Tag: Parenting

Posted in Discipline in kids, Financial freedom, Parenting, teaching teens

How to Help Your Teen be Successful at His First Job

Posted on by Tim Connolly

Landing a job is a huge step in any teenager’s life. It’s not enough to get the job, however—your teen also has to be able to keep his job.

And while you don’t want to micromanage your teen’s job (don’t call his boss and don’t attend the interview with him), you can take steps to help your teen perform well.

Helping your teen be successful at his first job can have many benefits. The skills he learns can prepare him for a future career path and the money he earns can teach him about money.

Work can also be good for a teen’s self-esteem. The added responsibility of holding a job can build your teen’s confidence, which is good for his mental health—as long as he doesn’t get too stressed out.

Whether your teen is searching for a summer job or she’s on the hunt for after school employment, these strategies can increase the chances that her first job will be a success.

Pay Attention to Appearance on Application and Interview Days

Encourage your teen to dress appropriately when he’s picking up applications. The hiring manager may be in the establishment and first impressions matter.

Talk about the importance of dressing up on the day of the interview as well. Even if the interview is at a fast-food chain or a place that provides a uniform for the job, appearance matters.

Clearly, your teen doesn’t need to wear a business suit to an entry-level job interview. But a neatly dressed, well-groomed teen makes a better impression than one walking in wearing pajama bottoms, a dirty T-shirt and flip-flops.

In some cases, body jewelry can be an appearance (or safety) issue at work, too. Many workplaces do not allow nose rings, ear spools, tongue jewelry or anything beyond conservative body piercings (think: pierced ears).

If your teen has piercings that may seem unconventional to some adults, tell him to remove the body jewelry before applying for the job—this way, he won’t be turned down because of a piercing when he may otherwise have been a perfect candidate for the job.

Dress for Success Every Work Day

If the new job provides a uniform, dressing for success means ensuring the uniform is clean and wrinkle-free.

If there isn’t a uniform, talk to your teen about appropriate attire. If an employee handbook came along with the new job, the dress code should be spelled out in the book.

If the job has no specific dress code, apparel still matters. Encourage your teen to wear well-fitting, clean clothes. Make sure her shoes are appropriate for the job too. No flip-flops, ridiculously high heels or sloppy boots.

Behave With Professionalism

An entry-level position means your teen may have to deal with lots of supervisors and, perhaps, difficult co-workers as well. Talk to your teen about how to deal with difficult people up front before it becomes an issue.

For instance, a coworker that has a nasty attitude should be dealt with respectfully, even if that coworker dishes out anything but respect. Harsh comments can be ignored, or if things get too far out of line, reported to a higher-up.

Likewise, other employees that are lazy or that use most of their work time to do anything but work should not be emulated. Encourage your teen to do the tasks he was hired to do, regardless of whether others follow suit. Work time is not Snapchat or texting time.

Talk to your teen about cellphone etiquette. Tell your teen to shut off her cellphone during an interview and make sure she knows it isn’t appropriate to send text messages or be distracted by her phone while she’s on the job.

Also, make it clear that it’s not OK to complain about her job on social media. Tell her to keep her work-related business out of her social media posts, without exception.

Handle Cranky Customers Professionally

In a customer service job such as a fast-food restaurant, there’s a saying your teen should know: the customer is always right. This doesn’t mean that the customer’s view is always correct or completely realistic, but that the customer should be heard and treated respectfully no matter how outlandish (or incorrect) their viewpoint seems.

In many cases, they just want to be heard or may want the business to right what they viewed as a wrong, such as an incorrect order or cold food. Much of the time this can be handled easily and quickly, but if an irate customer proves too difficult to rationalize with, your teen can ask a manager to help.

Maintain a Good Attitude

Sometimes, a first job can be a bit of a drag. Even so, a good attitude helps the day go by faster, plus it puts your teen on the fast track for potential promotions or higher pay. This doesn’t mean he should patronize the boss and other higher ups, or overdo it on the smiles and perkiness to the point his attitude comes off as fake.

Showing up on time every day, being reliable and filling in for others when needed, also shows the boss that your teen has what it takes to succeed.

In a nutshell, meeting work expectations and keeping a positive attitude go a long way in the workplace, whether it’s his first job or his fifth. A great attitude also helps diffuse potentially difficult situations and makes the workplace more enjoyable for everyone present. 

Establish a Budget

By the time your teen figures out how much he’ll make each week at his new job, he’s probably already figured out what to spend it on, too. Discuss finances in advance and also focus on Teaching Teens About Money.

Most teens are surprised to discover how much of their checks go to taxes. So warn your teen in advance that a percentage of the money earned goes straight to the government.

Help your teen set financial goals, such as buying a car, purchasing new clothes, or saving for college. Work out a plan together to determine what percentage should be saved from each paycheck and how much can be used for “fun” money.

Teaching your teen about money now can help him learn valuable life lessons that will serve him well in the future. Saving, smart spending and perhaps even investing can help him become wiser with finances.

Address Safety Issues

There may be times when you need to become more involved in your teen’s work. Talk to your teen about potential safety issues and how he can respond.

For example, if your teen is being asked to perform dangerous tasks without proper training, he may not know he needs to speak up.

Or, if he’s being bullied by a supervisor or harassed by a co-worker, he might not know where to turn for help. In those cases, you may need to provide your teen with guidance and coaching about the steps he can take.

Posted in Financial freedom, Kids, Parenting

7 Life Skills Your Teen Needs to Be Independent

Posted on by Tim Connolly

Just because your teen turns 18 doesn’t mean he’s ready to move out of the house and live on his own. Unless you’ve taught him the life skills necessary to live in the real world, there’s a good chance he’ll struggle to be independent.

In fact, many teens are becoming ‘boomerang kids’ because they lack life skills. They struggle to get by without the financial, physical, and emotional support of their parents.

Here are the basic life skills teens need to gain independence from their parents: 

1. Work Skills

Don’t assume that just because your teen made it through school he’ll be able to hold down a job. The rules of the workforce are quite different from the confines of a high school. Teens need to know how to complete a job application, attend an interview, and follow a supervisor’s instructions. 

A part-time job during high school or a summer job can prepare your teen for a future career. Additionally, assigning chores and regular household responsibilities can prepare your teen for the working world.

2. Transportation Skills 

Just because your teen has a driver’s license doesn’t mean she necessarily has transportation skills. Teens need to know how to get from point A to point B. That may mean knowing how to navigate through rush hour or understanding how to use a GPS.

Of course, not all teens know how to drive nor have a driver’s license. In those cases, it’s important for your teen to know how to use public transportation. 

And if there’s a chance your teen may need to travel for work, or she plans to leave the state to go to college, knowing how to navigate an unfamiliar city is important. 

3. Goal Setting Skills

Whether your teen wants to lose weight or he’s interested in working his way up the corporate ladder, goal setting skills are essential.

Teach your teen how to establish a goal. Then, talk about how to take action toward reaching those goals. A teen who knows how to track his progress is much more likely to stay motivated. 

Work on goal setting skills often. Help your teen identify one thing he wants to achieve and then assist him in making it happen. With each new goal he attains, he’ll gain confidence in his ability to reach even loftier goals in the future.

4. Emotion Regulation Skills

All the academic skills or athletic talent in the world will only get your child so far in life. It’s important for teens to know how to regulate their emotions too.

After all, if your teen can’t control his temper, he won’t handle setbacks well. Or, if he can’t cope with anxiety, he may never step outside his comfort zone.

Teach your teen how to deal with uncomfortable emotions in a healthy way. Over time, he’ll gain confidence in his ability to do hard things. 

5. The Ability to Deal With Emergencies

When your team has to deal with an emergency, there will be no time for them to think. Therefore, it is imperative parents take the time to teach their teens how to deal with emergencies while they are at home. 

A grease fire, a serious injury, or natural disasters are just a few of the emergencies your teen is likely to encounter at one point or another.

Make sure your teen knows what to do when the power is out or the cell phone towers are down too. Kids who have grown up with technology often forget that in times of true emergency, electronics aren’t always available.

6. Basic Household Management

While you may be tempted to let your teen off the hook when it comes to chores, it’s essential that your teen knows how to manage a household. Whether he lives in a dorm room or he rents an apartment, he’ll need to know some basic skills.

Teach your teen basic meal preparation skills. Make sure he knows how to perform simple repairs–as well as when to call in professional help. Additionally, don’t send him on his way until he knows how to do his laundry and sanitize a bathroom.

7. Financial Skills

One of the most important skills you’ll ever teach your teen is how to handle money. Unfortunately, many teens leave the house with no idea how to create a budget or how to balance a checkbook. And many of them get themselves thousands of dollars into debt in no time.

Spend time teaching teens about money management skills. Make sure they knows about the dangers of credit card debt and the importance of investing. Teaching those skills early on could make a big difference in your child’s quality of life.

Posted in Discipline in kids, Financial freedom, Kids, Parenting

Using Praise to Encourage Good Behaviors

Posted on by Tim Connolly

Praise is a simple but effective discipline strategy that increases good behavior. Pointing out when your child is following the rules or telling them that you appreciate their compliance will motivate them to keep up the good work.

Positive vs. Negative Attention

Imagine standing in a room with three children. Two of the children are playing quietly with toys. One child is running around wildly, jumping on furniture and screeching. Which child would be most likely to get your attention? If you’re like most parents, you might give the misbehaving child more attention.

If, however, you praised the children who were behaving, you could change the entire situation. Saying, “Wow, I love the way you are sitting there playing quietly,” may motivate the misbehaving child to follow suit.

But it’s easy to let good behaviors often go unnoticed. But when kids aren’t getting attention, they’ll often do whatever it takes to get noticed—and sometimes, that means misbehaving. When you give your child positive attention for good behavior, they’ll be less likely to act out.

Benefits of Praise

Praise can encourage a variety of good behaviors. Catch your child being good and point it out. Positive reinforcement will encourage it to continue.

Here are a few specific behaviors that can be especially responsive to praise:

  • Prosocial behavior – Praise your child for sharing, taking turns, using kind words, and getting along well with others.
  • Compliance – Praise your child for following the rules and listening to your instructions. Remember to pay attention when your child is playing quietly or entertaining themself.
  • Effort – When your child is learning a new skill, praise can encourage them to keep trying. For example, if you praise your child for their willingness to try hard or their ability to be patient as they learn, you’ll increase their motivation to keep trying.

Make Praise Effective

Praise and positive attention are healthy when given appropriately. Here are some ways to make your praise particularly effective in encouraging good behavior:

  • Offer immediate and frequent feedback. Offer frequent praise if your child is playing quietly for an extended period of time or if they’re working hard on a project for a whole afternoon.
  • Make praise specific. Instead of saying “Good job,” say, “Great job putting your plate in the sink right when I asked you to.” This makes it clear that you are praising their immediate compliance.
  • Frame your praise positively. Instead of saying, “Nice job not whining,” say, “I’m proud of you for staying calm when I said that you couldn’t go outside.” Point out the behaviors you want to see more of, not the behaviors you hope to diminish. Never mix praise with criticism, or it will lose effectiveness.
  • Praise effort, not the outcome. Praise can build healthy self-esteem when you use it to point out your child’s effort. Rather than praise your child for getting a 100, praise his willingness to study for the test.
  • Offer genuine praise. Rather than say, “You’re the smartest kid ever,” or, “You’re the best soccer player in the whole school,” offer realistic praise. Say things like, “You’re a good runner,” or “You do a great job of getting your homework done.”
  • Avoid labels. Labels, even when they’re positive, aren’t a good idea. Referring to your child as “your little genius,” or “a soccer star,” may cause your child to think that’s all their known for. Focus your praise on their behavior, not their traits.

Create a Discipline Plan

You can prevent a lot of misbehavior by catching your child being good. But, when your child breaks the rules, it’s important to provide negative consequences that will deter them from misbehaving in the future.

When your child is struggling with a specific behavioral issue, create a clear plan for how you can use praise to encourage good behavior. For example, if he hits his brother when he’s angry, invest your energy into praising him for using kind words, gentle touches, and problem-solving skills.

Also while creating a well designed discipline plan make sure to include one of the important thing in the list, that will surely gonna help the child in later future and that is money management. Teaching kids about money management is really important because it will prepare them to be independent sooner or later for good, and also help them to tackle the world and its rules.

Posted in Discipline in kids, Financial freedom, Kids, Parenting

Disciplining Your Children When They Steal

Posted on by Tim Connolly

Whether your 5-year-old purposely tries to bring home a toy from daycare or your 14-year-old steals nail polish from the store, discovering that your child stole something can be horrifying.

But an isolated incident doesn’t mean your child is destined for a life of crime. A healthy response from you can prevent stealing from becoming a habit.

If your child steals something, intervene right away. Use discipline strategies that teach your child stealing is wrong and deter him from taking things that don’t belong to him ever again. One of the most amazing discipline strategy is money management. If you are wondering how to teach kids about money, don’t worry we are here to help you in your difficult times. When the kids came to know the importance of money management it will eventually help them to overcome the problem of stealing.

Why Kids Steal

It’s common for preschoolers to take other people’s belongings. At this age, they lack a clear understanding of how stealing affects others and how it can be harmful.

They also might take something from a store simply because they don’t understand economics. The concept of buying something just doesn’t compute.

It’s a great time to begin teaching your child about empathy and why stealing is wrong so he can learn to respect other people’s property. Hold regular conversations about the importance of leaving other people’s belongings alone.

Elementary and middle-school-age children often struggle with impulse control. They may quickly put an object they want into their pockets without considering the consequences. Teach your child impulse control to prevent stealing.

Junior high and high school students may steal because it’s “cool.” They can be peer pressured into taking goods from the store or stealing money from an unattended bag in the locker room.

At other times, teens steal because they want to have nice items that they can’t otherwise afford. Finally, some teens steal as a way to rebel against authority. At this age, they’re likely to face legal issues if stealing isn’t addressed effectively.

Underlying behavior disorders or mental health problems can also contribute to behavior problems like stealing.1 A child who struggles to deal with his parents’ divorce may begin acting out. Or a child who is struggling with depression may use stealing as a way to cope.

Discipline Strategies to Address Stealing

Whether your child has brought home suspicious items from school that he claims were a gift, or you’ve caught him taking something from a store, the way you address the problem will influence the likelihood that he’ll steal again.

Use these discipline strategies to put a stop to stealing:

  1. Emphasize honesty: Frequent conversations about honesty can go a long way to prevent lying and stealing. Always provide your child with a less serious consequence when he tells the truth and provides plenty of praise whenever you catch him being honest about misdeeds.
  2. Teach your child to respect property: Help a young child understand ownership by making him responsible for his belongings. For example, talk about the importance of treating his toys gently. Create rules about respect that ensure everyone asks before borrowing items. Discuss the importance of taking good care of borrowed items and returning them to their owner.
  3. Return stolen goods: When you catch your child with stolen items, it’s important that your child return the stolen goods and apologize to the victim. Assist your child in writing an apology letter or accompany your child to return the stolen items.
  4. Provide consequences for stealing: A child who constantly takes his brother’s favorite toys without permission may benefit from loaning his toys to his brother. Taking away privileges can also be a logical consequence. An older child may have to do extra chores to earn the money he needs to pay someone back for stolen goods.
  5. Problem-solve future strategies: Work together to problem-solve strategies that will reduce the likelihood of further stealing incidents. You may need to remove temptations for a while. For example, don’t allow your 13-year-old to be unsupervised with friends at stores. Or you may need to work on teaching your child better self-control skills before he’s ready to have another play date.

When to Seek Professional Help

Stealing could have many legal, social, and emotional consequences for your child, who could also face expulsion from daycare. So if your discipline strategies aren’t working to curb his stealing, it’s important to take things a step further.

If stealing has become an ongoing problem for your child, seek professional help. A professional counselor can identify underlying causes for stealing.

Sometimes, mental health issues, behavioral problems, or conduct disorders are at the root of the problem. A mental health professional can assist you and your child with strategies that will put a stop to stealing.

Posted in Discipline in kids, Financial freedom, News & Updates, Parenting

Create a Discipline Toolbox Filled With Useful Parenting Strategies

Posted on by Tim Connolly

There’s a lot of advice out there about the “best way” to discipline kids. But, in reality, consequences and discipline strategies that work for one child may not work for another. 

And no single discipline strategy is effective for every rule violation. So while time-out may curb your child’s aggression, taking away privileges may work best when he doesn’t do his chores.

That’s why it’s important for parents to have a customized discipline toolbox, filled with a variety of discipline strategies that can be applied to misbehavior.

Just like with any toolbox, there will be some tools you use more than others. And there may be some tools that you occasionally forget about. But just knowing the tools are available gives you the confidence to deal with behavior problems of all sizes. 

Why You Need Many Different Tools

It’s good to have several choices when you’re deciding how to best teach your child about appropriate behavior. If your child misbehaves at school, should you take away his electronics or assign extra chores? 

What if the consequence you pick doesn’t seem work? Having another tool to reach for can be the key to ensuring your child receives healthy discipline. 

Of course, you don’t want to just randomly pick tools from your toolbox and apply them haphazardly. Instead, it’s important to get a sense of which tools work best with your child.

For example, does your child need to learn life skills, like problem-solving skills? Or does he need to learn how to verbalize his feelings? Address any skill deficits that could help your child make better choices in the future.

Specific Discipline Tools

Your discipline toolbox should contain tools that prevent behavior problems before they start, consequences that teach life lessons, and strategies for teaching new skills. 

Tools That Prevent Behavior Problems

These discipline strategies require some extra time and effort but they’re an investment that can prevent many behavior problems:

  • Positive Attention: Daily doses of one-on-one time prevents attention-seeking behavior. Time-out is much more effective when your child is getting plenty of time-in.
  • Praise: Catch your child being good and you’ll encourage your child to keep up the good work. 
  • Pre-Teaching: Explain the rules and your expectations before your child goes to a new place or tackles a new project. And one of that pre-teaching includes teaching kids about money, it will help them on a long run to tackle new things in life ahead.

Consequences That Teach Life Lessons

When your child breaks the rules, use negative consequences like these to teach her to make better choices in the future: 

  • Ignoring: Actively ignore attention-seeking behavior and eventually, your child’s misbehavior will stop.
  • Time-Out: Remove your child from the situation so she can take a few minutes to calm down. 
  • Loss of Privilege: Take away a privilege, like TV, for a specific period of time.
  • Logical Consequences: Help your child take responsibility for her behavior. If she breaks something, make her pay to replace it.
  • Natural Consequences: Let your child face the natural consequences of her choices.
  • Restitution: When your child’s behavior hurts someone else, restitution can help make amends.

Tools That Teach Specific Skills

If your child is struggling with a specific behavior problem, like aggression or forgetting to do his chores, use a reward system that teaches specific skills: 

  • Behavior Chart: From chore charts to reward systems, there are many different kinds of behavior charts that can give your child goals and incentives.  
  • Token Economy System: Token economy systems motivate older children or those who have several goals to work on at a time. Tokens can be exchanged for bigger rewards. 

What to Do When a Tool Isn’t Working

If the discipline tool you’re using doesn’t seem effective, examine your technique. Are there things you could do differently that may make the tool more effective? For example, are you consistent when applying the tool? Are you clear about the rules and consequences? Have you given it enough time to work?

If it appears as though a specific consequence just isn’t effective, switch to a different tool. For example, if ignoring swear words hasn’t curbed your child’s potty mouth, try rewarding him for using nice language or place him in time-out for using inappropriate words.

If you’re really struggling to find a discipline tool that works well, seek professional help. Talk to your child’s pediatrician or consult a mental health professional. A professional can help you rule out underlying behavior disorders and can help you discover the most effective discipline strategies.

Posted in Financial freedom, Kids, Parenting

Ways to Help Kids Who Feel Sad About Missed Activities

Posted on by Tim Connolly

For the majority of kids in America, the coronavirus pandemic has brought their school years to an abrupt halt. Initially, the disruption may have seemed like it would be a fairly temporary situation. But now that a few weeks as passed, it has become clear that school is going to be out for a while—and in many cases, probably through the end of the school year.

This sudden change is likely overwhelming to everyone. Having the kids home during the weekdays can turn everything upside down. You’ve probably been scrambling to figure out how to play the role of a work-at-home parent and a homeschool teacher all at once.

Your kids may be feeling a bit confused and saddened by the situation as well. At first, a few days off from school may have felt fun. But after a week or two, they may be struggling to understand why they can’t go back and why all of their activities have been canceled.

It is important to support them as they adjust to the changes—especially since a lot of uncertainty remains about when their activities will resume again.

Talk About How Things Are Different Now

Sometimes parents think, “Well if she’s not talking about that field trip that got canceled, maybe she doesn’t remember,” or “He must not miss baseball that much. He hasn’t mentioned it lately.” But just because kids are not talking about something doesn’t mean that they aren’t affected by it.

Don’t be afraid to be the first one to bring it up. You aren’t saying something they don’t already know. And you won’t upset them just by raising the issue.

Create Space for a Dialogue

Ask open-ended questions like, “What is it like for you right now without school or any activities?” or “How are you doing without being able to play ball this spring?”

Talk about how things are different for everyone. Name the changes you see. “We all sleep in a little later and have breakfast together.” Or “Now you eat lunch with your brother instead of your friends.”

You might also help them talk about which things were better when they were in school and which things were worse. Your child might say something like it was better when they got to see their friends but worse that they had to eat school lunch.

Similarly, talk about what’s better and worse about staying home. They might say it’s better that they get to watch more TV but worse that they don’t have recess on the school playground.

Simply acknowledging how life is different—and that some aspects might be better while others are worse—can be reassuring for kids. It can also help them make a little more sense out of a really confusing situation.

Emphasize the Reasons for Staying Safe at Home

Kids don’t need to be watching news stories about death tolls and community spread. But they will definitely benefit from a discussion about the reasons why staying at home is a safer choice for everyone.

Discuss how staying at home prevents people from sharing germs. And this means fewer people will get sick. Talk about how everyone in the entire world is staying home right now. It’ll help them feel a little less alone.

Explain how it is good to keep everyone in your family healthier, and it is also a kind thing to do for people in your community.

So even though it’s sad they’re missing out on some of their favorite activities, staying home is the safest and kindest thing that they can do for everyone.How to Help Kids Who Are Scared That You Will Die From Coronavirus.

Use Empowering Language

Avoid using phrases like “stuck at home” or “can’t get out.” This type of language implies that you are all victims who are trapped in an unbearable situation.

It can cause kids to feel even worse about their circumstances.

Instead, use empowering language. Talk about being “safer at home” and “choosing to stay in.” This way kids know that you are making good choices because you want to, not because you are obligated to.

If you are feeling frustrated and anxious by the current situation, avoid talking too much about this in front of your kids. Your feelings will rub off on them.

Rather than dwell on how awful things are right now, focus on how good things will be down the road. Tell them that you are looking forward to going and visiting Grandma and Grandpa when it’s safe for them. Or mention that you can’t wait to go to the playground again once social distancing comes to an end.

Help Them Label Their Feelings

Your kids might need a little help figuring out how they feel. One way you can do this is to assist them in putting a name to their emotions. Keep in mind that they might be feeling a lot of different things all at once.

Here are several ways you can help your kids identify their feelings:

  • Print out a list of faces. If you have younger children who don’t read well yet, a list of faces that clearly depicts emotions like “frustrated,” “angry,” “sad,” “happy,” and “scared” can be helpful. You might even ask your child to draw those faces on a piece of paper and point to the ones they are feeling right now.
  • Print out feeling words. Older kids might benefit from a list of printed feeling words. More complicated words like “disappointed” and “embarrassed” can be helpful.
  • Use a feeling thermometer. Some kids just don’t like to put a name to their emotions. They do better with identifying a number on a scale from 1 to 10. They might say, “I’m feeling about a 4 today,” when they are struggling. When they are having a good day, they might feel more like an 8. Ask them to draw a mood thermometer. And then check in with them regularly about which number they are.

You can do this by simply asking, “How are you feeling today?” On important days, you might even say something like, “I know you were supposed to have your concert today. How are you feeling about that?”

Showing interest in their feelings may help them talk more about how they are doing. And sometimes just naming an emotion can be a powerful way to reduce its intensity.

Practice Healthy Coping Skills

Clearly, at this point, there may still be more questions than answers. So their uncertainty and anxiety are understandable. Teaching them healthy ways to cope with it now, however, can help them turn to these skills in the future when they are faced with other tough circumstances.

As kids work through their complicated feelings, they will need healthy skills to deal with them. So work with your child on identifying strategies that help them feel better when they are dealing with boredom, loneliness, frustration, sadness, or any other feelings that might come up.

Calm Down Kit

You might create a “calm down kit” as a way to help your child relax when they are feeling angry or anxious. This could be a simple shoebox filled with items that they find soothing—a coloring book, playdoh, or a piece of their favorite candy.

When they are upset, you can simply say, “Go do something in your ‘calm down kit.’” This can remind them to take responsibility for their own emotions, and you won’t always have to be the one to calm them down.

Mood Boosters

Similarly, you might create a list of “mood boosters” for when they are sad. These might be fun little activities that could cheer them up when they’re feeling down.

It might be a notebook or piece of paper that lists ideas like, “Call Grandma, and tell her your three favorite jokes,” or “Sing your favorite song while dancing around the room.” When your child is feeling down, you might suggest they try a mood booster or two.

You might also ask your child to draw a picture that shows how they feel right now, or of an activity they might be excited to do once things are back to normal. They may find drawing a picture gives them an expressive outlet that helps them feel better.

Older kids may enjoy journaling about their experiences. Kids who don’t like to talk about their feelings may be willing to write them down knowing that you’ll read it and respond in writing. It’s also ok if they’d rather keep their writing a secret, just knowing they got some stuff off their chest is beneficial.

Some kids may even appreciate writing in a journal together. They might enjoy having a shared journal with a friend who is going through the same thing. Writing about how much they both miss dance class or how sad they are that they can’t be on the team together may help them stay connected.

The goal is to help figure out what works for your child and then encourage your child to practice those skills. Provide plenty of guidance and reassurance as they are working through some tough emotions.Keeping Kids Busy During Coronavirus Closures.

Identify Ways to Stay Connected

Help your child find ways to maintain a connection with the activities they are not able to do anymore. Can they still practice their favorite sport or activity on their own? Can they keep learning about their activities through books?

If they were on a team, can they still speak to the coach on video chat once in a while? Or could they send a handwritten note to an instructor that says they miss being there?

Connecting with the activity—as well as the people in it—can help them feel better. It may serve as a reminder that it is not just them who is missing out. Meanwhile staying connected to the kids, you can also focus on how to teach kids about money as this is the longest time we ever got in our lifetimes where you can truly be the teacher of your child and teach them the amazing things that is going to benefit them in future.

Help Them See That Everyone Is Staying Home

Help your kids see that we are all in this together. And by staying home, they are being part of an even bigger team.

Look for images and videos of children from around the world who are staying home right now. Or help them video chat with their friends from school, so they can see that their friends are doing the same things they are.

This can help them feel a little bit less lonely. And it can show them that it is not just their world that is weird right now. The whole world is somewhat upside down at the moment.

Offer Realistic Reassurance

When your child asks questions like, “Will I be able to play softball this summer?” you might be tempted to say, “Yes. Of course!” as a way to reassure them. But it is important that you do not make any extra promises that you can’t necessarily keep.

It’s OK to say, “I sure hope so,” when your child asks a question. But don’t attempt to give a timeline until you really have one.

Instead, offer reassurance that everyone is working hard to make things safe so that you can get back to community activities as soon as possible.

Focus on community members doing their part—like paramedics, physicians, nurses, and government officials. Talk about how people are supporting one another right now and working hard to solve the problem, even while they are practicing social distancing.

Let your kids know that although it is uncomfortable and disappointing for everyone to miss out on so many community activities, all of you can handle it. And they are strong, capable kids who can deal with the situation too.

Posted in Discipline in kids, Kids, Parenting

15 Coping Strategies for Kids

Posted on by Tim Connolly

Why Kids Need Coping Skills

Without healthy coping skills, kids are likely to act out—essentially sending a message that says, “I feel out of control so I’m going to act out of control.” Kids who don’t know how to deal with their feelings also are more likely to turn to unhealthy coping strategies, like alcohol or food, as they grow older.

Adolescents who lack healthy coping skills may also turn to avoidance coping.

For example, instead of working on math homework they don’t understand, teens who use avoidance coping may go play basketball with their friends to avoid doing homework altogether.

Then, failing the assignment is likely to compound their academic problems. These teens are likely to fall further behind in school because they didn’t take steps to learn how to cope with the anxiety and frustration they experience when they try to do the work.

One study published in the journal Addictive Behaviors found that adolescents who use avoidance coping are more likely to use marijuana. And those who lack problem-solving skills have higher lifetime marijuana use. This is just one example of how a lack of coping skills might lead to a dependence on something else.

On the flip side, kids who learn healthy coping skills at an early age may enjoy some big advantages in life. A study published in the American Journal of Public Health discovered a significant association between social-emotional skills in kindergarten and well-being in adulthood.2

Researchers found that children who were able to regulate their emotions at five years old were more likely to go to college and have steady jobs as adults. These kids also were less likely to abuse substances, be engaged in criminal activity, and have mental health issues.

Types of Coping Strategies

There are two types of coping strategies. These include emotion-focused coping skills and problem-focused coping skills. Both types of skills are important for kids to learn and implement in their lives.Emotion-Focused Coping Skills

  • Help kids deal with feelings so they are less stressed
  • Teach kids how to tolerate stress and gain perseverance
  • Necessary for situations that cannot be changed

Problem-Focused Coping Skills

  • Involve taking action to change a situation
  • Empower kids to take control of a difficult situation
  • Necessary for situations where things can be changed

Emotion-focused coping skills help kids deal with their feelings so they feel less stressed.3 These skills are necessary for situations when kids can’t change the situation—like dealing with the loss of a pet or not making the basketball team. These skills also can help kids learn how to tolerate stress better so they can persevere.

Meanwhile, problem-focused coping skills involve taking action to change the situation. These skills might involve ending an unhealthy friendship or telling a teacher about a bully. These skills can be helpful when a child has some control over the situation. It’s important to ensure that your child has both types of coping skills.

Emotion-Focused Coping Skills

Emotion-focused skills involve doing things that help your child feel better. They also involve doing something that offers a temporary distraction so they can return to the issue when they’re feeling more level-headed. The following are some healthy emotion-focused coping skills for kids.

Label Feelings

Just being able to verbalize, “I’m mad,” or “I’m nervous,” can take the sting out of uncomfortable emotions. Give kids the words they need to describe their feelings. You can read books, look at “feeling faces” posters, or talk about emotions. Then, when they’re struggling with a tough emotion, ask them to describe how they’re feeling.

Learn Breathing Exercises

A few slow, deep breaths can help kids relax their minds and their bodies. One way to teach kids to do this is by encouraging them to take “bubble breaths.” Tell kids to breathe in deeply through their nose and then breathe out slowly through their mouth like they’re trying to blow a bubble with a wand.

An alternative strategy is to teach your kills to “smell the pizza.” Tell them to breathe in through their nose like they’re smelling a piece of pizza. Then, tell them to blow on the pizza to cool it down. Encourage kids to do this several times to help them feel better.

Participate in Exercise

Exercise can be a great way for kids to get out their excess energy when they’re nervous and to boost their mood when they’re down. Strength building exercises like lifting weights and aerobic exercise like running or biking can be excellent ways to help kids regulate their emotions.

Encourage your kids to turn to physical activities when they are struggling with difficult emotions or situations. Eventually, going for a walk or a run will become a common—and healthy—way for them to cope with the challenges they face.

Create Artwork

Whether your child enjoys painting with water colors, coloring in a coloring book, doodling, sculpting with clay, or creating a collage, creating art can be an excellent coping strategy.

Make sure you have plenty of art supplies on hand if this strategy works for your child. Eventually, your child will just pull out the supplies as a way of coping with difficult emotions.

Read a Book

Reading books can serve as a great temporary distraction, especially for kids that love to escape into books. Often, when kids are done reading they feel better equipped to tackle a problem because they’re feeling calm and rejuvenated.

Books are a great way to distract the mind with something enjoyable and entertaining.

So, keep a supply of books on hand that your kids can go to when they need a temporary distraction.

Play a Game

When kids can’t stop thinking about something bad that happened at school or something they’re dreading in the future, do something to get their mind off their concerns.

Whether you play a board game or kick around a ball outside, doing something active can help change the channel in their brains. Then, they’ll be able to think about other things, rather than dwell on all the things that make them feel bad.

Do Yoga

Yoga provides many benefits to the mind and the body. A study published in Body Image found that four weeks of yoga led to better moods and improved body image in children.4

Whether you decide to enroll your child in a yoga class or you do yoga videos together as a family in your living room, teaching your child about yoga could be a lifelong skill. And when your kids need a boost in mood or need help relaxing, you can remind them to practice some of their yoga poses.

Play Music

Whether your children like to make their own music or they enjoy listening to calming songs, music can affect their brain and their body. In fact, music is often incorporated into treatment programs for physical health, mental health, and even substance abuse problems.

Not only has music been shown to speed healing, calm anxiety, and reduce depression, it also is a great way to encourage creativity.

Watch a Funny Video

Laughing is a good way to take a mental break from problems. Watching a funny animal video, a hilarious cartoon, or something you captured on video could be a great way to help kids feel better. Even better, have your children create their own funny videos. Or, have them try recording some “Dad jokes” and playing them later for the family to enjoy.

Learn Positive Self-Talk

When children are upset, their self-talk is likely to become negative. They may think things like, “I’m going to embarrass myself,” or “None of the other kids are going to talk to me.”

Teach your kids how to speak to themselves kindly by asking, “What would you say to a friend who had this problem?” They’re likely to have some kind, supportive words. Encourage your kids to use those same kind words when thinking about themself.

Utilize a Mood Booster

Work with your kids on making a list of all the things they like to do when they’re happy—such as dancing, singing, kicking a ball, or telling jokes. Those are their mood boosters.

Then, when they’re feeling down, encourage them to do something on their mood booster list. Even if they don’t feel like doing it at first, doing something fun can help them feel better.

Create a Calm Down Kit

Fill a shoe box with items that engage your child’s senses, like a stress ball to squeeze, lotion that smells good, and a picture that makes them happy. Ask your child for input on things that can be included. Then, when they’re anxious, angry, or overwhelmed, encourage them to get their calm down kit.

Having a kit like this allows kids to take responsibility for calming their bodies and their brains with the tools they selected.

Problem-Focused Coping Skills

Sometimes, there are situations where your child’s discomfort is a sign that something needs to change in the environment. For example, if they’re completely overwhelmed by being placed in an advanced class, the best solution might be to return to the regular class. Or, if they are being bullied while riding the bus, the situation might need to be addressed with the bus driver or principal.

Sometimes it’s helpful to ask kids, “Do you think you need to change the situation or change how you feel about the situation?” With your help, they can become skilled at recognizing their options. Problem-focused coping skills are strategies that help reduce the source of stress. Here are a few examples of problem-focused coping skills.

Ask for Help

When your child is struggling with something, ask, “Who could help you with this?” Help kids recognize that there are likely multiple people who could assist them. For instance, a homework issue might be resolved by calling a friend. Or, it might be helpful to talk to the teacher the following day. See if your child can name at least a few people who could help.

Kids who know that it’s okay to ask for help will feel empowered. They’ll know that they don’t need to know everything on their own and that it’s okay to ask for support.

Always encourage your kids to ask for help when they are struggling. It’s a life skill that they will use the rest of their lives.

Engage in Problem-Solving

There are many ways to solve a problem. Sometimes, though, kids feel stuck and don’t recognize the action they could take. When your child is struggling with a problem—whether they don’t know what to wear to the dance or they keep forgetting to do their chores—sit down and problem-solve together.

Identify at least four or five possible solutions and write them down. Then, help your child pick which one they want to try. Over time, your kids will get better at solving problems on their own. Developing strong problem-solving skills will aid your kids in the years to come.

List the Pros and Cons

When kids are struggling to make a decision, like whether to play the flute or the violin, help them create a pros and cons list. Write down the positives and negatives about each option and help them review the list. Seeing things on paper may help them make a more-informed decision about what they want to do.

Encourage your kids to make a list of pros and cons every time they are faced with challenging decisions. Learning to weigh their options will serve them well—especially if they are faced with moral decisions or difficult choices in the future.

Tips for Parents

Ultimately, your children should be able to use coping skills on their own so they can deal with discomfort in a healthy way when you’re not there to guide them. But, as they are learning these skills, look for opportunities to talk about different strategies.

One of the biggest strategy that you should take care is making your child understand about money management. Teaching kids about money is really important to make them independent by the time they step out of the house.

Any time you help them, point out the strategies you’re using and talk about how they can remember to use them on them own in the future. For instance, if you take your child to the park after getting cut from a team, explain your reasoning.

Say, “I know you were feeling really upset, and I know you love the park. So, I thought it would be a good way to help you feel better. What are some other things that can help you feel better when you’re feeling bad?”

Following are some additional tips to keep in mind when teaching your child how to use coping skills.

  • Prompt your child. Say things like, “It looks like you’re feeling frustrated. What would help you calm down right now?” The goal is that your children learn what works for them when coping with issues or difficult situations so they can identify what they need to do.
  • Allow your child to feel bad. Your child doesn’t need to be happy all the time. Feeling angry, sad, or scared can be part of the healing process. However, it’s important that your child not stay stuck in a bad mood. When emotions are interfering with their ability to function well, encourage kids to use coping skills.
  • Praise your child. When you notice your child using coping skills, provide praise. Say, “I saw you taking some bubble breaths on the playground today. Nice job calming yourself down.” Letting your child know that you saw them use their skills reinforces their importance.
  • Discuss strategies. Help children learn to identify which strategies work best for them. Ask questions like, “Did coloring help you feel better?” The goal is to encourage your child to identify what works and what doesn’t when they are feeling stressed, frustrated, or overwhelmed.
  • Watch for escapism. Any coping skill can become unhealthy if it’s overused. But it’s equally important to be aware of how much time your child is spending on electronics. Screen time can become a means of escapism that helps your child avoid problems, rather than cope with them.

When your child makes a mistake—such as breaking an object out of anger or opting out of something they wanted to do because of nerves—use it as a teaching opportunity. Help your kids sharpen their skills so they feel better equipped to deal with discomfort in the future.

Posted in Discipline in kids, Financial freedom, Kids, Parenting

Helping Kids with Anxiety: Strategies to Help Anxious Children

Posted on by Tim Connolly

Childhood anxiety can worsen as children grow. How can you help your child manage anxiety on their own?

When childhood anxiety is heightened, it’s natural for parents to go into protection mode. Parents may attempt to solve problems for the child, help their child avoid triggers of anxiety, and/or try to engineer a worry-free lifestyle. While there are certain accommodations that can help anxious children in the classroom, and it’s a good idea to slow the daily pace to decrease overall stress for anxious children, parents cannot protect their kids from experiencing anxiety. What they can do is help their children learn to manage anxiety.

Set Clear Expectations

It’s important to have similar expectations for anxious children that you have for non-anxious children. However, it can also be helpful to proceed at a slower pace and make some accommodations. While your other kids likely want to attend every birthday party, your anxious child probably wants to avoid them all. In this situation, it may be helpful to attend small parties that don’t include overwhelming triggers (bounce houses, loud music, lack of structure/supervision).

Setting clear expectations and helping your child create appropriate benchmarks to meet those expectations teaches your child that she/he can work through anxious feelings and manage their anxiety.

Let Your Child Worry

No child ever stopped worrying because a parent said, “Don’t worry!”, or “Relax!”. In fact, worry serves an important function in our lives. Without some amount of worry, we wouldn’t stop to consider actual dangers that do threaten us. Give your child uninterrupted time with you each day to vent worries and brainstorm solutions together.

Avoid Avoidance

Just like telling your child not to worry won’t make those anxious thoughts disappear, avoiding triggers of anxiety won’t help your child learn to cope. If your child becomes anxious around dogs, for example, crossing the street each time you encounter a dog or staying away from all dogs will only validate that anxious thought. It sends the message that all dogs are dangerous. It’s better to desensitize your child to triggers of anxiety by taking small steps. Try looking at pictures of different breeds online and talking about what feelings they trigger. Next, watch dogs at play at a dog park from a safe distance. Finally, ask to visit with a calm, older dog of a friend or a therapy dog. By taking small steps, kids can learn to work through their fears and worries.Article continues below

Concerned your child is suffering from anxiety?

Take our 3-minute anxiety assessment to see if he or she could benefit from further diagnosis and treatment

Practice Reframing

The anxious thought cycle is overwhelming because it causes feelings of helplessness. When anxiety spikes, children get caught in a cycle of “what ifs” and “I can’ts.” Anxious kids tend to engage in a variety of cognitive distortions such as black and white thinking and overgeneralizing. Carving out regular time to work on positive reframing empowers your anxious child to take control over his anxious thoughts. It works like this:

  1. Name a worry floating around in your brain right now.
  2. What is the worry telling you?
  3. Let’s break it down and see if that worry is 100% right.
  4. How can we take that worry thought and change it to a positive thought?

For example, your child voices a fear that the kids in their class don’t like them. Why do they think this? Because a boy in class laughed when they didn’t know the answer, and now they are scared that their classmates think they are dumb. Help them break down the reality of their situation: “I answer questions in class every day. A friend always sits with me at lunch. I play with my friends at recess.” Now reframe the situation: “It hurt my feelings when the boy laughed, but I have other good friends in my class.”

Help Them Build a Coping Kit

If you want to empower your child to work through his worries, you have to help him learn a variety of coping skills. One thing that helps anxious kids is having a concrete list of strategies to use in a moment of anxiety. While some can memorize a list of strategies, others might need to write them down. Try these:

  • Deep breathing
  • Progressive muscle relaxation
  • Stress ball
  • Write it out
  • Talk back to worries and reframe thoughts
  • Get help from an adult

Get Back to Basics

Your anxious child doesn’t need to play every sport and attend every party, but he does need to slow down and focus on his basic health needs:

  • Sleep
  • Healthy meals
  • Plenty of water
  • Downtime to decompress
  • Outdoor free play
  • Daily exercise (think riding bikes, playing at the park, etc.)

Empathize Often

Anxiety can be paralyzing for young children. When kids feel completely overwhelmed by anxious thoughts, they struggle to do everyday things like attend school or go to soccer practice. Anxious children even avoid fun things like play dates and movies. It’s important to empathize with your child. This normalizes what they experience and helps them understand that they aren’t alone, and you will guide them through it.

Final tip: Take care of your own needs, too. Parenting an anxious child can be all-consuming. Between interrupted sleep and constant worries, child anxiety can take a toll on the caregivers. Make sure to prioritize your own health needs so that you have the energy you need to help your child through this difficult time. Also it is very important to teach your kid financial freedom so that he/she can take up their decisions on their own in future. If your don’t know how to teach kids about money then stay with us.

Posted in Financial freedom, Kids, Parenting

How to Strengthen Parent-Child Relationships

Posted on by Tim Connolly

Spending quality time with children and creating rituals helps. Strengthening the parent-child relationships requires work and effort. Parenting is a tough job, but by maintaining a close relationship and open communication with your children, parents can stay connected to them during all stages of life. Further, a strong parent-child connection actually makes parenting easier since children who feel more connected to their parents are more inclined to want to listen, help and follow directions. Children who feel connected also are more willing to talk to their parents about problems with friends or in school.

Here are 10 simple tips families can use to deepen bonds between parents and children.

Telling Your Children That You Love Them

Tell children you love them every day, no matter their age. Even on trying days or after disagreements, parents should make sure children know that although you did not like their behavior, you love them unconditionally. Conflict is the most important time for parents to communicate their love to their children. A simple “I love you” does loads to strengthen relationships.

Play With Your Children

The key is to really get down on the floor and play with your children. Play with dolls, balls, board games or sing songs. It does not matter what you play, just enjoy each other and commit to giving your undivided attention. Let your kids see your silly side. Older kids enjoy cards, chess, and computer games, while younger ones have fun playing any game with parents.

Establish a Special Name or Code Word

Create a special name for your child that is positive or a secret code word that you can use with each other. Use the name as a simple reinforcement of your love. The codeword can be used to extract a child from an uncomfortable situation (such as a sleepover that is not going well) without causing undue embarrassment to the child.

Develop and Maintain Bedtime Rituals

Reading bedtime books or telling stories to children creates lifelong rituals. Bedtime is a separation and creating a ritual makes kids feel safer. Bedtime may also be the only time working parents share with their kids so try and make it calm and enjoyable. Once children start reading, have them read a page, chapter or short book to you. Even most teenagers still enjoy the ritual of being told goodnight in a special way by a parent.

Teach Your Kids About Faith or Spirituality

Teach your child about your faith and beliefs. Tell her what you believe and why. Allow time for your child to ask questions and answer them honestly. Reinforce those teachings often.

Let Your Children Help You

Parents sometimes inadvertently miss out on opportunities for closeness by not allowing their child to help them with various tasks and chores. Unloading groceries after going to the store is a good example of something that children of most ages can and should assist with. Children feel powerful when they help.5 Children can also help by giving opinions. Asking a child which shoes look better with your dress lets him know you value his opinion. Of course, if you ask, be prepared to accept and live with the child’s choice.

Eat Meals as a Family

You’ve heard this before, and it really is important! Eating together sets the stage for conversation and sharing. Turn the TV off, and don’t rush through a meal. When schedules permit, really talk and enjoy one another. It can become a quality time remembered by young and old alike.

Seek Out One-On-One Opportunities

Some parents have special nights or “standing dates” with their children to create that one-on-one opportunity. Whether it is a walk around the neighborhood, a special trip to a playground or just a movie night with the two of you, it is important to celebrate each child individually. Although this is more of a challenge for parents of several children, it is achievable! 

Respect Children’s Choices

You don’t have to like your child’s mismatched shirt and shorts or love how your child has placed pictures in his room. However, it is important to respect those choices. Children reach out for independence at a young age, and parents can help to foster those decision-making skills by being supportive and even looking the other way on occasion. Also this is the best time to teaching kids about money so that they can make their own choices in future.

Make Them a Priority in Your Life

Your children need to know that you believe they are a priority in your life. Children can observe excessive stress and notice when they feel you are not paying them attention. Sometimes, part of parenthood is not worrying about the small stuff and enjoying your children. They grow up so fast, and every day is special. Take advantage of your precious time together while you have it!

Posted in Parenting

Kick Off College Savings Before a Child Is Born

Posted on by Tim Connolly

BRIAN AND ELISA Keller’s unborn child doesn’t have a name yet – but does have a college savings account.

The Washington couple opened a GradSave account, which allows family and friends to donate money online to a college fund, because many people wanted to contribute to their child’s future.

Registry services such as GradSave allow parents to transfer money accumulated on the gifting site into a 529 plan account, a tax-advantaged college investment account, of their choosing.

The Kellers aren’t the only ones getting an early start. According to GradSave spokesman Eddie Pradel, it’s common for parents to open GradSave accounts before a child is born in anticipation of events such as baby showers.

Gift accounts, which can be for anyone, don’t require a name or social security number to open. In the account the Kellers opened, their son is “Little Man Keller,” and his photo is an ultrasound image.

But 529 plans are a bit more complicated. Opening a 529 plan account requires the social security number of the beneficiary, the person entitled to use the money in the account.

Parents who want to start saving for an unborn child’s college tuition typically tackle the social security number problem in one of two ways. “Some parents open a 529 plan before the baby is born in their own name and transfer the gifts there,” says Pradel. “After the baby is born and they receive a social security number, they then change the beneficiary of the 529 plan to the child.”

Colorado-based financial planner Mitch O’Hare started a 529 plan account for his daughter before she was born. He designated himself as both the account owner and beneficiary. Once his daughter had a social security number, he changed the beneficiary to her.

The other way parents handle the social security number problem is to leave gifts received from a baby shower or other event in a GradSave account until the baby is born, says the registry’s Pradel, and open a 529 plan in the baby’s name once the child has a social security number, then transfer the gifts. The Kellers have already selected the 529 plan they will open once the baby is born and has a social security number.

O’Hare encourages his clients to start saving for college before their children are born.

“Why not just start funding a 529 plan early?” he says. An earlier start means parents have more time for compound interest to accrue.

He predicts parents of children born today will need $150,000 for four years of education at a state school.

If parents are able to earn 8 percent annual interest on their investments, they could accumulate roughly $150,000 by contributing $310 per month for 18 years. If they wait 10 years to start saving for college, the monthly contribution would be have to be $1,100 to get close to that amount.

Parents saving $100 per month from the time the baby is born could save for nearly a third of their child’s cost of attendance.

Would-be parents who want to get a jump on college savings should be careful, however, about starting a 529 plan if they have yet to conceive. For varying reasons, sometimes plans to have children don’t work out. While the money in a 529 plan can be used for other family members such as nieces and nephews or for the parents themselves, there is a 10 percent tax penalty, plus income tax on earnings, if the money is later withdrawn for a noneducational purpose, he says.

For the Kellers, having an option to fund their child’s education before birth was about continuing a family legacy.

“Both of us received savings bonds growing up from family members that paid for our education,” Brian Keller says. “There’s only so many things we need for our nursery. Having a baby shower registry that includes college savings feels like the right thing to do for our son.”

Even in the busy-ness of the holidays, you are confidently teaching teens about money principles. It’s easier than you think! And trust us—they will thank you later.