Posted in Parenting

6 Skills Kids Need for Written Expression

Writing is one of the most difficult and complex tasks for kids to learn. For kids with certain learning and attention issues, it can be even more of a challenge.

Written expression requires many skills. Knowing what these are can help you understand why your child may be struggling. Writing skills operate at three levels: word, sentence, and paragraph/whole text. By pinpointing trouble spots, you can get your child the right help to improve writing.

Here are six essential skills needed for written expression, and what might help struggling writers.

Skill #1: Reading Comprehension

One of the most basic skills for writing is reading comprehension—the ability to read and understand text. In order to write, kids first need to be able to sound out unfamiliar wordsand instantly recognize many other words. Then they need to understand the meaning of strings of words, in sentences and in paragraphs.

Having a good vocabulary will help with understanding. But new vocabulary words are mostly learned through reading.

Without these skills, it’s difficult for kids to even start writing. They will likely struggle with spelling and with creating text that’s meaningful. And they’ll have trouble revising and editing their work. Those tasks require re-reading closely to catch and fix mistakes or weak spots.

What might help: Assistive technology can help kids work around reading challenges. For instance, if they struggle with decoding words, text-to-speech can read aloud the words they’ve written. Some text-to-speech tools read aloud words as they type them, which can be very helpful when editing.

Skill #2: Transcription

Transcription is the physical act of producing words. This skill covers handwriting, keyboarding and spelling.

Kids can struggle with transcription in many ways. Some have messy or illegible handwriting, even after being taught. Others write very slowly by hand. Still others may be able to write legibly or type quickly and accurately enough, but they may not be able to spell many words without help.

Using a keyboard can often help speed up transcription. But for some kids, the very act of typing is a struggle and gets in the way of writing.

Skill #3: Sentence Construction

To write, kids have to know how to construct sentences that make sense. But some kids with learning and attention issues have a hard time understanding and using correct sentence structure.

They may not understand the placement of verbs or how verb tenses work. They may also use sentences that are too simple or incomplete. Or they may string a lot of ideas together into long run-on sentences.

Using correct punctuation can be a challenge. That includes the use of commas, apostrophes or punctuation marks that end sentences. Knowing when to use capital letters can also be difficult.

What might help: One way to help kids who struggle with this skill is by giving them very basic, practical knowledge. This includes things like the difference between a statement and a question, and the difference between a subject and a verb.

Kids will need a lot of practice using this knowledge to write sentences. They might work on splitting and combining sentences, for instance, and using sentence connectors like and or but.

Skill #4: Genre and Content Knowledge

Genre knowledge means knowing how different types of writing need to be structured and what to include to help a reader understand the message. For example, if the assignment is to write a story, kids need to know what goes into the genre of narrative writing. It must include setting (who, where, when) and plot (what and why.)

Another example of a genre is a persuasive essay. When kids write a persuasive essay, they have to know what goes into that genre. The essay should include a position statement, reasons, facts to support reasons, and a conclusion that summarizes main reasons.

Content knowledge means knowing something about the subject of her writing. If kids are asked to write a letter to a politician about pollution, they need to understand what pollution is. They’ll also need to know how it affects people, animals and the environment. And they may need to know what causes pollution.

What might help: Many kids pick up genre knowledge simply by being exposed to it in school through reading. Other kids may need more explicit instruction. They need to be taught about the differences between biography and memoir, for instance, or fiction versus nonfiction.

One way to do that is to find good examples of each genre. Then, compare and contrast them with non-examples or weak examples. Another way is to come up with a list of common elements that all the good examples share.

Some kids with learning and attention issues may have holes in their general knowledge. This can hurt their writing. One good strategy is to help kids build background knowledge of the world.

Kids can gain background knowledge through reading, or through field trips and family outings. Talk about what kids are learning before, during and after the outing. Experiences like a summer camp, where a child is exposed to many types of people and activities, can also provide background knowledge.

Skill #5: Planning, Revising and Editing

There’s a process to writing. Kids need to know how to plan, revise and edit their work in order to express themselves well in writing. Researchers have found that good writers plan what to write in their heads or through brief notes before they write a first draft. That requires strong executive skills, like working memory and attention.

To write, kids have to juggle many ideas. Then they need to decide how to organize those ideas into paragraphs and an overall structure. This requires them to pull the right knowledge from their memory, like genre and content knowledge.

Kids also need to go back through what they’ve written to fix errors and make improvements so the message is clear. That requires understanding why and how to make changes to the text to make it better.

What might help: Kids can learn specific strategies about the writing process. For instance, the “hamburger” strategy helps kids plan a paragraph. A paragraph needs a topic sentence (top bun), main idea (patty), supporting details (condiments), and a conclusion (bottom bun).

A “spider map” encourages kids to think of a topic with supporting details. A “T table” helps them brainstorm reasons for and against a certain issue. And a timeline can help kids map out a sequence of events for a story.

You can find many of these strategies in graphic organizers. These tools help kids visualize how to plan their papers. They also help kids generate content in an organized way.

Checklists can help kids focus on certain things to look for when they’re revising and editing. These include:

  • Content (the quality and accuracy of ideas)
  • Organization (how information is structured to create a good flow from beginning to end)
  • Language (the variety and precision of vocabulary and sentences)
  • Appearance (spelling, capitalization, punctuation)

Skill #6: Self-Regulation

The ability to self-regulate plays a big role in writing. When kids set goals about how many words the term paper must be, then check the word count as they write, that’s self-regulation. If they get to the end of a sentence, realize it makes no sense and decide to rewrite it, that’s self-regulation.

Frustration can lead kids to give up on writing. But when they remind themselves that they’re making progress and can do it, that’s also self-regulation. Experienced writers do this naturally.

How kids view themselves as writers can have an impact on their ability to self-regulate. Do they value writing? Do they feel competent about writing? How motivated are they to write?

Self-regulation is hard for some kids with learning and attention issues. That’s especially true of kids with ADHD or executive functioning issues. Weak self-regulation skills can affect many of the other writing skills.

What might help: Kids can be taught strategies for self-regulated writing. For instance, you can teach kids to check each sentence of a paragraph once they’ve finished the paragraph. It also helps to encourage kids to take breaks after writing a certain number of words.

Kids can also be taught to use positive self-talk to help with motivation. For example, while writing they could say to themselves, “It’s OK that this is hard because I know my effort will pay off.” The key to all these strategies is repetition and practice. You can help your children to learn different things from the children’s book series and they can learn about financial freedom and life lessons.

Posted in Parenting

The Importance of a United Front in Parenting — Especially When It Comes to Discipline

How important is it for parents to present a united front regarding discipline? The answer depends on your child’s age. Learn more from Laurence Steinberg, Ph.D., author of The Ten Basic Principles of Good Parenting.

One of the most frequent questions parents ask is whether it’s important for spouses to maintain a united front in matters of discipline.

The simplest answer is that it depends on your child’s age. The younger your child is, the more important it is for spouses to be consistent with each other. This is true regardless of whether you are married, separated, divorced, or remarried.

Young children (those six and younger) are easily confused when one parent has different rules from the other, or when one parent enforces rules and the other does not. At this age, children tend to see the world in absolute terms. Because they have a hard time resolving discrepancies between two opposing views, they can’t understand why Dad says one thing and Mom says something else. To them, there can be only one “right” way to do things. This is a problem when you and your spouse don’t present a united front, because you don’t want your child to see one of you as the right parent and the other as the wrong one. Over time, this will only undermine your child’s respect for the parent who is typically on the wrong side of things.

The need to see the world in such black-and-white terms gradually disappears between the ages of six and eleven. My advice is that if your child is not yet eleven or so, you and your spouse should do what you can to present a united front. It will make life a lot easier for your child if you work out your disagreements and keep them private.

A united front is certainly desirable when you have older children or teenagers, but it isn’t absolutely necessary. Once they have turned eleven or twelve, children understand that people can disagree about things without either of them being wrong. They will usually attribute differences in their parents’ behavior to differences in their personalities or values. Instead of seeing one parent as right and the other as wrong, for example, children at this age will come to view one parent as strict and the other as lenient. Of course, this can create a different set of problems; a clever child will soon learn to approach the lenient parent first when asking permission for something and to play one parent against the other. But, by and large, this is something you can handle if you follow the advice contained in this section.

If you and your spouse have differences of opinion over how to handle a particular disciplinary issue, the first step is to talk it through outside the earshot of your child. (This is a good idea regardless of your child’s age.)

If your disagreement surfaces in front of your child (for example, you and your spouse are watching television when your preadolescent enters the rooms, asks permission to have his ear pierced and you are shocked to hear your spouse say it’s okay), it’s fine to tell your child that you need to talk it over before making a final decision. This is less awkward when neither of you has actually voiced an opinion yet, but even if one or both of you have, there’s no harm in saying that the two of you disagree and need to discuss things. Whatever you do, though, don’t try to work out your difference of opinion while your child is standing there waiting. You have no idea whether the discussion will be short, simple, and calm, or long, complicated, and heated. It’s fine for your child to be exposed to the former, but you don’t want him to be exposed to the latter.

When you and your spouse finally have a chance to discuss the matter, try hard to find common ground and understand each other’s perspective on the issue. Step away from the specifics of the matter at hand and see whether one of you has taken a stance that is more consistent with the principles you’ve been trying to follow. This will help you see what the real issue is.

Sometimes, one of you is simply too close to the details of the issue to look at it objectively. If you can’t find a solution that is acceptable to both of you, and if the decision doesn’t have to be made immediately, set the matter aside and revisit it later or the following day. One of you may change your opinion.

There will invariably be issues on which the two of you simply cannot agree, even after a thorough discussion. In these cases, you are just going to have to “agree to disagree,” pick a solution, and go with it. Few decisions are cast in stone, and if you find you’ve made a mistake, you can always change your mind.

Agreeing to disagree is not a problem. It’s more important that you do the right thing than that you be consistent with each other just for the sake of agreement. Children fare better when at least one of their parents follows the principles of effective parenting than when their parents force themselves to agree with each other but happen to be wrong.

When you and your spouse are both technically correct, but still don’t agree, you can usually reconcile hard-to-resolve disagreements on one of several grounds:

  • Decide on the basis of which parent the issue is more important to. If you don’t care all that much, it makes no sense to stand on principle. There will be times when the situation is reversed, and you’ll appreciate being given extra consideration when you feel more strongly than your spouse does.
  • Err on the side of caution. It is a lot easier for a lenient parent to live with a cautious decision than vice versa. It is also usually the safer bet as far as your child is concerned. If you want to relax your child’s curfew but your spouse does not, you should probably follow your spouse’s instinct.
  • Decide on the basis of which one of you has more relevant expertise. If the issue concerns your child’s physical health, and one of you is a physician, that parent is probably in a better position to make a decision.
  • Decide on the basis of which parent is going to bear the brunt of the decision. If what you decide will affect your spouse’s daily routine but not yours (perhaps a decision will mean that your spouse is going to have to spend extra hours each week shuttling your child around), give your spouse more say.
  • When all else fails, decide on the basis of equity between the two of you. If virtually all of your recent decisions have favored one person’s view, it’s probably time to even things out a bit.

Once you have worked things out with your spouse, it’s important that you support each other, even if you disagree with the final decision.

Supporting each other is not the same as presenting a united front.

If your child is old enough to understand that two people can disagree and both be right, there’s no problem telling your child that the two of you disagree but have made a decision on some other basis (it is the safer option, it mattered much more to one parent than the other, it will make one parent’s life easier, and so on). This will teach your child important lessons about the need for compromise in healthy relationships. She will not learn this if you present a united front every time you disagree.

However, supporting each other means that even if you and your spouse don’t see eye to eye, you will not undermine either the decision or your spouse’s authority by helping your child work around the policy, by winking at your child when you know he’s violated it, by knowingly failing to enforce it when your spouse is not around, or by suggesting to your child, implicitly or explicitly, that you are on his side but your spouse is not.

This sort of sabotage happens frequently when separated or divorced parents are having trouble working out their differences amicably, but it happens in married households as well, usually when one parent is too insecure in the parenting role to bear making a child angry. These secret or unspoken alliances between a child and one parent are harmful, because they either undermine the authority of the other parent or make the child feel guilty for doing what he’s been explicitly told not to do. When they are younger, children may favor the “nice” parent in these situations, but in the long run, most children will grow up appreciating the parent who behaved responsibly and have less respect for the parent who behaved more like a child than an adult.

If your child is angry at you because the decision you came to didn’t turn out the way he had hoped, and you were the insistent parent, don’t worry about it. This is not a problem as long as one parent is not habitually forced into the role of the “bad guy,” and as long as your decision pleases your child every once in a while. If a child is always being told no and the blame is always placed on the same parent’s shoulders, he is bound to become resentful toward the parent.

When you and your spouse don’t agree, don’t get drawn into a power struggle over it. This is not a battle to see who’s the stronger, smarter, kinder, or better parent. The correct resolution to any disagreement you have with your spouse is the one that is best for your child, not the one that establishes one parent’s authority over the other’s. Parenting is not a competition. Everyone has to maintain a financial budget and how much money should you save before having a baby, it’s difficult thing but you can learn about it just drop your comments in the comment section.

Posted in Parenting

Nine Steps to More Effective Parenting

Raising kids is one of the toughest and most fulfilling jobs in the world — and the one for which you might feel the least prepared.

Here are nine child-rearing tips that can help you feel more fulfilled as a parent.

1. Boosting Your Child’s Self-Esteem

Kids start developing their sense of self as babies when they see themselves through their parents’ eyes. Your tone of voice, your body language, and your every expression are absorbed by your kids. Your words and actions as a parent affect their developing self-esteem more than anything else.

Praising accomplishments, however small, will make them feel proud; letting kids do things independently will make them feel capable and strong. By contrast, belittling comments or comparing a child unfavorably with another will make kids feel worthless.

Avoid making loaded statements or using words as weapons. Comments like “What a stupid thing to do!” or “You act more like a baby than your little brother!” cause damage just as physical blows do.

Choose your words carefully and be compassionate. Let your kids know that everyone makes mistakes and that you still love them, even when you don’t love their behavior.

2. Catch Kids Being Good

Have you ever stopped to think about how many times you react negatively to your kids in a given day? You may find yourself criticizing far more often than complimenting. How would you feel about a boss who treated you with that much negative guidance, even if it was well intentioned?

The more effective approach is to catch kids doing something right: “You made your bed without being asked — that’s terrific!” or “I was watching you play with your sister and you were very patient.” These statements will do more to encourage good behavior over the long run than repeated scoldings.

Make a point of finding something to praise every day. Be generous with rewards — your love, hugs, and compliments can work wonders and are often reward enough. Soon you will find you are “growing” more of the behavior you would like to see.

3. Set Limits and Be Consistent With Your Discipline

Discipline is necessary in every household. The goal of discipline is to help kids choose acceptable behaviors and learn self-control. They may test the limits you establish for them, but they need those limits to grow into responsible adults.

Establishing house rules helps kids understand your expectations and develop self-control. Some rules might include: no TV until homework is done, and no hitting, name-calling, or hurtful teasing allowed.

You might want to have a system in place: one warning, followed by consequences such as a “time out” or loss of privileges. A common mistake parents make is failure to follow through with the consequences. You can’t discipline kids for talking back one day and ignore it the next. Being consistent teaches what you expect.

4. Make Time for Your Kids

It’s often difficult for parents and kids to get together for a family meal, let alone spend quality time together. But there is probably nothing kids would like more. Get up 10 minutes earlier in the morning so you can eat breakfast with your child or leave the dishes in the sink and take a walk after dinner. Kids who aren’t getting the attention they want from their parents often act out or misbehave because they’re sure to be noticed that way. There are many bedtime stories to read for you children which leads to develop a good relation with them. Many parents find it rewarding to schedule together time with their kids. Create a “special night” each week to be together and let your kids help decide how to spend the time. Look for other ways to connect — put a note or something special in your kid’s lunchbox.

Adolescents seem to need less undivided attention from their parents than younger kids. Because there are fewer windows of opportunity for parents and teens to get together, parents should do their best to be available when their teen does express a desire to talk or participate in family activities. Attending concerts, games, and other events with your teen communicates caring and lets you get to know more about your child and his or her friends in important ways.

Don’t feel guilty if you’re a working parent. It is the many little things you do — making popcorn, playing cards, window shopping — that kids will remember.

5. Be a Good Role Model

Young kids learn a lot about how to act by watching their parents. The younger they are, the more cues they take from you. Before you lash out or blow your top in front of your child, think about this: Is that how you want your child to behave when angry? Be aware that you’re constantly being watched by your kids. Studies have shown that children who hit usually have a role model for aggression at home.

Model the traits you wish to see in your kids: respect, friendliness, honesty, kindness, tolerance. Exhibit unselfish behavior. Do things for other people without expecting a reward. Express thanks and offer compliments. Above all, treat your kids the way you expect other people to treat you.

6. Make Communication a Priority

You can’t expect kids to do everything simply because you, as a parent, “say so.” They want and deserve explanations as much as adults do. If we don’t take time to explain, kids will begin to wonder about our values and motives and whether they have any basis. Parents who reason with their kids allow them to understand and learn in a nonjudgmental way.

Make your expectations clear. If there is a problem, describe it, express your feelings, and invite your child to work on a solution with you. Be sure to include consequences. Make suggestions and offer choices. Be open to your child’s suggestions as well. Negotiate. Kids who participate in decisions are more motivated to carry them out.

7. Be Flexible and Willing to Adjust Your Parenting Style

If you often feel “let down” by your child’s behavior, perhaps you have unrealistic expectations. Parents who think in “shoulds” (for example, “My kid should be potty-trained by now”) might find it helpful to read up on the matter or to talk to other parents or child development specialists.

Kids’ environments have an effect on their behavior, so you might be able to change that behavior by changing the environment. If you find yourself constantly saying “no” to your 2-year-old, look for ways to alter your surroundings so that fewer things are off-limits. This will cause less frustration for both of you.

As your child changes, you’ll gradually have to change your parenting style. Chances are, what works with your child now won’t work as well in a year or two.

Teens tend to look less to their parents and more to their peers for role models. But continue to provide guidance, encouragement, and appropriate discipline while allowing your teen to earn more independence. And seize every available moment to make a connection!

8. Show That Your Love Is Unconditional

As a parent, you’re responsible for correcting and guiding your kids. But how you express your corrective guidance makes all the difference in how a child receives it.

When you have to confront your child, avoid blaming, criticizing, or fault-finding, which undermine self-esteem and can lead to resentment. Instead, strive to nurture and encourage, even when disciplining your kids. Make sure they know that although you want and expect better next time, your love is there no matter what.

9. Know Your Own Needs and Limitations as a Parent

Face it — you are an imperfect parent. You have strengths and weaknesses as a family leader. Recognize your abilities — “I am loving and dedicated.” Vow to work on your weaknesses — “I need to be more consistent with discipline.” Try to have realistic expectations for yourself, your spouse, and your kids. You don’t have to have all the answers — be forgiving of yourself.

And try to make parenting a manageable job. Focus on the areas that need the most attention rather than trying to address everything all at once. Admit it when you’re burned out. Take time out from parenting to do things that will make you happy as a person (or as a couple).

Focusing on your needs does not make you selfish. It simply means you care about your own well-being, which is another important value to model for your children.

Posted in Parenting

Basic House Rules For Families & How to Create Your Own

Do you have a set of house rules? If not, they can be a valuable part of any home. Similar to a family mission statement, family rules are designed to clearly describe the expectations in your home, but in a more detailed way. Family house rules don’t have to be complicated, and you don’t need to feel like a drill sergeant to enforce them. But, house rules are key to helping your family to have less stress, less conflict, less yelling, and to run smoothly.

Although the rules often change a bit as things change and kids grow older, developing some basic rules for where you are now is a great exercise in creating an efficient home that is also purposeful. The house rules we have in our family are appropriate for children of all ages from toddlers to teenagers and everything in between.

  1. We are a family, first and foremost.
  2. Mom and Dad are in charge. Period.
  3. You will respect everyone who lives here. Always.
  4. Get your kids to follow rules by setting up guidelines at home.
  5. Life is not always about you, sometimes it is about others.
  6. You are not expected to be perfect, therefore, you may not expect perfection from others, even Mom and Dad.
  7. Sometimes grace is extended, but grace is not to be expected.
  8. If you don’t have something nice to say, just keep it shut.
  9. You are expected to respond or acknowledge when you are spoken to, ear buds or not.
  10. If you want to add something to the family calendar, you need to give plenty of notice.
  11. If you are caught lying about something, you will receive twice the consequences. Being honest is always your best option.
  12. Man or woman, girl or boy, you are expected to keep your word.
  13. If your plans have changed, you need to tell Mom or Dad as soon as they change.
  14. It does not matter to us what happens in the lives of your friends. This is your life – you live here.
  15. There are plenty of times to have a discussion, you may always speak your mind – as long as you do it in a respectful way.
  16. When someone is speaking, they have the floor.
  17. If you would like privileges, you will need to fulfill your responsibilities.
  18. If you want to borrow something, you will need to ask & not just take it.
  19. When you borrow something, you will need to return it as you found it and to where you found it.
  20. There is no maid who lives here.
  21. If you make a mess, clean it up.
  22. When you take something out, put it back.
  23. If you take the last of something, tell the person who needs to know.
  24. If you break something, you will be involved in the fixing or replacing process.
  25. Electronics are a privilege, not a right.

Posted in Parenting

What to Do About Your Child’s Bug or Spider Phobia ?

All people have fears. Given that, it’s completely normal for children, from the toddler to the teen, to be afraid of something. Fears are formed in a somewhat developmental fashion, which means that it’s often easy to predict what children will be scared of at what age.

Not surprisingly, a lot of kids (and adults) don’t like bugs. In the moment, we don’t tend to think about all the ways that insects or spiders help the food chain or the environment. Instead, bugs and spiders are frequently unwelcome and can elicit a whole gamut of responses from shrieking to crying.

But what happens when these creepy crawlies cause more than a little bit of distress?

When someone has a fear of something specific and it interferes with daily life, this may actually be a phobia. The fear is more than what would typically be expected for the situation. A child who has a phobia of bugs (entomophobia) or spiders (arachnophobia) may either completely avoid the types of insects or their eight-legged counterparts that they’re afraid of or find themselves under extreme distress in their presence. What’s more, when someone has an extreme fear of something they tend to be vigilant; they’re frequently scanning the environment for the thing they are afraid of, and they often find it.

If you’re thinking, “Who likes insects –and is this really a problem?” you’re asking the right question. Plenty of kids don’t like bees or flies for example, but they happily play at recess, attend camp or picnics and simply move away if they see a flying insect. If a bee landed near them, the child might even get a little upset, but the key point is that the child would be as upset as most people; and once the bee is gone, the child would move on and continue playing or interacting as usual. In such typical cases, kids wouldn’t give it much thought after that, either.

Children with phobias, however, are often controlled by their fears and their world starts to get smaller. For example, a child with a phobia of bugs may not be able to tolerate going to summer camp or may avoid going outside altogether. These fears can take over a family, too. Imagine trying to negotiate a family outing if one child is convinced that bugs might be there and absolutely refuses to go or has a complete meltdown when the family arrives.

The National Institute of Mental Health estimates that 5 to 12% of Americans have phobias, and it’s estimated that around 7 to 9% of children have a specific phobia. Animal, blood, storm and water-specific phobias typically develop in early childhood, whereas fears related to heights and other situations tend to emerge later.

Like other anxiety disorders, avoidance reinforces fears. Essentially, the more a child avoids situations with bugs, the less anxious they are – that part makes sense. However, in the process the child misses out on experiencing how, in fact, they can handle the situation. In the case of a bee, if the child runs away or has the parent shield them, that child doesn’t have the chance to see that they can be outside and the bee will likely fly away. Even if a child did get stung, it would hurt, but the child would be OK (barring allergies).

Similarly, if a child’s parent checked the bathroom for bugs every day, the child would feel reassured, but it would send the message, “You need me to check the bathroom to make sure things are safe.”

So what should a parent or caregiver do? Here are five things I’d suggest:

  1. Validate the fear.
  2. Model non-anxious coping.
  3. Help your child face fears.
  4. Make gradual changes
  5. Practice, practice, practice.

Validate the Fear

This is really important with phobias because the child is usually far more worried about the thing than the parent. As such, it’s easy to say something like, “It’s so small!” or “You don’t have to worry about that.”

Validating lets your child know you take their fear seriously and understand that this is hard for them. Saying, “I know flying bugs really scare you” can go a long way.[ 

Model Non-Anxious Coping.

Your children are paying attention, even when you don’t think they are. Kids see their parents as models, so it’s really important to lead by example. Look for opportunities where you can practice what you preach.

In other words, if you happen to do something that’s anxiety-provoking, let your child know: “I have to admit that I was a nervous that the flu shot was going to hurt. It turns out that it wasn’t as bad as I thought.” Be honest, and realize that sharing moments where you coped with something skillfully provides a great example for your child.

Help Your Child Face Fears

We can unintentionally reinforce avoidance. That is to say we often help our children stay away from the things that scare them, which actually can make the fear stronger.

Rather than choosing a table inside and far away from any bugs, choose a table that’s near a window and say, “I know this is hard, but I know you can do it.”

Make Gradual Changes

If your child has been struggling with extreme fears of bugs for months or years, it’s not reasonable to expect your child to go on a three-day camping trip in the wilderness. Likewise, if you’ve been checking places for bugs daily, you can’t just stop doing it without a plan.

Begin by taking small steps. Sometimes just talking about bugs or looking at videos of them is a good start. Taking a 10-minute walk through a park would be a great next step.

Practice, Practice, Practice.

It takes a lot of practice to do something that one has previously avoided. In other words, your child will need a lot of exposures to get over the fear.

They will need to have a lot of opportunities to face fears and tolerate them. They don’t have to love bugs, but they need to experience what it’s like to be near them without having the type of strong reactions they’ve had before.

If informal strategies like these aren’t working and the child’s fears are leading to major avoidance – such as missing out on experiences with peers or not being able to do a family trip – it’s probably time to seek an evaluation from a mental health professional. The treatment for phobias – namely cognitive behavioral therapy – is very effective. The important thing is to address the fear, so that it doesn’t continue to disrupt your child’s life. Everyone has to maintain a financial budget and how much money should i save for a baby , it’s difficult thing but you can learn about it just drop your comments in the comment section.


Posted in Parenting

Signs of Anxiety in a Child

A 9 year old girl has frequent meltdowns after school. She cries, yells and throws things around her room. She argues with everyone in her path until she finally collapses on her bed.

The girl’s mother is concerned she has a behavior disorder that’s worsening by the day, and she fears it could affect how she does at school as well. She has seemingly tried everything. Her daughter’s behavior is negatively impacting the whole family. Her mother hopes that therapy will help her daughter learn to deal with her anger and make better choices. Anger isn’t the problem, though. Anger is simply the symptom that rises to the surface.

What this little girl has is anxiety. Identifying signs of anxiety disorders in a child can be hard. Parents often confuse anxiety with behavior problems, because with young children, anxiety tends to manifest as changes in behavior. These changes can be subtle and hard to detect at first, but over time they snowball.

Many Children Are Affected by Anxiety Disorders

The latest statistics from the National Institute of Mental Health show that anxiety disorders affect 1 in 8 children. Untreated anxiety disorders put children at risk for a range of issues from poor school performance, difficulty maintaining peer relationships and sleep disturbance to substance abuse as they get older.

It’s important to note that anxiety is a natural reaction to stress. Some anxiety is actually good for us. That voice in your head that reminds you to jump out of the way when a car rounds a corner at a high speed is your brain reacting to stress with just the right amount of anxiety.

Anxiety becomes a problem, however, when excessive worry interferes with normal daily living for at least two weeks. For children, it’s important to pay attention to changes at school, at home and among peers. You might find that the teacher sends home glowing reports but your child lashes out at home and no longer seeks peer interaction outside of school. Childhood anxiety can be tricky, so watch for these sneaky signs if you have concerns.

Frequent meltdowns: More often than not, anxious children work hard to internalize their anxiety when they’re out in the world, coming completely unglued once they get home. Tantrums are not just for toddlers. When big kids have prolonged and frequent tantrums and struggle to regulate emotions, anxiety tends to lurk beneath the surface.

Unsure if your child’s meltdowns are truly problematic? Take note of them – literally. Jot down information about the episodes, including the time of day; potential triggers – such as hunger, exhaustion and stress; how long a meltdown lasted; and what helped your child calm down. Look for a pattern to emerge.

Sleep disturbance: Sleep issues are often misunderstood as willful, negative behavior. But many times sleep disturbance is a symptom of anxiety.

Keep a sleep log for a couple of weeks to get a baseline on your child’s sleep habits. Pay attention to these potential symptoms of anxiety:

  • Difficulty falling asleep.
  • Frequently waking up.
  • Nightmares.
  • Night terrors.
  • Sleep walking, which can be related to stress, particularly if it’s out of the ordinary for your child.

School refusal: Most kids have a few days here and there when they just don’t want to go to school. That’s perfectly normal. School refusal, on the other hand, means that a child refuses to go to school on a regular basis and has problems staying in school. This issue affects 2% to 5% of school-age children, and it can reoccur during the transition to middle school and high school. Children struggling with school refusal might exhibit some of the following symptoms:

  • Tantrums just prior to leaving the house.
  • Physical complaints just before school, including headaches, stomach aches and sometimes even diarrhea.
  • Inflexibility.
  • Defiance.
  • Separation anxiety.

Avoidance behaviors: Avoidance is sometimes overlooked because it doesn’t seem like a big deal if a child wants to bail on a birthday party. The key is to look for a pattern of avoidance and measure it against your child’s baseline. If your social butterfly suddenly wants nothing to do with play dates, parties and after school activities, take note.

Anxiety often seems to strike without warning to parents, but the child has likely been silently struggling for many weeks. Avoidance is simply an attempt to find emotional relief from symptoms that are difficult to manage on a daily basis.

Physical complaints: Anxious kids tend to have a long list of physical complaints. Some complaints will mimic the latest virus going around and you might think your child is physically ill. Again, always look for patterns and consider the timing of the symptoms.

The truth is that anxious kids can and do worry themselves sick. Pay attention to these common complaints among anxious kids:

  • Headaches.
  • Dizziness.
  • Stomach problems.
  • Muscle aches. That sore leg might be the result of your child clenching his leg muscles all day to stamp out anxious thoughts.
  • Racing heart.
  • Shortness of breath.

How to Support Your Anxious Child

Anxious feelings are part of childhood, and not all anxiety becomes an anxiety disorder. If your child experiences symptoms of anxiety for a period of two weeks or more that interfere with his or her normal daily living, seek an evaluation from a licensed mental health practitioner. If you suspect that your child’s anxiety is mild, taking these steps may help:

  • Listen to your child’s feelings and talk openly about anxiety.
  • Empathize with your child.
  • Plan extra time for transitions.
  • Understand your child’s triggers and plan ahead.
  • Reduce your child’s schedule to increase downtime.
  • Develop and maintain a consistent, early bedtime schedule.
  • Practice deep breathing exercises together.
  • Work with the classroom teacher to reduce anxious feelings at school. Keeping a stress ball in the desk can be a big help.
  • Resist the urge to dismiss or downplay worries.
  • Create a stress-free zone in the home, and stock it with relaxing activities, such as coloring books, stress balls, clay, Play-Doh and soothing music.
  • Modify expectations, particularly during times of increased stress.

When children learn how to manage and independently cope with their triggers for anxiety – which can include exhaustion, overscheduling and school-related stress – childhood anxiety decreases. Help your child by tuning in to his or her specific worries and triggers and trying several coping strategies to find a few that work.

Anxiety in Adolescents

Anxiety is even a bigger issue as kids reach adolescence. “By the age of 18, about 30% will have had some form of anxiety disorder at that point,” says Dr. Rebecca Siegel, an adult, child and adolescent psychiatrist who practices at the Amen Clinics location in New York City. “Once kids hit puberty, it becomes a 2-1 ratio of girls to boys who is affected.”

Types of anxiety evolve in teen years, Siegel explains. Social anxiety, school- and peer-related anxiety and generalized anxiety can appear more frequently.

Signs of anxiety also change. “Adolescents will do many different things than young children,” Siegel says. Dysfunctional coping mechanisms can include increased risk of substance use, she says. School avoidance becomes more serious. “School failure is much more likely to happen in adolescents as opposed to in children,” she says.

Anxiety Dangers

As with younger kids, changes in an adolescent’s normal behavior and routines, or shifts in sleep patterns or school performance, can signal anxiety. If your child, who would usually speak to you, suddenly shuts you out, that can be a sign, Siegel says. You may notice that he or she seems anxious and stressed – more so than normal. Isolation is another red flag. “If they’re not getting treatment, many adolescents will look to self-medicate,” she says.

Self-harm is a possible sign of adolescent anxiety, particularly in girls. Self-harm includes intentional injuries such as cutting or scalding. Girls are three times as likely to harm themselves as boys, according to astudy published Oct. 18, 2017, in the journal BMJ. “Anxiety can lead to depression, which then can lead to things like self-harm,” Siegel says. “It’s imperative that parents are aware of what goes on with their kids, just as in mood and depressive disorders.” Anxiety can become so severe that kids are thinking about suicide, Siegel says.

Social Pressures

Although there can be a genetic component to anxiety, Siegel says, environmental factors that contribute to anxiety loom large in adolescence: “Peer pressure, social pressure, social media – that is a huge issue.”

Social media has been shown to increase anxiety and depression in vulnerable kids, Siegel says. “Not every kid is at risk,” she notes. “In at-risk kids, social media and other environmental factors can tremendously affect how kids feel.”

How to Support Your Anxious Teen

Anxiety is “definitely” treatable, Siegel says. Parents need to find somebody their kids can connect with. That could be a school therapist, for instance. Individual therapy is another option, and group therapy can be helpful, as well.

“Treatment can be tremendously effective, but it has to be the right treatment,” Siegel says. “In moderate to severe anxiety, the best forms are cognitive behavioral therapy, and then medication may be a part of that, as well. Research has shown that the combination of cognitive behavioral therapy and medication therapy may be more effective for some adolescents.” Therapy alone is usually the first-line treatment, she emphasizes. You can help your children to learn different things from the children’s books about economics and they can learn about financial freedom and life lessons.

Posted in Parenting

Reacting Against a ‘Too Clean’ World, Some Parents Go Too Far the Other Way

Somewhere between the Mom who obsessively wipes down every knob and toy her child might touch, and the Dad who thinks rolling in the dirt is “good” for kids, there’s a healthy medium, British experts say.

“We have to find a way to protect against infectious diseases and harmful microbes, whilst at the same time sustaining exposure to the essential beneficial microbes in our world,” explained Sally Bloomfield.

Bloomfield is a member of the International Scientific Forum on Home Hygiene, and also the co-author of a new report that surveyed British adults on their attitude towards dirt and germs in the home.

The 2018 survey, from the Royal Society for Public Health, suggests people are confused about how much dirt is OK. A lot of that confusion is probably coming from the rise of the “hygiene hypothesis” — the notion that today’s homes are overly sanitized, and kids need contact with germs to build up healthy immune systems.

But this notion can be taken too far, as Bloomfield’s group found.

In fact, nearly one in four people polled agreed with the statement that “hygiene in the home is not important because children need to be exposed to harmful germs to build their immune system.”

Men were twice as likely as women to express that opinion.

On the other hand, misconceptions around the level of “danger” posed by dirt were also common.

Bloomfield’s team found that “almost two-thirds of those we surveyed (61%) said touching a child’s dirty hands after they have been playing outside was likely to spread harmful germs.”

But that’s simply not true. In fact, “there is little evidence that outdoor dirt and soil is contaminated with harmful microbes (unless there are animals nearby),” according to the report.

Different germs, different hazards

Bloomfield, a researcher at the London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine, said the key thing to remember is that all germs are not created equal.

Exposure to diverse microbes from other people, domestic animals and the natural environment do help build a healthy immune system and microbiome — the varied microbes normally living in the gut and respiratory tract, experts agree. However, exposure to the wrongtypes of germs can both weaken the microbiome and cause infections.

And if those infections require antibiotics, “good” bacteria in the gut get destroyed along with the bad, they pointed out.

So, how to find a balance between being a compulsive germaphobe who’s constantly cleaning or the lax parent letting kids chow down on mud pies?

Bloomfield believes a new, more nuanced model, called “targeted hygiene,” is probably the answer.

Targeted hygiene means intervening with kids and their environment, but only when you can stop the risk of infection. This doesn’t necessarily mean avid cleaning. Cleaning does get rid of visible dirt, but it won’t necessarily reduce the risk of infection.

What does? Handwashing.

Handwashing is a simple component of targeted hygiene, and should be timed to certain activities, Bloomfield said.

“Our own bodies, our food and our domestic animals are the most likely sources of spread of infection — so the times that matter are [times such as] when we handle raw food, when we use the toilet, when we care for our pets, when we are infected or caring for someone who is infected,” she explained.

So, be sure to wash your hands well:

  • when you first come home;
  • if you’ve been caring for or playing with a pet;
  • after toileting;
  • before eating or preparing food;
  • after handling raw meat, fruits or vegetables;
  • after sneezing, coughing or blowing your nose.


‘Common sense’ clean

Most — but not all — of the British adults surveyed seem to understand the value of hand washing, since “73% of respondents said they ‘always’ washed their hands thoroughly with soap after using the toilet and after preparing raw meat,” the report found.

In addition to hand washing, Bloomfield said other important measures include cleaning surfaces that come into contact with food, cleaning surfaces regularly touched by many people, and washing dishcloths immediately after using them so they don’t spread germs.

Dr. Aaron Glatt is a spokesperson for the Infectious Diseases Society of America. He reviewed the new report and said he “likes the idea of targeted hygiene.”

“Good common sense remains the best way to prevent infection,” Glatt said. “You don’t need to wash your hands 40 times a day, but appropriate hand washing needs to be stressed. If you’ve just come out of the bathroom or are going to be preparing foods, wash your hands.”

When it comes to routine cleaning, Glatt said the kitchen and bathrooms are two major areas that need attention.

He agreed that pets can potentially be a point of transmission for infection, but if they’re cared for properly, they shouldn’t be a concern.

“We even allow pets into the hospital for therapy,” Glatt said. “In general, kids and pets interact in a positive way.”

Again, common sense should be your guide: “Kids shouldn’t let a pet lick their plate and then eat from it,” Glatt said. There are variety of popular children’s books about economics available and with the help of those books you can teach your kids about economics, money management, life skills and life lessons.

Posted in Parenting

‘Mom, It Bit Me!’ Caring for Animal Bites in Children

IN THE SUMMER, pediatricians see an uptick of animal bites as children spend more time outdoors and in new places.

As parents, we try to protect our kids from these potentially dangerous circumstances. We talk to our kids about avoiding wild and unknown animals. Plus, we are mindful of caring for the properties where children play, including preventing trash accumulation that may attract dangerous animals.

Even with careful effort, however, not all bites can be prevented.

If an animal bites your child, initially assess the wound. If the wound is severe, evaluation in the emergency room is required to determine the extent of the injury, control bleeding, and evaluate for broken bones or internal injuries. Also, bites to the face should be seen urgently to determine if stitches need to be placed.

Most bites, however, can be initially managed at home and followed up with a call or visit to the pediatrician’s office.

Dog Bites

The most common animal bites kids sustain are from canines. Dog bites account for a whopping 90% of the 5 million animal bites that children and adults sustain in the U.S. every year, and lead to about 1% of emergency room visits annually. This is because, well, there are a lot of dogs out there.

Both unknown dogs and beloved family pets will bite children. The episodes can be traumatic for the entire family, causing long-lasting fear of dogs in many children. The peak age of bites occurs during the toddler years when impulsive childhood movements and sounds frighten animals enough to attack. Young children are also at risk of bites due to their lack of experience witnessing outward signs of aggression in animals.

If your child gets bitten by a dog, you need to call the child’s doctor. Certainly, if the attack was extensive, emergency room evaluation is necessary to repair significant wounds. This would include bites in which the bleeding is hard to control, located on the head or face, or where additional injuries are a concern, pain is excessive or the child has underlying medical conditions.

For any bite injury, it’s essential to clean the area thoroughly and ensure any bleeding has stopped. Make sure to apply an antiseptic solution to cleanse the wound and keep it bandaged until it heals. In addition, ensure your child has had a tetanus shot in the last five years.

Most minor dog bites can be effectively handled at home and don’t require taking antibiotics to prevent infection. If you don’t know the dog’s vaccination status, call your local animal control agency about whether a rabies vaccination is recommended in your area, and call your child’s doctor to get advice on what to do next.

Rabies is a life-threatening infection that can be prevented by vaccine injections after the bite has occurred. Watch the area carefully for increased pain, heat or redness; and let the doctor know about any concerns.

Cat Bites

If you’ve ever spent any time around a cat, you understand how quickly a change in environment can spark aggression. It should be no surprise that felines are responsible for the most bites in kids after dogs.

Cats have long so-called eyeteeth, which can puncture skin very easily. Once the bite area is cleaned and protected using an antiseptic, a visit to the doctor is likely warranted.

Since cats harbor more bacteria in their mouths than dogs, most children need to be treated with oral antibiotics after cat bites to prevent the common complication of an infection. Cats more often carry rabies than dogs, so calling your local animal control agency is important if the cat that bit your child is unknown or unvaccinated.

Bat Bites

Bat bites are not uncommon in the Midwest where I live, and in many other areas of the country. Bat bites are tricky because it’s not unusual for a child to have to zero recollection or physical evidence of the bite. If you or someone else sees a bat in your home, it’s best to presume all family members have been potentially bit by the animal and take action to determine if your family is at risk of infection.

Many bats carry the dangerous rabies virus. As a general rule of thumb, if a bat is found in your home, especially in a sleeping area, call your doctor. Infectious disease experts can work with your pediatrician to determine if family members need the series of rabies shots based on local knowledge of the bat population.

Other Animal Bites

There are many other animal species children can encounter. Most other animal bites are treated like cat bites. Specifically, guinea pig, rodent and reptile bites can get infected and often require taking antibiotics as a preventive measure.

If a child comes in contact with an unusual animal or one that you can’t reliably identify, humanely trapping the animal to allow for professional veterinary evaluation can provide valuable information regarding the care of your child. However, this is not always possible and should never be attempted if it could lead to additional harm.

If a bite happens, attend to your child first, then get as much information about the source of the bite as you can. Your child’s doctor will be happy to help with the next steps as needed.  You can help your children to learn different things from the children’s book series and they can learn about financial freedom and life lessons.

Posted in Kids

Self Development For Kids

The biggest dream I have is to be invited by the US Government to advise on teaching self development in schools.

Rather ironically, I had an actual dream recently in which that happened and I was given the keys to the school system and an unlimited budget.

I can’t actually remember much more of the dream, other than the President at the time was Charlie Sheen and Sarah Palin his Vice-President.

That seems highly plausible to me, so maybe it was a premonition and not really a dream?

Anyway, this got me thinking, if that were to happen and the phone were to ring asking me to take on the roll, what would I do?

Before I got to work I’d call Jamie Oliver and give him free access to the food services.

I’d insist that we not only started giving kids the right kind of food, but also the education so they know why we’re giving them the right kind of food.

Seriously, I don’t give a damn how much Coke or Pepsi pay me, they’re not putting their vending machines in my schools.

The same goes for any other vending machines that dispense candy, cookies and crap.

Self Development For Kids

Then I would install a subject on the curriculum called ‘Self Development’ (or some other more imaginative title) and it would be mandatory for all kids starting in primary education.

I think during those crucial years between the ages of about 6 and 10 we have a real opportunity to give kids a leg up that they don’t always get from family.

And that isn’t a knock on parents either, because they’re almost always doing their best.

But when was the last time you met a parent that had taken any training in what is possibly the hardest job in the world to get right?

Not having kids and it being a decade or four since I was at school you may be able to tell me some of this stuff has already been implemented. If so, I’d love to know.

I’d also love to know in the comments what you think I’ve missed and if you think some of my ideas are plain nuts.

Breathing

The vast majority of people (some reports say it’s over 90%), don’t breathe properly. They breathe from the upper chest and too rapidly.

This can lead to anxiety, high blood pressure, poor health and an inefficient supply of oxygen to the brain, especially in times of stress.

I know it sounds ridiculous because we are born breathing, but I’d insist kids have refreshers on this.

It would probably only be one hour per semester, but by the time they hit their teens they’d understand the importance of something most people take for granted. And more importantly, how they can control it.

Daydreaming

Do you remember at school when kids would be scolded for daydreaming? Maybe you were one of them, I know I was.

What a crock of shit!

Some of the greatest breakthroughs in the history of humankind have come directly from daydreaming.

Albert Einstein, Walt Disney,  Isaac Newton, Richard Branson, Henry David Thoreau and hundreds more of the greatest people to ever walk the earth were dreamers, and in particular, daydreamers.

I wouldn’t ridicule or punish kids who are obviously away with the fairies in class, I’d encourage them to share what they were thinking and praise them for anything creative.

Kids daydream, don’t stifle that and in turn their creativity, nurture it.

Thinking

Consider yourself lucky because you read self development blogs. As such you know you can think differently even if you don’t always implement that ability.

There are millions of kids that have no idea their reality isn’t the reality.

Nobody has ever told them their thoughts dictate their lives and they can change them.

It could be said that ‘As A Man Thinketh’ by James Allen is the only self development book you ever need to read. It’s short, simple, and awesomely powerful. As such it would be required reading on my curriculum.

I’d also teach kids about cognitive biases such as confirmation bias, the endowment effect, the halo effect etc so they can avoid making poor decisionsbased upon them without realizing why.

Asking Great Questions

From great questions come great answers and I’d encourage kids to keep asking when they don’t know the answer to something.

What makes a great question?

Simple, one you don’t know the answer to.

Too often people are afraid to ask because they think they’ll look dumb and that belief was installed at an early age.

You look dumb for not asking questions in my world.

Visualization

I’d teach all kids the power of visualization. Scientifically speaking, there is no doubt that visualization works incredibly well.

It trains the brain to do things before the body has to do them in the real world.

Kids are often naturally good at this, but if they knew how to harness it effectively they would be awesome.

Embracing Failure

Do they still use red pens in school to mark work? If so, I’d immediately ban the use of them.

Is there anything more discouraging and demoralizing for a kid than getting some work back riddled with red crosses and harsh comments such as ‘could do better’?

Well duh, we all could do better on occasions, it’s called being human.

We now know people learn quicker through personal failure and we know why at a neurological level.

We also know that the most successful people that have ever lived have often had the most failures.

Yet still we insist on stigmatizing and ridiculing failure rather than embracing it.

Young kids aren’t afraid or self conscious of failing. Which is why they don’t quit learning to walk and talk when at first they don’t succeed, and why they ultimately prevail in both activities.

Yet as a Society we knock the willingness to ‘give things a go’ out of them in countless subtle, and not so subtle ways.

I’d teach kids not to be afraid of failing and I’d encourage them for the effort they put in when things didn’t go according to plan (presuming they did put some effort in that is!).

Also, I’d instruct all teachers to never compliment a child for being talented.

We now know that one well intentioned action alone can encourage a fixed mindset and curtail mental growth.

Kids respond best by being encouraged for their effort, so encourage them.

Reframing

In my opinion reframing is the most underrated skill on the planet

They don’t always reframe the right way, especially if they see their parents reverse reframing and always extracting the bad from the good, but they can usually do it.

Kids are naturally great reframers.

I’d implement reframing competitions and have kids reframing the crap out of everything.

This goes hand in hand with failing, because when we reframe failure as a learning experience it no longer feels like failure.

The Point-system for kids provides the ways which helps kids in self development and make them ready to face all the hurdles of their lives in future.

Posted in Kids

Ways to Prepare Your Kids to Lead Happy and Successful Lives

1. Move to the best neighborhood you can afford.

The best move parents can make for their children is to a neighborhood with excellent schools, more career opportunities and the opportunity to grow up with peers who value education, hard work and achievement. Note: you don’t even have to be wealthy to make this happen.

Although controversial, research has found moving to a better neighborhood is a better investment than tutoring and extracurricular activities like piano lessons.

2. Become a happier and less stressed person yourself.

Research has proven adults thrive in business when they are happy and less stressed. The same is true for parenting. Carolyn and Philip Cowan, psychologists at the University of California, have found happy parents are more likely to have happy children. According to the husband-and-wife psychologists, “The children do not fare well if the adults aren’t taking care of themselves and their relationships.”

Research from Bowling Green State University sociologist Kei Nomaguchi found that “Mothers’ stress, especially when mothers are stressed because of the juggling with work and trying to find time with kids, that may actually be affecting their kids poorly.”

3. Make them do chores.

Whether it was mowing the grass, taking out the trash, washing dishes, walking the dog or folding laundry, when I was growing up my parents were always assigning me chores. I hated it but thankfully, they didn’t ease up. It taught me the value of hard work and collaborating to get things done  — one of us kids washed the dishes, another dried. Most importantly, it taught me responsibility.

4. Make your kids read daily and learn math at early age.

During his five years studying the behaviors and habits of self-made millionaires, best-selling author Thomas Curley found that, “Sixty three percent of those self-made millionaires were required by their parents to read two or more books a month.”

The parents insisted their kid read biographies, history, nonfiction, literary classics or hobby books, and they quizzed them about what they had read. Curley believes not encouraging your children to read daily is “failing your kids.”

5. Set high expectations and Explaining government to kids .

Researchers from the University of California, Los Angeles (UCLA) and the American Academy of Pediatrics discovered that parent’s expectations predict their child’s success in school.

“The big surprise was what a strong role parents’ long-term goals for their children played in predicting their math and reading abilities,” said Neal Halfon, M.D., M.P.H., the study’s senior author and director of the UCLA Center for Healthier Children, Families, and Communities.

6. Praise them correctly.

If you haven’t explored the exciting work regarding mindset from Carol Dweck, a professor of psychology at Stanford University, then I suggest that you immediately do so. It’s greatly influenced me as an entrepreneur.

According to Dweck, a fixed mindset believes that talent and skill are innate and can not be changed — you’re only as good at something as you were born to be. A growth mindset, however, believes that talents can be developed over time and skills learned with sufficient effort.

7. Create family rituals.

Research has found that children with strong social skills in kindergarten will thrive as adults. One of the best and most enjoyable ways to encourage these social skills is with family rituals. According to researchers Dr. Dawn Eaker and Dr. Lynda Walters, these family rituals are as simple as cooking meals together, family game night, evening walks and annual vacations. Consider weekly family meetings to review what you did and didn’t do well in the past week and what you’ll work on in the coming week.

8. Teach them to be “gritty” and Follow Rules.

Angela Duckworth, the Christopher H. Browne Distinguished Professor of Psychology at the University of Pennsylvania and Founder and CEO of Character Lab, defines grit “as passion and perseverance for especially long-term goals.”

Throughout her research, Duckworth found a correlation between grit and rank in the US National Spelling Bee, educational attainment, grade-point average in Ivy League undergrads and retention of West Point cadets.

9. Help them build meaningful relationships.

Jack Shonkoff and Deborah Phillips discovered that having strong relationships is essential for children’s growth and psychological well-being. Children who do not have meaningful relationships tend to perform poorly in school, are more likely to get in trouble with the law and often develop psychiatric problems.

10. Teach them to be all-around healthy.

Healthy habits are vital for success as adults and kids both. Set boundaries that encourage your kids to get plenty of sleep, eat healthily and be active. For example, don’t let them sit inside and play videos all day. Send them outside to play. Teach them the health benefits of taking care of themselves instead of focusing on their appearance or complaining how guilty you feel after buying them fast food. Teach good habits by making healthy dinners together, family bike rides or setting aside time for writing in your gratitude journals.