s guidelines for services will help you get the best support for your child at school. Your child may be eligible for many kinds of accommodations and support services, but the school might not provide services unless you ask for them.

Tips for communicating with your child’s school:

Being a vocal advocate for your child can be challenging. You’ll need superior communication and negotiation skills, and the confidence to defend your child’s right to a proper education.

Clarify your goals. Before meetings, write down what you want to accomplish. Decide what is most important, and what you are willing to negotiate.

Be a good listener. Allow school officials to explain their opinions. If you don’t understand what someone is saying, ask for clarification. “What I hear you saying is…” can help ensure that both parties understand.

Offer new solutions. You have the advantage of not being a “part of the system,” and may have new ideas. Do your research and find examples of what other schools have done.

Keep the focus. The school system is dealing with a large number of children; you are only concerned with your child. Help the meeting stay focused on your child. Mention your child’s name frequently, don’t drift into generalizations, and resist the urge to fight larger battles.

Stay calm, collected and positive. Go into the meeting assuming that everyone wants to help. If you say something you regret, simply apologize and try to get back on track.

Don’t give up easily. If you’re not satisfied with the school’s response, try again.

Recognize the limitations of the school system

Parents sometimes make the mistake of investing all of their time and energy into the school as the primary solution for their child’s learning disability. It is better to recognize that the school situation for your child will probably never be perfect. Too many regulations and limited funding mean that the services and accommodations your child receives may not be exactly what you envision for them, and this will probably cause you frustration, anger and stress.

Try to recognize that the school will be only one part of the solution for your child and leave some of the stress behind. Your attitude (of support, encouragement and optimism) will have the most lasting impact on your child.

Tip 2: Identify how your child learns best

Everyone—learning disability or not—has their own unique learning style. Some people learn best by seeing or reading, others by listening, and still others by doing. You can help a child with a learning disability by identifying their primary learning style.

Is your child a visual learner, an auditory learner, or a kinesthetic learner? Once you’ve figured out how they learn best, you can take steps to make sure that type of learning is reinforced in the classroom and during home study. The following lists will help you determine what type of learner your child is.

Is your child a visual learner?

If your child is a visual learner, they:

  • Learn best by seeing or reading
  • Do well when material is presented and tested visually, not verbally
  • Benefit from written notes, directions, diagrams, charts, maps, and pictures
  • May love to draw, read, and write; are probably a good speller

Is your child an auditory learner?

If your child is an auditory learner, they:

  • Learn best by listening
  • Do well in lecture-based learning environments and on oral reports and tests
  • Benefit from classroom discussions, spoken directions, study groups
  • May love music, languages, and being on stage

Is your child a kinesthetic learner?

If your child is a kinesthetic learner, they:

  • Learn best by doing and moving
  • Do well when they can move, touch, explore, and create in order to learn
  • Benefit from hands-on activities, lab classes, props, skits, and field trips
  • May love sports, drama, dance, martial arts, and arts and crafts

Tip 3: Think life success, rather than school success

Success means different things to different people, but your hopes and dreams for your child probably extend beyond good report cards. Maybe you hope that your child’s future includes a fulfilling job and satisfying relationships, for example, or a happy family and a sense of contentment.

The point is that success in life—rather than just school success—depends, not on academics, but on things like a healthy sense of self, the willingness to ask for and accept help, the determination to keep trying in spite of challenges, the ability to form healthy relationships with others, and other qualities that aren’t as easy to quantify as grades and exam scores.

A 20-year study that followed children with learning disabilities into adulthood identified the following six “life success” attributes. By focusing on these broad skills, you can help give your child a huge leg up in life.

Learning disabilities and success #1: Self-awareness and self-confidence

For children with learning disabilities, self-awareness (knowledge about strengths, weaknesses, and special talents) and self-confidence are very important. Struggles in the classroom can cause children to doubt their abilities and question their strengths.

  • Ask your child to list their strengths and weaknesses and talk about your own strengths and weaknesses with your child.
  • Encourage your child to talk to adults with learning disabilities and to ask about their challenges, as well as their strengths.
  • Also this is the right time to start teaching kids about money for their better future decisions.
  • Work with your child on activities that are within their capabilities. This will help build feelings of success and competency.
  • Help your child develop their strengths and passions. Feeling passionate and skilled in one area may inspire hard work in other areas too.

Learning disabilities and success #2: Being proactive

A proactive person is able to make decisions and take action to resolve problems or achieve goals. For people with learning disabilities, being proactive also involves self-advocacy (for example, asking for a seat at the front of the classroom) and the willingness to take responsibility for choices.

  • Talk with your learning disabled child about problem solving and share how you approach problems in your life.
  • Ask your child how they approach problems. How do problems make them feel? How do they decide what action to take?
  • If your child is hesitant to make choices and take action, try to provide some “safe” situations to test the water, like choosing what to make for dinner or thinking of a solution for a scheduling conflict.
  • Discuss different problems, possible decisions, and outcomes with your child. Have your child pretend to be part of the situation and make their own decisions.

Learning disabilities and success #3: Perseverance

Perseverance is the drive to keep going despite challenges and failures, and the flexibility to change plans if things aren’t working. Children (or adults) with learning disabilities may need to work harder and longer because of their disability.

  • Talk with your child about times when they persevered—why did they keep going? Share stories about when you have faced challenges and not given up.
  • Discuss what it means to keep going even when things aren’t easy. Talk about the rewards of hard work, as well as the opportunities missed by giving up.
  • When your child has worked hard, but failed to achieve their goal, discuss different possibilities for moving forward.

Learning disabilities and success #4: The ability to set goals

The ability to set realistic and attainable goals is a vital skill for life success. It also involves the flexibility to adapt and adjust goals according to changing circumstances, limitations, or challenges.

  • Help your child identify a few short- or long-term goals and write down steps and a timeline to achieve the goals. Check in periodically to talk about progress and make adjustments as needed.
  • Talk about your own short- and long-term goals with your child, as well as what you do when you encounter obstacles.
  • Celebrate with your child when they achieve a goal. If certain goals are proving too hard to achieve, talk about why and how plans or goals might be adjusted to make them possible.

Learning disabilities and success #5: Knowing how to ask for help

Strong support systems are key for people with learning disabilities. Successful people are able to ask for help when they need it and reach out to others for support.

  • Help your child nurture and develop good relationships. Model what it means to be a good friend and relative so your child knows what it means to help and support others.
  • Demonstrate to your child how to ask for help in family situations.
  • Share examples of people needing help, how they got it, and why it was good to ask for help. Present your child with role-play scenarios that might require help.

Learning disabilities and success #6: The ability to handle stress

If children with learning disabilities learn how to regulate stress and calm themselves, they will be much better equipped to overcome challenges.

  • Use words to identify feelings and help your child learn to recognize specific feelings.
  • Ask your child the words they would use to describe stress. Does your child recognize when they are feeling stressed?
  • Encourage your child to identify and participate in activities that help reduce stress like sports, games, music, or writing in a journal.
  • Ask your child to describe activities and situations that make them feel stressed. Break down the scenarios and talk about how overwhelming feelings of stress and frustration might be avoided.

Recognizing stress in your child

It’s important to be aware of the different ways in which stress can manifest. Your child may behave very differently than you do when they are under stress. Some signs of stress are more obvious: agitation, trouble sleeping, and worries that won’t shut off. But some people—children included—shut down, space out, and withdraw when stressed. It’s easy to overlook these signs, so be on the lookout for any behavior that’s out of the ordinary.

Tip 4: Emphasize healthy lifestyle habits

It may seem like common sense that learning involves the body as well as the brain, but your child’s eating, sleep, and exercise habits may be even more important than you think. If children with learning disabilities are eating right and getting enough sleep and exercise, they will be better able to focus, concentrate, and work hard.

Exercise – Exercise isn’t just good for the body, it’s good for the mind. Regular physical activity makes a huge difference in mood, energy, and mental clarity. Encourage your learning disabled child to get outside, move, and play. Rather than tiring out your child and taking away from schoolwork, regular exercise will actually help them stay alert and attentive throughout the day. Exercise is also a great antidote to stress and frustration.

Sleep – Learning disability or not, your child is going to have trouble learning if they are not well rested. Kids need more sleep than adults do. On average, preschoolers need from 11-13 hours per night, middle school children need about 10-11 hours, and teens and preteens need from 8½-10 hours.

You can help make sure your child is getting the sleep they need by enforcing a set bedtime. The type of light emitted by electronic screens (computers, televisions, iPods and iPads, portable video players, etc.) is activating to the brain. So you can also help by powering off all electronics at least an hour or two before lights out.

Diet – A healthy, nutrient rich diet will aid your child’s growth and development. A diet full of whole grains, fruits, vegetables, and lean protein will help boost mental focus. Be sure your child starts the day with a good breakfast and doesn’t go more than 4 hours between meals or snacks. This will help keep their energy levels stable.

Encouraging healthy emotional habits

In addition to healthy physical habits, you can also encourage children to have healthy emotional habits. Like you, they may be frustrated by the challenges presented by their learning disability. Try to give them outlets for expressing their anger, frustration, or feelings of discouragement. Listen when they want to talk and create an environment open to expression. Doing so will help them connect with their feelings and, eventually, learn how to calm themselves and regulate their emotions.

Tip 5: Take care of yourself, too

Sometimes the hardest part of parenting is remembering to take care of you. It’s easy to get caught up in what your child needs, while forgetting your own needs. But if you don’t look after yourself, you run the risk of burning out. It’s important to tend to your physical and emotional needs so that you’re in a healthy space for your child.

You won’t be able to help your child if you’re stressed out, exhausted, and emotionally depleted. When you’re calm and focused, on the other hand, you’re better able to connect with your child and help them be calm and focused too.

Your spouse, friends, and family members can be helpful teammates if you can find a way to include them and learn to ask for help when you need it.

Tips for taking care of your self

Keep the lines of communication open with your spouse, family, and friends. Ask for help when you need it.

Take care of yourself by eating well, exercising, and getting enough rest.

Join a learning disorder support group. The encouragement and advice you’ll get from other parents can be invaluable.

Enlist teachers, therapists, and tutors whenever possible to share some responsibility for day-to-day academic responsibilities.

Learn how to manage stress in your own life. Make daily time for yourself to relax and decompress.

Communicate with family and friends about your child’s learning disability

Some parents keep their child’s learning disability a secret, which can, even with the best intentions, look like shame or guilt. Without knowing, extended family and friends may not understand the disability or think that your child’s behavior is stemming from laziness or hyperactivity. Once they are aware of what’s going on, they can support your child’s progress.

Within the family, siblings may feel that their brother or sister with a learning disability is getting more attention, less discipline and preferential treatment. Even if your other children understand that the learning disability creates special challenges, they can easily feel jealous or neglected. Parents can help curb these feelings by reassuring all of their children that they are loved, providing homework help, and by including family members in any special routines for the child with a learning disability.

Posted in Discipline in kids, Financial freedom, Kids, money management, Parenting

TEN FUN WAYS TO HELP YOUR CHILD MANAGE MONEY –FROM TODDLERS TO TEENS

Posted on by Tim Connolly

Money management for children is an important skill that many parents don’t know how to pass on to children. Many teenagers leave home for university or college unable to budget and make their student loan last for a whole term. With mounting student debts, it’s important to help your child learn to manage their money before they leave home.

When you think about it, your job as a parent is to make yourself redundant. By the time your child leaves home, you need to give them all the skills to care for themselves and lead happy fulfilling lives. And that includes helping your child to be financially independent.

Often money is a taboo subject in families, like the topics of death or sex. Particularly the amount Mum or Dad earns in their job. Or what they spend their money on. However, there is a bigger issue here – if your child doesn’t understand the way money works, they will struggle to be financially secure.

When you think about it, it’s not very fair to expect a child to manage their own money when they have never before had to budget, pay a bill, pay for a weekly shop, or been taught the dangers of getting into debt.

If you are lucky enough to have a good income, your child may not be familiar with the idea of bargain hunting, saving and budgeting. Many families feel fortunate that they don’t have to scrimp and save like their parents, and feel they are doing their children a favour by providing everything they need and want.

Couple this with the increase in guilt parents feel as they work long hours, and children are learning that money management is simply a matter of persuading parent to part with their cash! If your child grows up and gets everything they want without earning it, you are teaching them to feel ‘entitled.’

Learning about money will make your child feel more empowered and in control of their lives. They will learn at an early age that they can earn the money they need. And if they learn basic money principles, it can also make it less likely that your child will need to rely on the ‘bank of mum and dad’ when they leave home.

Money management for children should start when they’re toddlers. I remember my son at the age of three and four used to love to go to the shop and buy a packet of sweets with 50p because he left the shop with not only the sweets but in his mind, more ‘money’ than he went into the shop with.

So how do you teach your child about money? Here are my top ten tips for children of different ages to learn how to be good with money.

Ten fun ways to teach Toddlers about money

  1. Bargain hunting. Take them to a car boot sale. Allow them to take £2 of their pocket money and see what bargains they can pick up.
  2. Help them to learn about banks. Go to the bank and hold your toddler in your arms and explain what you are doing – get your toddler to hand over any money or cheques
  3. Have a savings account. Set up an account for your toddler. Help him to put money in and show him how he or she earns ‘extra’ money in interest.
  4. Make up fun money challenges. Give your child a handful of change and challenge them to add up the value of all the coins. Can your child find the right change to pay for something in a shop?
  5. Set up good spending habits. Give pocket money in cash. Have rules about how it can be spent. For instance, a good strategy is to put 50% into savings, 10% into a charity fund and 40% can be spent. Go with your child to put the money into the savings account. And let your child choose a suitable charity for the charity fund.
  6. Encourage them to earn. All children – even toddlers- should be encouraged to do some jobs around the home for love. However, they should also be able to earn extra money by doing additional jobs at home. Make a fun chart with photos, which they can decorate, of jobs and the money they can earn.
  7. Show them how to save. If your toddler wants something, encourage them to save up for it. Startup a fund in a jar.
  8. Encourage them to pay for things. When you are in shops encourage your child to pay for items, and check the change.
  9. Read books about money to your toddler such as Daniel Britton’s Financial Fairy Tales.
  10. Play games that help your child learn about money. Get them to set up a shop or play games such as Learning Resources’ Money Bags Coin Value Game, My First UK Money Snap or Orchard Toys’ Pop to the Shops

Top 10 Tips for Children aged 5-12

  1. Teach money management. Although you may find balancing the family budget boring, children don’t! Get your child to help you check the money you’ve paid with the credit card bill or your bank account. Show them the bills that arrive – explain what they’re for – and get them to help you to ‘pay’ them.
  2. Budget ahead for a holiday or weekend away. Ask your child what ideas they have for boosting the fund. Keep the fund in a special account, and work out how much you need, and where the money is going to come from.
  3. Play guessing games. For instance, guess how much the family holiday costs. Get everyone to guess how much the holiday will cost. Keep a tally of all the costs- transport, accommodation, food, entertainment and all the extras. Award a certificate to the person who is the closest in their guess.
  4. Plan fun on a budget –give your child a challenge to plan a fun family day out for £10 or less. You will be amazed at how creative children can be when you give them a challenge to achieve.
  5. Keep a jar for small coins. Encourage your child to count these up and bag them up in £1 bags. Then take them to the bank and cash them for a family treat.
  6. Set your children a challenge. To boost their income for one month. Or perhaps to support a charity. They could do a car boot sale, washing cars, rake leaves, sweep snow, or sell their old things (maybe on e-bay?) Or could they come up with a creative idea for a mini business?
  7. Save on shopping. Calculate your shopping bill for a week. Ask your child to help you make a saving the following week. Go through the bill and see how you could make savings. Keep going if you can – and learn to do shopping cost comparisons, use coupons, find cheaper alternatives, etc.
  8. Work out where their money goes. Give your child 12 envelopes. One for each month of the year. Encourage your child to keep receipts of everything they spend their money on, then at the end of each month work out what they spent their money on. And how much they saved.
  9. Work out where to put their money. Get your child involved in researching the best savings account for children. Identify the criteria (interest rates, ease of access, bonuses etc.) and then move their savings to the best account they can find.
  10. Set up a banking system at home. Encourage your child to save their money and offer interest and ‘bonuses’ for good saving habits. Every so often transfer the money into their ‘proper’ savings account.

Tips for Teenagers (13-18)

  1. Project about money. Teenagers love to do things with you, especially if they are learning something new. Plan a project together to learn about money. Include topics like the dangers of borrowing and paying interest, the real cost of a loan, what APR and AER means, and the best saving account for children. You can include subjects like how to budget, budget sheets, credit vs debit cards. Your child will love spending extra time with you. And who knows, you may learn a thing or two!
  2. Make budgeting fun. Get your teenager to write down a list of everything they most want to have or do. Then get them to keep track of their money for a month – write down everything they spend in a notebook, and at the end of the month put it on a spreadsheet, in different categories. Ask them to identify ways they could earn more, and ways they could spend less. Startup a saving fund and encourage them to save for the thing they want most.
  3. Find out what they want in the future. Ask your child to tell you about the sort of house they want to live in, the sort of car they want to drive and if they want children, pets, holidays, etc. Challenge them to work out the cost of buying that house (deposit, mortgage repayments, hidden costs) the cost of the car including running costs. How much it costs to raise a child until they’re 21, keep a pet, etc. Then break it down into monthly costs. Work out the monthly cost, and then what their salary would have to be able to take home just to pay that amount. Then work out what career they might need to earn that salary. Do the same exercise for a one bedroomed flat and second-hand car.
  4. Offer a bonus for saving. Encourage your child to save 50% of all the money they receive through pocket money, earning, and gifts. Work out a challenging, yet achievable savings goal, and offer to give them a small bonus if they achieve that goal in a year.
  5. Boost their income. Challenge your teen to find fun ways to increase the money they earn each month. Could they run a car wash, babysit, help a neighbour clear a garage or garden shed, or mow lawns?
  6. Feed a family of four for £40. The next challenge is to buy all the food and drink for everyone in the family for a week for £10 per person. Keep a running total, and have a chat afterwards about what they learned.
  7. Dare your teen to wait a week every time they choose to make a purchase. When your child identifies what they want to spend their money on, ask them to wait a week before actually buying it. This will help your child develop will power and think carefully about the purchase. They may even change their mind before buying the item, which will be a powerful lesson in the value of waiting.
  8. Presents on a budget. Start a family tradition that cards should be hand-made and presents for birthdays and Christmas should cost a fiver. Help your child identify suitable presents such as hand-made sweets, a compilation CD with the recipients favourite songs, writing and framing a funny poem, hand painting a piece of crockery or framing a special photo. See how creative and inventive your child can be.
  9. Find a charity to support. Ask your teenager to work out whether they would prefer to support a charity that is local, national or international? Would it support children with terminal illnesses or special needs, tackle child slavery, help homeless people or support families in poorer countries? How would donations be put to best use? Research carefully to plan which charity to support. Then encourage your child to put aside 10% of the money they receive to help others.
  10. Make money with a fiver. Give your child £5, and see how much money they can make with it. Perhaps they could go to a car boot sale and sell their bargains on e-bay? Or buy a bucket, cloth and detergent and offer to clean cars? Could they make cakes or drinks to sell? Or make gifts or cards?
Posted in Discipline in kids, Financial freedom, Kids, money management, Parenting, teaching teens

How Much Allowance to Give Your Kids

Posted on by Tim Connolly

Giving your kids an allowance is a smart idea. It’s never too soon to learn about financial education for kids. An allowance can also teach other important concepts, including:

  • Delayed gratification—saving for things they really want
  • Charity and helping others
  • Budgeting

But many parents have questions about how much to give, what to do about chores, and other allowance policies. Here is what experts recommend.

Determine How Much Allowance to Give

Calculating the right allowance amount really means thinking about what you expect your children to buy with their funds. If it’s simply extra spending money, then the allowance does not need to be very much, particularly for a younger child. But if you expect your child to pay for many of their own day-to-day expenses, then it should be higher.

When you’re making the decision, consider:

  • What your child is now spending on the things you will expect the allowance to cover (say, school lunches, clothing, and birthday gifts for friends).4
  • What your child’s peers are getting, if you know.
  • A base rate of one dollar per year of age every week or every other week. The idea is to have a formula that will slowly increase as your child gets older.
  • An amount that can be split into thirds: One-third for saving, one-third for spending, and one-third for charitable contributions.

Create Sensible Allowance Policies

As with any other family rule, set expectations about allowance from the beginning, and then stick to them. Give your children their allowance each and every week, whether or not they remember to ask for it. This helps them learn how to budget.

If they run out of funds before the next payday, don’t bail them out. Part of the point of an allowance is to learn how to prioritize and budget.4 Giving advances doesn’t help kids learn how to use their money carefully.

Encourage or require your child to set aside a certain amount each week for short-term and long-term savings and for charity.

Avoid Allowance Mistakes

Keep allowances working for you and your family by steering clear of these common mistakes.

  • Tying allowance to doing chores. If the allowance is associated with specific chores, kids can stop doing the chores and say they don’t want the money anymore. Keep regular chores separate from allowance (keep giving the allowance even if your child fails to do chores).
  • Instead, allow your child to earn money beyond allowance by doing extra chores—as long as regular chores are complete. Regular chores are just part of being a contributing member of the household.
  • Withholding your child’s allowance as a punishment. Take away privileges instead.
  • Doling out extra money. Don’t give your child money for extras in addition to giving an allowance. This means the allowance isn’t helping to teach financial responsibility.
  • Starting too late. Between five and seven years old, most kids are ready to start learning about money and understanding the concepts allowances teach.
Posted in Discipline in kids, Financial freedom, Kids, Parenting, teaching teens

Should You Charge Your Teen Rent?

Posted on by Tim Connolly

Many parents wonder whether it’s ever appropriate to charge a teenager rent. While you shouldn’t charge rent while your teen is attending high school, there may be times when becoming a landlord is appropriate. In fact, charging your teen rent might be the kindest thing you could do in some circumstances.

When to Charge Rent

As long as your teen is attending school full-time (whether it’s high school or college), don’t charge rent. But, don’t let him continue the free ride if he’s not furthering his education.

Here are a few examples of when you should expect your teen to contribute to his room and board:

  • Your 16-year-old drops out of high school and says he wants to get a job.
  • Your 17-year-old quits school and says he’d prefer to just get his GED.
  • Your 18-year-old wants to live at home after he graduates from high school. He plans to find a job, rather than go to college.
  • Your 19-year-old drops out of college after one semester.

Dangers of Not Charging Rent

There’s nothing wrong with allowing your teen or young adult to live at home for a few extra years while she earns money or gains the skills she needs to live on her own. But allowing her to live rent-free could be harmful to her—as well as your relationship. Here are a few dangers of not charging rent:

  • Your child will miss out on learning skills. Independent living teaches valuable life skills, ranging from financial education for kids to budgeting and self-discipline.The longer your teen delays paying rent, the longer it will take for her to gain those skills.
  • Your child’s emotional growth could be stunted. Independent living requires young people to face their fears, step outside their comfort zones, and deal with stress on their own. Charging rent could be instrumental in helping your child build mental strength.
  • Not charging rent could be taxing on your income. Helping your child out financially could be harmful to your nest egg. Many parents delay retirement or give up things so they can continue supporting their children beyond the age of 18.
  • You may fuel your child’s fantasy about independent living. If your teen doesn’t pay rent, he’ll be free to spend his money however he wants. He may buy expensive things that won’t be able to afford once he has to pay rent.
  • Your teen may grow more dependent on you. Your teen should be gaining independence over time. But as long as he’s living in your home rent-free, he may grow increasingly dependent on you to take care of him. He may doubt his ability to live on his own.

How Much to Charge

Research local rental advertisements to get a good idea about what your teen might pay for a one bedroom apartment. Charge a little bit less for his room and board in your home.

Decide what other expenses you’re going to make your teen responsible for paying. Car insurance, gas money, and entertainment are a few of the bills he could start to cover on his own.

Make sure he knows that he’ll have added expenses when he moves out. Utilities, cable, and groceries, for example, may be more expensive than he anticipates.

What to Do With the Money 

Some parents feel uncomfortable collecting rent from their children. They feel guilty about spending it or putting it in their own bank account.

If you don’t want to use the money for yourself, you could set the rent aside in a special account. Then, invest it into a retirement account for your teen or use it to help pay for your teen’s education if he decides to take classes at a later date.

But, you are certainly free to use the money however you want. Use it to cover your expenses, go on vacation, or save it up for retirement if you wish. 

Teach Money Lessons Early

It’s important to start teaching your teen valuable lessons about money as soon as possible. Assigning chores and giving an allowance at a young age will teach your child basic money skills.

As he grows older, make your child responsible to pay for some of his own clothing or his entertainment. Teach him about budgeting and assist him in setting aside money for savings. No matter how old your teen is, it’s never too late to start teaching him to be financially savvy.

When your teen pays rent, he’ll learn how to start being more responsible with his money. If he’s late on the rent, or he’s struggling to manage his money, turn his mistakes into learning opportunities.

With practice—and more guidance—he will be able to be successful at paying his own way when he’s on his own. Your goal should be to ensure that he’s able to be independent once he moves out of the house.

Establish Healthy Guidelines

If you’re going to charge your teen rent, establish some guidelines that will help you live together more comfortably. It’s important to ensure that your rent collection serves as a worthwhile practice for both you and your teen.

Create rules that will ensure your teen learns from the opportunity you’re giving him. Here are a few examples of expectations you might set:

  • We’ll review your budget together. Tell your teen he needs to sit down with you once a week to assess his budget. Help him figure out how much he needs to set aside to cover his bills.
  • Late rent will lead to interest charges. Allowing your teen to be late on the rent every month won’t do him any favors. Hold him accountable by charging interest—even if it’s only a few dollars. His next landlord likely won’t be as kind so it’s important to teach him to pay on time.
  • In six months I’ll help you find an apartment. Make sure you have an end goal in mind. If your teen thinks he can live with you forever, he might not save up any money to money to move out.

Most importantly, keep the lines of communication open with your teen. Talk about rent-related issues as they arise to prevent them from damaging your relationship.

Remember, that you are still in charge. So even when your teen pays rent, he doesn’t have the right to break your rules, behave disrespectfully, or do whatever he pleases. You still own your home or pay for your apartment, so you get to set the rules.

When used appropriately, collecting rent from your teen could enhance your relationship and may better prepare your teen for the future.

Posted in Financial freedom, Kids, Parenting, teaching teens

Raising a Teen Who Won’t Need to Move Back Home

Posted on by Tim Connolly

They’re known as boomerang kids – the ones who move out at 18 only to return to Mom and Dad’s house a few years later when they’re financially strapped. For many families, supporting an adult child takes an emotional and financial toll.

Over the last four decades, there’s been a slow but steady increase in young adults moving back home. In 2012, 36% of young adults ages 18 to 31 were living in their parents’ homes, according to a 2012 Pew Research Center survey.

If you doubt you’ll be a fan of your teen living on your couch until he’s 30, take steps to encourage him to leave the nest – and stay there. Here are nine steps you can take now to decrease the chances your teen will move back home later:

1. Let Your Teen Make Mistakes

Teens need opportunities to make mistakes while they’re still living under your roof. If you micromanage all your teen’s daily activities, he’ll miss out on vital learning opportunities. Sometimes, natural consequences serve as the best teacher.

2. Teach Money Management Skills

The biggest reason teens move back home is due to financial problems. Start teaching kids about money at early age. Show your teen how to establish a budget and provide him with plenty of opportunities to practice buying clothing and paying for entertainment on a budget.

3. Educate Your Teen About Debt

A lot of young adults don’t understand the ramifications of debt. The concept of ‘buy now pay later’ becomes enticing to many 18-year-olds, even when don’t’ have the money to pay off the bills. Talk to your teen about the dangers of debt and make sure your teen understands how high-interest rates can wreak havoc on their finances.

4. Provide Guidance About Your Teen’s Future Plans

While teens need to have choices about they do in their future careers, it’s important to provide some guidance. A teen who wants to go deeply in debt for a generic college degree may spend much of his adult life paying back the loans. Provide plenty of education and guidance about your teen’s career-related choices.

5. Teach Your Teen Problem-Solving Skills

Healthy problem-solving skills can help your teen find strategies to deal with housing issues, transportation, and employment without moving back home. Proactively teach your teen how to solve problems independently.

6. Help Your Teen Learn How to Establish Healthy Relationships

Unhealthy relationships, whether it’s a friendship or a romantic relationship, can lead to lots of practical and emotional turmoil that can result in a teen moving home. Help your teen learn to recognize warning signs or red flags that indicate a relationship isn’t healthy.

7. Instill a Healthy Work Ethic

Instill a healthy work ethic by assign chores that teach responsibility and pay him an allowance for a job well done. When your teen is old enough, help him find a job. Help him see the benefits of work so he’ll remain driven to earn a living as an adult.

8. Teach Your Teen Life Skills

Teens need to know a variety of life skills, ranging from how to do chores to how to socialize with new people. Take time to proactively teach your teen the skills he’s going to need to live independently. Don’t forget to look at basic skills, like using telephone etiquette and addressing envelopes, which are often missed during the digital age.

9. Make Your Expectations Clear

If your teen thinks it’s normal to take out huge students loans and go deeply in credit card debt, he’s likely to think it’s OK to move back home. Make your expectations clear years in advance. Tell your child you expect him to be financially and emotionally independent. When he knows you expect him to hold down a job, pay his bills, and pay his own rent, he’s much less likely to move back home.

Posted in Discipline in kids, Financial freedom, Parenting

11 Life Skills You Should Teach Your Kids

Posted on by Tim Connolly

Life skills are valuable lessons kids will use throughout their lifetime. But most kids don’t learn how to handle real-world situations until they’re in high school. Don’t wait until your kids are teens to teach them life skills.

Get a jump start on teaching practical lessons to your children right now, starting with decision making and then building on each life skill lesson as your children grow.

Decision-Making Skills

Mother and daughter picking out clothes in bedroom

Making good decisions is a life skill every child should begin learning at a young age.

Begin with basic decisions like chocolate versus vanilla ice cream, blue socks or white socks, playing trains or playing cars. When kids reach elementary school age they can begin learning about the rewards of good decisions and the consequences of bad decisions.1

Walk them through the many steps of decision making. Help them weigh their options, evaluate the pros and cons of that decision and then let them make the final decision to see how things play out.

Health and Hygiene

child brushing her teeth in the mirror

Your kids are never too young to begin learning about health and hygiene. In our hectic day-to-day shuffle, we’re always telling our kids to take a bath, brush their teeth, wash their hands, and change their underwear. We never tell them why, though.

Explain why health and hygiene are always going to be crucial parts of their days. As your children begin learning about this life skill, set up a chart that allows them to check off each task as they complete it.

When these healthy habits are established over time, take away the chart and your kids will mentally go through the checklist throughout the day without you having to continually remind them.

Time Management

little boy pointing to a clock

Every parent knows how important time management is to keep your family on track. But it’s also important for kids to start learning time management lessons now.

Not only does teaching younger children how to measure time, stay on task and keep to a schedule help make your days easier, learning this life skill also helps them become masters of time so they can do everything from get up on schedule to ​someday getting to work on time.

Meal Prep

young girl making a sandwich

Even the youngest children can learn how to prepare a meal in the kitchen. We’re not talking about a five-course dinner, of course, but you can teach preschoolers how to fix a sandwich and elementary school kids can be taught how to use the microwave. And from tots to teens, your kids can be your sous chefs when it comes time for you to cook.

As your children become more confident in the kitchen, they can add on other meal prep life skills like learning how to bag their own lunch, make healthy food choices, cook a simple meal on the stove with adult supervision and plan their own meals.​

Money Management

young girl putting money in a piggy bank

We teach our kids to count. We teach our kids basic math. We can take those lessons further and turn them into life skills they can begin using right now.

Financial education for kids is something adults have trouble with. Now’s the perfect time to start teaching your children about money, its importance and how to manage it so they’ll be better prepared when they start earning a paycheck of their own.

Teach your kids effective money management so they can learn how to save, spend wisely, make change, and understand that writing a check or using a credit card isn’t free money.

Cleaning

young boys washing dishes at sink

Sometimes it’s easier for parents to do all of the housekeeping themselves. It’s a missed opportunity for us to teach our kids how to keep the house clean, which they’ll eventually need to know when they leave for college and someday have a house of their own to take care of.

Start with age-appropriate chore charts that include learning how to make the bed, empty the dishwasher and dust. Also, think of the daily messes your kids make and how they can clean up after themselves.

For example, keep a towel or sponge in the bathroom that lets kids wipe away those globs of toothpaste they leave on the counter. Since toys magically move from room to room in your house, keep a basket kids can throw them all in to take back to their own bedroom at the end of the day.

Set a daily housekeeping schedule to make cleaning a part of their routine and stick to it.

Laundry

father and young son doing laundry

If you have kids, you have a lot of laundry. Teaching your children how to wash, fold and put away their laundry is not only a life skill that will help them, it will also help you.

Toddlers can learn a lot by helping you with laundry, such as sorting clothes by color and understanding textures. As they grow, kids can start putting the clothes in the washer and transferring them to the dryer. Elementary school children can then learn how to operate the washing machine and dryer and how much laundry detergent is needed.

As laundry comes out of the dryer, you can show them how to fold their clothes and put them away. Pretty soon, they’ll be handling all of their laundry on their own.

Comparison Shopping

mother and young daughter shopping

“I want it! I want it! I want it!” How many times have you heard this when your kids spot candy, a toy, a T-shirt, a fish, or just about anything else you can think of that kids think they’ve got to have right now?

When we’re grown-ups we understand the value of the dollar and the importance of comparison shopping. However, we often overlook this valuable life skill we should be teaching our children.

The next time you’re standing in the store caught between a hefty price tag and a child demanding for you to fork over your cash, take the time to get your phone out and search for the item on a variety of shopping sites. Show your kids how much that item costs at other stores and what comparable items there are that may be of better quality.

Maybe the one in the store where you are is the best deal and top product after all. But teaching kids to be smart shoppers and taking the time to comparison shop will help them save money everywhere they go while also making smart decisions on the types of products they choose.

Ordering at Restaurants

child ordering at a restaurant with her mother

As parents, we tend to place our children’s orders at restaurants just to make things easier on the server. However, letting our kids order for themselves is fun for them and builds confidence.

Many restaurants have picture menus on the kids’ menu so preschoolers can begin by circling or coloring what they want to eat. As that confidence grows, kids can begin verbally telling the server what they would like, from the entrée to the sides. Remind the kids to practice good manners by saying please and thank you after they order.

Getting Ready

young boy getting ready for school

Kids can learn how to get ready on their own at an early age. Let them pick out the clothes they’ll wear the next day before they go to bed. Choose an alarm clock that’s easy for them to set. Lay out their hairbrush and toothbrush. Use visuals to illustrate the whole process.

For example, take a picture of the alarm clock, their clothes, another one of their toothbrush, then hairbrush and even the potty to remind them to go before you head out the door. The pictures are daily flashcards until they get in the habit of getting ready all on their own.​

Maintenance Around the House

mom showing her son how to change a light bulb

Kids love to be your big helper and there’s always light maintenance around the house that they can pitch in to do.

Easy tasks include showing them how to change the toilet paper roll or bag up the trash. Older children can learn how to change a light bulb, unclog a drain and change, the vacuum cleaner bag.

Posted in Discipline in kids, Financial freedom, Parenting, teaching teens

How to Teach Kids Self-Discipline with Money

Posted on by Tim Connolly

A lot of behavior problems and discipline issues stem from problems surrounding a child’s allowance and chores. It’s easy to get into power struggles over these issues, especially with teens.

Establishing rules, setting limits and enforcing consequences about your child’s spending habits can help your child learn how to make healthy decisions about money for the rest of his life.

Teaching kids about money FAQs

Teaching kids how to be wise with earning and spending money will not only prevent a lot of behavior problems, it will also be a skill that helps them for the rest of their lives.

I interviewed Andrew Schrage, financial planning expert and the co-owner of Money Crashers, to find out how parents can teach kids how to have self-discipline with money.

How do parents’ financial habits affect kids’ attitudes and behaviors about money?

The financial habits of parents have a direct effect on their children’s attitudes and behaviors regarding money. Children often mimic their parents, and if a child sees a parent wasting money or going into credit card debt, they’re more likely to do the same as they grow up. A child who has never been shown how to save money simply won’t know how to do it once they begin to manage their own finances.

How soon should kids be allowed to start earning an allowance for completing chores? How should parents decide how much kids should earn?

In my opinion, kids should start earning an allowance as soon as they’re old enough to help out with household chores. However, I do not believe in rewarding children for things they should do on their own, such as keeping their bedroom clean.

If the child actively participates in chores such as cleaning bathrooms, mopping the kitchen floor, and vacuuming, they should be compensated. How much to pay the child should be based on the parents’ current level of expendable income, as well as the amount of work completed.

What types of rules should parents create to help a child manage his money?

Parents should create some rules to help a child manage his or her money, but the child should also be given a certain amount of independence. Making mistakes and learning from them is a great way to become more educated on the topic of prudent money management.

Children should be highly encouraged to save a portion of their money, and starting a bank account is a great way to achieve that goal. They should also be encouraged to donate a portion so that they learn to give back. One absolute rule that should be established once they’re old enough is that credit card debt of any sort will not be tolerated.

If a teenager has a part-time job, should parents still set rules about saving and spending?

The same rules should remain in place, although the parent might want to consider allowing them a little more leeway. After all, it is their money. But the rule regarding no credit card debt should absolutely remain in place.

When kids receive money as a gift, should parents set limits with their spending or should kids be given the freedom to spend it however they want?

Freedom and independence are important to help kids learn more about money and how it works. Parents should explain to the child that the money is a gift and they can spend it how they want, but they should also reinforce the idea of saving at least a portion of it.