Tag: Parenting

Posted in Parenting

4 Types of Parenting Styles and Their Effects on Kids

Posted on by Tim Connolly

Your parenting style can affect everything from how much your child weighs to how she feels about herself. It’s important to ensure your parenting style is supporting healthy growth and development because the way you interact with your child and how you discipline her will influence her for the rest of her life. 

Researchers have identified four types of parenting styles:

  • Authoritarian
  • Authoritative
  • Permissive
  • Uninvolved

Each style takes a different approach to raising children, and can be identified by a number of different characteristics.

1. Authoritarian Parenting

Do any of these statements sound like you?

  • You believe kids should be seen and not heard.
  • When it comes to rules, you believe it’s “my way or the highway.”
  • You don’t take your child’s feelings into consideration.

If any of those ring true, you might be an authoritarian parent. Authoritarian parents believe kids should follow the rules without exception.

Authoritarian parents are famous for saying, “Because I said so,” when a child questions the reasons behind a rule. They are not interested in negotiating and their focus is on obedience.

They also don’t allow kids to get involved in problem-solving challenges or obstacles. Instead, they make the rules and enforce the consequences with little regard for a child’s opinion. 

Authoritarian parents may use punishments instead of discipline. So rather than teach a child how to make better choices, they’re invested in making kids feel sorry for their mistakes.

Children who grow up with strict authoritarian parents tend to follow rules much of the time. But, their obedience comes at a price.

Children of authoritarian parents are at a higher risk of development self-esteem problems because their opinions aren’t valued.

They may also become hostile or aggressive. Rather than think about how to do things better in the future, they often focus on the anger they feel toward their parents. Since authoritarian parents are often strict, their children may grow to become good liars in an effort to avoid punishment.

2. Authoritative Parenting

Do any of these statements sound like you?

  • You put a lot of effort into creating and maintaining a positive relationship with your child.
  • You explain the reasons behind your rules.
  • You enforce rules and give consequences, but take your child’s feelings into consideration. 

If those statements sound familiar, you may be an authoritative parent. Authoritative parents have rules and they use consequences, but they also take their children’s opinions into account. They validate their children’s feelings, while also making it clear that the adults are ultimately in charge. 

Authoritative parents invest time and energy into preventing behavior problems before they start. They also use positive discipline strategies to reinforce good behavior, like praise and reward systems.

3. Permissive Parenting

Do any of these statements sound like you?

  • You set rules but rarely enforce them.
  • You don’t give out consequences very often.
  • You think your child will learn best with little interference from you.

If those statements sound familiar, you might be a permissive parent. Permissive parents are lenient. They often only step in when there’s a serious problem.

They’re quite forgiving and they adopt an attitude of “kids will be kids.” When they do use consequences, they may not make those consequences stick. They might give privileges back if a child begs or they may allow a child to get out of time-out early if he promises to be good. 

Permissive parents usually take on more of a friend role than a parent role. They often encourage their children to talk with them about their problems, but they usually don’t put much effort into discouraging poor choices or bad behavior. 

4. Uninvolved Parenting

Do any of these statements sound familiar?

  • You don’t ask your child about school or homework.
  • You rarely know where your child is or who she is with.
  • You don’t spend much time with your child.

If those statements sound familiar, you might be an uninvolved parent. Uninvolved parents tend to have little knowledge of what their children are doing.

There tend to be few rules. Children may not receive much guidance, nurturing, and parental attention.

Uninvolved parents expect children to raise themselves. They don’t devote much time or energy into meeting children’s basic needs.

Uninvolved parents may be neglectful but it’s not always intentional. A parent with mental health issues or substance abuse problems, for example, may not be able to care for a child’s physical or emotional needs on a consistent basis. 

Posted in Kids

How children learn

Posted on by Tim Connolly

The first and most important learning in a child’s life happens within the family. Children learn from the way people treat them and from what they see, hear and experience starting as soon as they are born.

  • There are many ways of learning. Children learn by watching, by listening and especially by doing.
  • All children go through a number of stages but there are differences between children within each stage. There are also differences in the length of time it takes for children to move from stage to stage.
  • Children do best in an environment which is interesting and where they feel loved and safe.

As parents you are in the best position to know what your children like and what they can do and to support their learning.

  • Provide an environment where your children can explore, learn new things, try new things, practise what they can do and talk about what they are doing and learning. Teach them to watch, listen, think and question.  
  • Give your children plenty of time to play. Play is important because it allows children to practise skills over and over again in their own time and to develop ideas at their own pace. While many toys bring great fun and challenges, play also can be provided without spending much money. Play materials can come from many sources.

Children and teenagers learn by observing, listening, exploring, experimenting and asking questions.

Being interested, motivated and engaged in learning is important for children once they start school. It can also help if they understand why they’re learning something.

And as your child gets older, he’ll enjoy taking more responsibility for his learning, and getting more involved in making decisions about learning and organising activities.

Your role in your child’s learning 
Even if you think you don’t know much about learning and teaching, you are your child’s first teacher. Your child keeps learning from you over the years.

The move to primary school might have some challenges for both you and your child, and your support will help your child manage this change. If you’re positive about your child’s school experience, it’ll help your child feel positive too.One of the best ways to support your child’s learning and education is by building a good relationship with your child’s school, and communicating with your child’s teachers.

Learning in early primary school

Children learn in different ways – some learn by seeing, some by hearing, some by reading, some by doing.

And at this stage, children still learn through play. Plenty of unstructured, free playtime helps balance formal lessons at school and also gives children a chance to unwind after the routines and rules of school.

Children also learn by using objects in lots of different ways. When your child is experimenting, exploring and creating with a range of materials, she learns about problem-solving in situations where there are no set or ‘right’ answers.

Children aren’t born with social skills – they have to learn them, just like they have to learn to read and write. Giving your child chances to play with other children is a great way for him to develop the skills he needs to get on with others.

Your child’s community connections can offer valuable learning experiences too. For example, visiting the local shops, parks, playgrounds and libraries or walking in the areas around your home helps your child understand how communities work. As you and your child explore your community together, you can talk to her about interesting things that you see, or share things that you know.

If your family speaks a language other than English at home, this can be a great way for your child to grow up as a bilingual learner. Although learning two or more languages can be challenging for some children, it doesn’t harm or hold back their development. In fact, being a bilingual child can have a lot of advantages – for example, better reading and writing skills.When you give your child opportunities to learn in different ways, you and your child can both work out which way he learns best. And once you know how your child learns best, you can use this to help him with other areas of learning. For example, if he seems to learn best by seeing and doing, but needs to write a story for school, he might be able to make a comic strip to help him organise his ideas.

Tips for learning at primary school

Here are some practical tips for helping your primary school-age child learn:

  • Show an interest in what your child is doing and learning.
  • Play rhyming games, letter games, and shape and number games with your child, and practise taking turns in games and activities.
  • Use simple language, and play with words and word meanings – for example, you could clap out the syllables of words or play word association games.
  • Keep reading to your child even when she can read for herself.
  • Let your child hear and see lots of new words in books, on TV or in general conversation, and talk about what the words mean.
  • When your child shows you or tells you about something that he’s playing with, try to pause, give him your attention and ask a question or two.
  • Help your child discover what she’s good at by encouraging her to try lots of different activities.

When you’re helping your child learn, try to give him enough information in a way he can understand. For example, give a simple explanation that covers the main points, rather than a detailed one. If your child asks for more information, you can give him some details.

Learning in upper primary and secondary school

Your child will become more independent as she gets older. It might seem that she wants you to have less input into her learning, but she does still need your involvement and encouragement, just in different ways.

Even if your child is sharing less information with you, you can let your child know that you’re interested in what he’s learning by actively listening when he wants to talk. This sends the message that his learning is important to you, and that you’re available to help.

And when you talk with your child about what she’s learning, try to focus on how she’s learning about the topic, rather than on how much she knows. For example, you could say, ‘What was it like to work in a group to make that short film?’, rather than ‘What mark did you get for that film project?’.

Most children have one or two areas that they don’t enjoy as much, or aren’t as good at. As your child goes through secondary school, you could talk together about whether it’s an option to drop a subject he isn’t interested in. Your child’s teacher can also help you and your child decide if dropping certain subjects is a good idea.

Tips for learning at upper primary and secondary school

Here are some practical tips for helping your older school-age child learn:

  • Encourage your child to try new things, to make mistakes and to learn about who she is through new experiences. Put the focus on her attempts at something new, not on the success or failure of the result.
  • Show an interest in your child’s activities – for example, if he enjoys playing the drums, ask him about the music he’s playing and whether he’d like to play for you.
  • Watch news bulletins together and talk about what’s happening in the world.
  • Establish a routine of learning and good homework practice after school – for example, have your child do her homework at about the same time each day and in a particular area, away from distractions like the TV or a mobile phone.
  • Help your child develop or maintain a good sleep pattern.

Sometimes your child will need your emotional support for learning, as much as your practical help. You can support your child emotionally by:

  • sensing when he’s upset – for example, if he’s struggling with a task, ask him how it’s going
  • considering his point of view – for example, if he doesn’t want to continue with an activity, let him finish up and do something else
  • trusting his judgment – for example, if he thinks he’s ready to play a contact sport or try a new subject, let him have a go
  • accepting him as a person – this could mean appreciating that he’s strong in some areas of learning and not so strong in others
  • responding to his feelings – for example, sharing his excitement when he masters something new, and being supportive when he doesn’t
  • understanding what he’s going through – you could try thinking back to your own learning experiences, both the enjoyable ones and the challenging ones.
Posted in Kids

DOES HOMEWORK IMPROVE ACADEMIC ACHIEVEMENT?

Posted on by Tim Connolly

A poll conducted for the Associated Press earlier this year found that about 57 percent of parents felt their child was assigned about the right amount of homework. Another 23 percent thought it was too little, 19 percent thought it was too much.

Educators should be thrilled by these numbers. Pleasing a majority of parents regarding homework and having equal numbers of dissenters shouting “too much!” and “too little!” is about as good as they can hope for.

But opinions cannot tell us whether homework works; only research can, which is why my colleagues and I have conducted a combined analysis of dozens of homework studies to examine whether homework is beneficial and what amount of homework is appropriate for our children.

The homework question is best answered by comparing students who are assigned homework with students assigned no homework but who are similar in other ways. The results of such studies suggest that homework can improve students’ scores on the class tests that come at the end of a topic. Students assigned homework in 2nd grade did better on math, 3rd and 4th graders did better on English skills and vocabulary, 5th graders on social studies, 9th through 12th graders on American history, and 12th graders on Shakespeare.

Less authoritative are 12 studies that link the amount of homework to achievement, but control for lots of other factors that might influence this connection. These types of studies, often based on national samples of students, also find a positive link between time on homework and achievement.

Yet other studies simply correlate homework and achievement with no attempt to control for student differences. In 35 such studies, about 77 percent find the link between homework and achievement is positive. Most interesting, though, is these results suggest little or no relationship between homework and achievement for elementary school students.

Why might that be? Younger children have less developed study habits and are less able to tune out distractions at home. Studies also suggest that young students who are struggling in school take more time to complete homework assignments simply because these assignments are more difficult for them.

So, how much homework should students do? The National PTA and the NEA have a parent guide called “Helping Your Child Get the Most Out of Homework.” It states, “Most educators agree that for children in grades K-2, homework is more effective when it does not exceed 10-20 minutes each day; older children, in grades 3-6, can handle 30-60 minutes a day; in junior and senior high, the amount of homework will vary by subject….” Many school district policies state that high school students should expect about 30 minutes of homework for each academic course they take, a bit more for honors or advanced placement courses.

These recommendations are consistent with the conclusions reached by our analysis. Practice assignments do improve scores on class tests at all grade levels. A little amount of homework may help elementary school students build study habits. Homework for junior high students appears to reach the point of diminishing returns after about 90 minutes a night. For high school students, the positive line continues to climb until between 90 minutes and 2½ hours of homework a night, after which returns diminish.

Beyond achievement, proponents of homework argue that it can have many other beneficial effects. They claim it can help students develop good study habits so they are ready to grow as their cognitive capacities mature. It can help students recognize that learning can occur at home as well as at school. Homework can foster independent learning and responsible character traits. And it can give parents an opportunity to see what’s going on at school and let them express positive attitudes toward achievement.

Opponents of homework counter that it can also have negative effects. They argue it can lead to boredom with schoolwork, since all activities remain interesting only for so long. Homework can deny students access to leisure activities that also teach important life skills. Parents can get too involved in homework — pressuring their child and confusing him by using different instructional techniques than the teacher.

My feeling is that homework policies should prescribe amounts of homework consistent with the research evidence, but which also give individual schools and teachers some flexibility to take into account the unique needs and circumstances of their students and families. In general, teachers should avoid either extreme.

Posted in Kids

8 Ways to Teach Kids Self-Discipline Skills

Posted on by Tim Connolly

No matter which type of discipline you use with your child, the ultimate goal of your parenting strategy should be to teach your child self-discipline.

Self-discipline helps kids delay gratification, resist unhealthy temptations, and tolerate the discomfort needed to reach their long-term goals. From choosing to turn off the video game to work on homework, to resisting an extra cookie when Mom isn’t looking, self-discipline is the key to helping kids become responsible adults. 

It’s important to give kids the skills they need to develop self-discipline as well as an opportunity to practice making good choices. Here are eight things you can do to help your child learn and practice self-discipline.1

1. Provide Structure:-

Create a similar schedule every day and your child will get used to the routine. When she knows what she’s supposed to be doing, she’ll be less likely to get derailed by other activities.

A good morning routine helps kids know when it’s time to eat breakfast, comb their hair, brush their teeth, and get dressed.

A good after-school routine teaches kids how to divide their time between chores, homework, and fun activities. And a consistent bedtime routine will help kids settle down and fall asleep faster.

Keep your child’s routines simple. And with practice, your child will learn to implement the routine without your assistance.2

2. Explain the Reason Behind Your Rules:-

When it comes to helping kids learn how to make healthy choices, an authoritative approach is best because it helps kids understand the reasons for the rules.

Instead of saying, “Do your homework now because I said so,” explain the underlying reason for the rule. Say, “It’s a good choice to do your homework first and then have free time later, as a reward for getting your work done.”

This helps them to understand the underlying reasons for your rules. Instead of saying, “My mom said I have to do this,” your child will understand the rules serve a purpose. 

Of course, you don’t want to launch lengthy explanations or lectures that will bore your child. But a quick explanation about why you think certain choices are important can help your child understand choices better.3

3. Give Consequences:-

Sometimes, natural consequences can teach some of life’s greatest lessons.

A child who constantly forgets to grab his jacket as he runs out the door won’t learn if a parent always delivers his jacket to the school. Facing the natural consequences of his behavior (like feeling cold at recess) might help remember to get his coat next time.

At other times, kids need logical consequences. A child who plays too rough with his mother’s computer might learn to be gentler when he loses his computer privileges. Or a child who has trouble getting up in the morning may need an earlier bedtime that night.

It’s important to avoid power struggles. Trying to force your child to do something won’t teach self-discipline.

Explain what the negative consequences will be if your child makes a poor choice. Then, let your child make the choice.

Say, “If you don’t pick up your toys right now, you’ll need to go to time-out.” Follow through with a consequence if he doesn’t pick up, but don’t yell or try to force him into compliance.

Keep in mind that he needs to learn how to make healthy decisions on his own, by examining the potential consequences of his behavior.4

4. Shape Behavior One Step at a Time:-

Self-discipline is a process that takes years to hone and refine. Use age-appropriate discipline strategies to shape behavior one step at a time.

Instead of expecting a 6-year-old to suddenly be able to do his entire morning routine without any reminders, use a picture chart on the wall that depicts someone combing his hair, brushing his teeth, and getting dressed. You can even take pictures of your child doing these activities and create your own chart.

When necessary, provide reminders to your child to look at the chart until he is able to look at the chart and do each task on his own. Eventually, he’ll need fewer reminders and won’t require the chart as his self-discipline improves.

Any time your child is learning a new skill or gaining more independence, help him do so one small step at a time.5

5. Praise Good Behavior:-

Provide positive attention and praise whenever your child demonstrates self-discipline. Point out the good behavior you want to see more often.

For example, instead of saying “Good job not hitting your brother when you were mad,” say, “Good job using your words to solve the problem.”

Sometimes good behavior goes unnoticed and giving kids praise for making good choices increases the likelihood that they’ll repeat that behavior.

Provide praise when kids do things without requiring reminders. Say, “Great job sitting down to do your homework before I even told you to!” or “I’m so proud that you chose to clean your room today all on your own.”

Even saying, “Great job putting your dish in the sink when you were done eating,” can encourage a repeat performance.6

6. Teach Problem-Solving Skills:-

Teach problem-solving skills and work together to problem-solve specific issues related to self-discipline.

Sometimes, asking kids what they think would be helpful can be an eye-opening experience that can lead to creative solutions.

There may be a fairly simple solution to a behavior problem. A child who struggles to get dressed in time for school may benefit from having her outfit picked out the night before. Setting a timer for five minutes might also keep her on task.

More complex problems may require a series of trial and error type interventions.

A teenager who isn’t getting his homework done may need several changes before he becomes more motivated to get his work done on his own. Try removing a privilege. If that doesn’t work, try having him stay after school to see if he can get it done before he comes home.

Keep trying different solutions until you can find something that works while keeping him involved in the process.7

7. Model Self-Discipline:-

Kids learn best by watching adults. If your child sees you procrastinating or choosing to watch TV instead of doing the dishes, he’ll pick up on your habits.

Make it a priority to model self-discipline. Pay attention to areas where you might struggle with discipline.

Perhaps you spend too much money, eat too much, or lose your temper when you’re angry. Work on those areas and make it clear to your child that you seek to do better.8

8. Reward Good Behavior:-

A reward system can target specific behavior problems. A preschooler who struggles to stay in his own bed at night may benefit from a sticker chart to motivate him. An older child who struggles to do his homework on time and get his chores done may benefit from a token economy system.

Reward systems should be short-term. Phase them out as your child begins to gain self-discipline.

Keep in mind that there are plenty of rewards that don’t cost money. Use extra privileges, like electronics time, to motivate your child to become more responsible.

Posted in Kids

Ways to boost your child’s self-esteem

Posted on by Tim Connolly

Self-esteem refers to how we feel about ourselves — our value and worth in our own opinion. The higher our self-esteem, the more confident we are. The same holds true for children. Those with higher self-esteem are happier, more co-operative and open to new things, more secure and loving than those with low self-esteem.

~ Encourage your child

Honest encouragement is the quickest way to build a person’s self-esteem. Find some way to encourage your child every day. Make sure it is realistic and honest. Whenever possible, encourage your children to try something new, even if they are not successful at it. If need be, give them a task you know can be completed just so you can encourage them. Focus on the positive aspects of your child’s behavior. Even if you don’t like some of the behavior, find something positive to focus on.

~ Listen to your child

When your child shares something with you, give your undivided attention and listen carefully. It may be childish stuff to you, but it is very important to your child. Don’t offer advice unless it is asked for or if you feel your child’s safety is involved. Don’t ridicule or shame your children.

~ Show them they are important

Show your children what they do is important to you. Talk about their day’s activities, interests, and schoolwork. Get to know their friends. Attend their sports days, parent’s day at school, annual days or any other events they may be part of. Be available to support them always.

~ Give positive, accurate feedback

A comment such as, ‘You always scream while talking!’ will cause a child to start believing he or she doesn’t know how to speak politely. Instead, try something like ‘You were really angry, but I appreciate that you didn’t hit anyone.’ This acknowledges your child’s feelings and rewards the choices made, encouraging him or her to make the right choice again the next time.

~ Create a safe, nurturing home environment

A child who does not feel safe at home will suffer immensely from low self-esteem. A child who is exposed to parents who fight and argue repeatedly may become depressed and withdrawn. Always remember to respect your child and provide a happy environment.

~ Allow your child to help

Activities that encourage co-operation rather than competition are especially helpful in boosting self-esteem. For example, allowing your older child to help with a newborn baby or allowing your child to help you with simple household tasks will work wonders for the self-esteem.

~ Encourage spending time with other children

Invite children over and let your child decide what you should cook for them or the toys to be removed for sharing, etc. Look for activities with peers where your child can feel success and acceptance, such as participating in a sport or joining a class. Choose an activity that is appropriate for your child’s age. Let it be a fun time. These things will also teach your child basic social skills such as listening, taking turns while speaking, respect, co-operation and ways to make and maintain friendship.

~ Appreciate your child’s uniqueness

Don’t compare your child with siblings or even with any other child. All children are unique and have their own set of special abilities. Find your child’s strength and encourage him or her to build on that.

~ Let your child try

Even if your children have difficulty with a new task or skill, don’t quickly take over and show them how to do it. Be patient and let them try. If need be, you can break up a difficult task. Simple steps help children see progress when learning a complex skill. Don’t embarrass your children by asking them to do difficult tasks in front of other people. When your children are learning new skills that take practice, such as riding a bicycle, don’t expect perfection the first time. Encourage them to practice and talk about their improvement with each practice session.

~ Use language that builds self-esteem

Speak to children with phrases that build self-esteem, such as, ‘Thank you for helping,’ or ‘That was an excellent idea.’ Avoid using negative phrases that decrease self-esteem such as ‘How many times have I told you?’ or ‘Why are you so stupid?’

~ Encourage your child to be a thinker

Encourage children to be creative by exploring ideas with them that are fun and interesting. Take them for field trips to places of their interest. Take part in their excitement about what they see and enjoy.

~ Have realistic expectations and goals for your child

When parents expect their children to do more than their age and level of maturity permits, they are disappointed again and again, thus sending a message to their children to be disappointed in themselves. Having realistic expectations provides children with a sense of control over their lives. This goes hand-in-hand with self-esteem, which increases as they achieve success when realistic and achievable goals are completed.

To conclude, although building self-esteem is a lifelong process, the foundation of self-esteem is established in childhood. This foundation will make a child face any hurdle in life with courage and confidence.

Posted in Kids

The Powerful Psychology Behind Cleanliness By Kids

Posted on by Tim Connolly

The positive psychology behind organization:

Keeping things clean and organized is good for you, and science can prove it.

A study led by associate professor NiCole R. Keith, Ph.D., research scientist and professor at Indiana University, found that people with clean houses are healthier than people with messy houses. Keith and her colleagues tracked the physical health of 998 African Americans between the ages of 49 and 65, a demographic known to be at an increased risk for heart disease. Participants who kept their homes clean were healthier and more active than those who didn’t. In fact, house cleanliness was even more of a predictor for physical health than neighborhood walkability.

A 2010 study published in the scientific journal Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin used linguistic analysis software to measure the way 60 individuals discussed their homes. Women who described their living spaces as “cluttered” or full of “unfinished projects” were more likely to be depressed and fatigued than women who described their homes as “restful” and “restorative.” The researchers also found that women with cluttered homes expressed higher levels of the stress hormone cortisol.

In 2011, researchers at Princeton University found that clutter can actually make it more difficult to focus on a particular task. Specifically, they found that the visual cortex can be overwhelmed by task-irrelevant objects, making it harder to allocate attention and complete tasks efficiently.

A survey conducted by the National Sleep Foundation found that people who make their beds every morning are 19 percent more likely to report regularly getting a good night’s sleep. People who were surveyed also reported benefits from having clean sheets — specifically, 75 percent of people said they get a better night’s rest when their sheets are freshly cleaned because they feel more comfortable.

Maintaining an organized schedule and a list of short-term goals can help you stay in shape. A study in the Journal of Obesity found that people who carefully plan their exercise regimen, set goals and regularly record their progress are more likely to keep up an exercise program than people who show up at the gym without a clear plan in mind.article continues after advertisement

What makes staying organized so difficult?

If staying organized is so good for you, why doesn’t everyone do it?

1. You have too much clutter.

The problem: As we go through life, we pick up little (or big) objects that we don’t necessarily need. For instance, you might own a bag of fertilizer from back when you thought you’d start a garden. You might have a collection of old birthday cards or a waffle iron on your kitchen counter that you never use. These objects take up space that could be better used by other, more necessary items.

The solution: Getting rid of clutter can be difficult, especially since we often attach emotional feelings to old objects. Try your best to donate or throw away your clutter. If you’re afraid to let certain things go, try taking photographs of them so that you’ll always have a physical reminder. You might also find new places to store these objects as your house becomes more organized.

2. You don’t have enough time.

The problem: Organizing just one room takes a LOT of time. When faced with the prospect of organizing your entire home, you might be tempted to give up before you start. How are you supposed to keep up with your career, your family and your hobbies if you’re spending all of your time cleaning? Unfortunately, when your home is disorganized, you work less efficiently, giving you even less free time. It can become a vicious cycle.article continues after advertisement

The solution: As with any daunting project, take things one step at a time. Spend 30 minutes a day on cleaning and organization. If you don’t have time for that, try 15 minutes. If you don’t have time for that, try 10 minutes. The website make Your Habitat (sometimes called Unfilth Your Habitat) is a fun, helpful way to break down chores into small bites.

3. You forget how nice it feels to be organized.

The problem: Few things are more satisfying than entering a perfectly clean home. Unfortunately, once your house is clean, it becomes easier to slip into bad habits. You might be tempted to leave your jacket on the floor because going to the coat rack feels like too much work. Or you might squeeze a book into an overcrowded bookshelf, because what’s one book anyway? Soon enough, your home will be just as disorganized as before.

The solution: Look at organization porn. Read an anti-clutter blog. Remember this article. People who keep their homes clean and organized are healthier, both physically and mentally. Spending the time and effort to keep your space clean is well worth it.

Why do we love organization?

The human body is made up of tens of thousands of integrated biological and neurochemical systems, all of which are — yes — organized. Many of our cells operate on strict schedules, or circadian rhythms. Even at the atomic level, we are well-regulated and well-organized. Without this organization, our bodies would collapse into chaos.article continues after advertisement

It wouldn’t be surprising, then, if the reason we crave symmetry and cleanliness in our homes is to mirror the organization within our very own bodies. Neatness and order support health — and oppose chaos.

Regardless of the why, however, it’s clear that staying clean and organized is a good thing. It helps us feel better about ourselves, it keeps us productive and it may very well keep us physically fit. The next time we bemoan having to clean our home, let’s try to keep these things in mind. We’ll feel much better when everything is organized.

Posted in Discipline in kids

6 Secrets of Highly Effective Discipline From a Seasoned Teacher

Posted on by Tim Connolly

Have you noticed how kids behave differently at school than at home?

As an early education teacher, one of the most common questions I get from parents when they see their kids voluntarily cleaning up the classroom or sharing happily with other kids is.

Today, I’d like to share with you the 6 secrets of highly effective discipline –

#1: Effective discipline is NOT about punishment!

Discipline comes from the Latin word “disciplinare”, which means, “to teach.”

I’m completely aware of Merriam-Webster’s definition as “punishment” and it is why so many parents dread being the disciplinarian, but discipline that actually works is NEVER about punishment.

Discipline is simply a way to guide and manage a child’s behavior.

Discipline is based on the quality of a child’s relationship with the care provider (a teacher in the classroom; mom and dad at home). When a child receives consistent response from a caring adult, trust, deep attachment and a sense of being wanted develops. This forms the foundation of good behavior and effective discipline.

The key is to ensure that these relationships are respectful, responsive and reciprocal.

As a teacher I understood establishing a daily routine and frequent communication was vital to developing respectful and meaningful relationships which directly affect behavior and a child’s ability to learn.

For instance, as children arrive into my classroom, I always make sure to greet them at the door; just as they greet me.  I’m never “busy” planning curriculum, checking attendance or talking, texting or tinkering with my phone at drop off and pick up times. To take no notice of a child left in my care would send a message saying, “You’re not worth my time” which begins a cycle of mistrust.

At home, one way I put being respectful, responsive and reciprocal into practice is by setting my alarm clock 30 minutes before my daughter needs to start getting ready for school. Not so I can begin my day with peace and quiet, but so I can wake her gently.

First I turn on the light and call out her name and announce it is time to start thinking about getting up. After two or three minutes, I go to her room again, pull the covers and hair away from her face and tell her “it’s time to start getting up.” She’ll usually mutter along the lines of “I am trying” with her arms wrapped around my waist and her head buried in my stomach. I give her a big squeeze and a smooch on top of her head and tell her “go to the bathroom.”

In a few minutes I go into the bathroom to find her mostly asleep on the toilet, with her elbows on her knees and her head in her hands.  I call out to her again “wake up and brush your teeth” and she rises from her throne before I head downstairs to make her lunch.

I can hear the resounding “AIN’T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT!” echoing in my head, but how would you react if your partner came running into your room quarter past 7, hollering for you to get up, tearing the blankets off of you, pulling you out of bed and shoving you into the bathroom? I know in my house there would definitely be a fight.

My daughter isn’t trying to be difficult. Nor is she spoiled and she certainly doesn’t stay up late. She just needs some time in the mornings before she is ready to take on the day.

When I adjust my expectations according to that instead of punishing her, things go a lot smoother.

#2: Effective discipline is about positive reinforcement

Positive reinforcement comes in many flavors: smiling, sharing a high five and giving effective praise.

In the classroom, I’ve noticed that effective praise is selective, specific, encouraging and positive. It avoids comparisons and competition. It compares a child’s progress with his/her past performance rather than with other children and it’s delivered in a caring, natural tone of voice.  Believe me children know when you’re just blowing smoke.

Also, I try to avoid using blanket phrases like “good job”, or “good girl/boy” and be specific about the action or observed good behavior.

The most effective of all techniques though is to catch children being good or in an act of kindness. The reward and acknowledgement will be more genuine than if your child runs up to you and exclaims he cleaned his room or shared his cookie with his baby sister.

When an older child tied the shoes of a younger child in my class I was all over it; I told him what he did was caring and kind. Then I drew attention to the facial expression of the girl he helped; she was smiling. When I asked her how she felt she replied “Good”.

At home this translates to making sure we stay away from comparison between siblings, calling names or using labels and copping out using standby phrases like “good job”.

Positive reinforcement can also be tangible; for example stickers, prizes and charts, but use it only as a last resort and for a short amount of time.

#3: Effective discipline is about modeling the right behavior

In addition to offering positive reinforcement, modeling appropriate behavior is equally important. Be mindful of what you say and how you say it —  not just when you are talking to your child, but when dealing with others as well.

Modeling provides visual clues to what acceptable behavior is and indirectly reinforces the appropriate way to act.

Consider for example what happens in your car. Suppose you’re driving down the highway when suddenly you notice the car behind you is barely inches from your bumper, then the driver begins flashing the high beam and leaning on the horn.

Most people would let loose a slew of obscenities, jam on the brake and maybe throw up a “friendly” hand gesture, but suppose instead you slowdown in an attempt to get the aggressive driver pass you or you change lanes and let the hurried driver pass.

The first scenario can be confusing to your child if you’re always reminding them to “use nice words” and showing joy when you catch them using nice words. What is being demonstrated is the opposite — a lack of self-control — and conveys that you don’t have to use nice words when you’re angry. The second scenario demonstrates proper problem solving skills by remaining calm and not endangering others on the road despite being angry.

One of my worst habits in the toddler room was sitting on tables and other furniture  (because infant/toddler furniture is infant/toddler sized). I wasn’t aware I was doing it until I found myself in a full blown conversation with a tot sitting beside me on a shelf. And even though climbing is important to gross motor development at this stage, climbing furniture isn’t something that I want to encourage my kids to do (especially if I’m not there to provide the necessary supervision!)

#4: Effective discipline is about providing the right guidance

When you guide your kids, always be direct. Give reasons and explanations for rules (keep it simplefor young children).

And always, make sure directions and requests state what to do opposed to what not to do.

For instance, in my classroom, I focus on reminding children to “walk their feet” and explaining how walking keeps them from getting hurt, instead of just saying “don’t run”. It will help to drive the notion home if you retell a story of when your child was running and got hurt.

I even speak to my teenager in a similar way. For example “It’s late and you have practice in the morning. You should get to bed in 15 minutes so you won’t be too tired. Last weekend you were late because you overslept.”  Sometimes he does go up on his own. Sometimes 15 minutes pass and I need to jog his memory again. But he hardly ever gives me a hard time.

#5: Prevention is the most effective form of discipline

This kind of “discipline” in my opinion is what will preserve your sanity.  Why would I tell my baby to stay off the stairs a million times a day when I can install a safety gate? Or make extra work for myself lifting children to the sink every time they need to wash their hands, whereas placing a stool at the sink will allow them to access the soap, water and paper towels themselves.

Prevention not only is a great form of discipline but also supports self-help skills and builds self-esteem.

An important aspect of  prevention is planning. Don’t go grocery shopping with your toddler during a time he normally rests. Do not abruptly interrupt play (or other activity) and expect your child to cooperatively and quickly get ready to leave so you can try to be on time for your appointment that’s in 20 minutes, on the other side of town.

Also, be proactive. If there are specific shows or channels you don’t want your child watching set parental codes on your TV. The same can be done on computers and mobile devices.

Being proactive prevents most arguments and negotiating, allowing you to spend more quality time with your child, instead of putting out fires all day long.

Here are a few more tips to embrace the prevention attitude:

  • Avoid speaking to your child from across the room or the playground – it’s easy for them to not hear you or ignore you, and that can result in unnecessary issues.
  • Give children as much notice as possible when changing activities, leaving the house and a change in the schedule. At school, five minutes before I need children to start cleaning up to transition to the next activity, I tell them “In five minutes we’ll start cleaning up so we can do music time”. Similarly at home before heading out to pick up my older kids from school, I tell my younger ones “In five minutes you need to put away the crayons and we’re going to get sister and brother.”
  • Young children are concrete, literal thinkers and the concept of time is way too abstract for them to grasp. Try setting a timer or pointing to where the minute hand on the clock will be at clean- up time. Alternatively you can completely avoid time and use a different format that they can grasp — for instance, if you were leaving the park you might say, “Two more times down the slide and then we are leaving”

And sometimes, you just need to walk away and let another adult handle the situation to prevent it from escalating.

I will never forget my first experience with a child who had a behavioral disorder. He wasn’t able to lie down on a cot and rest. He spent rest time at a table usually working on jigsaw puzzles (he was a puzzle machine!) and helping with tasks such as sorting toys and games.

However…… rest time is also used to give staff breaks and when teachers do most of their planning. This child would constantly interrupt me while talking with parents or other staff. He begged and pleaded for my undivided attention and company.  It began to disturb the rest of the other children and he would call to them to leave their cots and come play with him.

Eventually the other teachers and I decided that I should take my break at the beginning of rest time while the other teachers helped the children who wanted to rest go down. (This was hard for me because rest time is my favorite time to get in one-on-one interactions). Then when I returned (provided he had been behaving while I was gone) I would spend about 20-30 minutes with him working on a puzzle or playing a quiet game of Uno.

As a parent, you  need to seek out a similar support system, so you can periodically step away from a situation and let another responsible adult (the other parent, grand parent, nanny, baby sitter etc.) take over.

#6: When all else fails, use Time-ins

“Time-ins” are helpful for children school aged and younger. Time-ins are similar to a “time out” in the sense they both remove the child from a situation that causing them distress or harm. The difference however is huge. Instead of sitting students down at an empty table alone feeling bad about himself I created several spaces in my classroom where child could go to or be brought to when feelings become so overwhelming they interfere with the problem solving process.

These areas were private, cozy spaces in the nooks and crannies of my classroom that included soft, over-sized pillows, a class photo album, a small selection of books and quiet objects such as sensory or calming jars, Magana-doodle-esque boards and boxes sorted by themes of quiet, calming activities like magna-tiles or puppets.

Same as a time-out, a time-in should only last one minute per year of life (unless the child chooses to stay longer).

When the time is up I ask the child if he knows why he had to be separated from the group, then I help him think of better ways he could have solved the problem instead.

At home I have a similar space in my living room and in the two younger children’s bedroom because they share.

The above methods and examples meet a child’s/children’s basic needs, provide opportunities for learning and development and improve competence and confidence.

Negative reinforcement, such as spanking or time-out only seem to work at first because of shock value and over time it becomes less effective.

So there you have it – classroom discipline secrets that are as effective at home.

As you try them out, keep in mind that behavior doesn’t change overnight. Teachers like me work with scores of children on a daily basis. And still, discipline is something that takes us years of studying, practicing and reflecting to get a handle on.

As parents, it can be a lot more difficult. Give yourself a lot of grace. Get support; allow your partner, family and friends to pitch in and always remember to take time out to recharge your batteries.

Posted in Kids

How Much Does Your Kid Weigh? Chances Are, You’re Underestimating

Posted on by Tim Connolly

Parents and doctors often overlook how overweight kids are, which could leave youngsters at increased risk for health problems linked to excess weight, British researchers say.

They reviewed 87 studies that included nearly 25,000 children, age 19 and younger, and their parents.

The researchers found that 55% of parents underestimated how much excess weight their children were carrying, and 34% of kids underestimated their own weight. Even health care providers sometimes missed the mark.

Parents of younger kids were less likely to recognize a weight problem, and were less accurate at gauging boys’ weight than girls’.

Overweight parents and those with less education were more likely to underestimate their child’s weight problem.

In some of the studies reviewed, parents often described their children as big-boned, thick or solid, and they demonstrated a strong desire to avoid labeling their child obese.

The research review is to be presented Saturday at the European Congress on Obesity (ECO) in Glasgow, Scotland. Studies presented at meetings are typically considered preliminary until published in a peer-reviewed journal.

This research dovetails with a 10-fold increase over four decades in the number of obese children and teens worldwide — from 5 million girls in 1975 to 50 million in 2016, and from 6 million to 74 million boys.

“Despite attempts to raise public awareness of the obesity problem, our findings indicate that underestimation of child higher weight status is very common,” study leader Abrar Alshahrani said in a meeting news release. Alshahrani is a doctoral candidate in nutritional science at the University of Nottingham in England.

The researchers called the disconnect troubling, because the first step in addressing a weight problem is a mutual recognition by families and health care providers that a problem exists.

“Our study also found a tendency for health professionals to underestimate weight, which suggests that overweight children may not be offered the support they need to ensure good health,” Alshahrani said.

Identifying weight problems in childhood and the teen years can have a lifetime health impact, the authors noted.

“Addressing the factors which lead to inaccuracy in assessing child weight will have a positive impact on communication between children, parents, and health professionals, and aid the mutual recognition of children’s higher weight status,” Alshahrani said.

Posted in Parenting

Most parents say hands-on, intensive parenting is best

Posted on by Tim Connolly

Most parents say a child-centered, time-intensive approach to parenting is the best way to raise their kids, regardless of education, income or race.

New research from Cornell University suggests intensive parenting has become the dominant model for how parents across the socio-economic spectrum feel children should be raised, regardless of whether the parent has the resources to actually do so.

“This points to the exceptionally high standards for how parents should raise their kids,” said postdoctoral fellow Patrick Ishizuka, author of “Social Class, Gender and Contemporary Parenting Standards in the United States,” published in Social Forces. “It suggests that parents are experiencing significant pressure to spend great amounts of both time and money on children.”

Most parents said intensive parenting is the ideal approach for both mothers and fathers, and applies to parenting boys and girls, according to the study.

Field researchers have known that parents with low incomes and less education tend to spend less time and money on children than those with higher incomes and more education. But it hadn’t been clear whether that is because they lack resources or because they prefer a different approach to childbearing.

Ishizuka’s study is the first to directly address the question using a nationally representative survey, asking parents of different social classes what they consider to be “good parenting.” He analyzed data from more than 3,600 study participants who were parents.

The vast majority, 75 percent, of college graduates and non-college graduates rated an intensive approach as “very good” or “excellent” parenting.

The findings imply parents may struggle to meet these ideals, especially if they have low incomes and education levels. You should teach your kids by taking help from Point-system for kids which would help you to develop a healthy and happy child.

Posted in Parenting

12 Ways to Ensure Your Kid is More Important Than Your Phone

Posted on by Tim Connolly

Parents don’t need more guilt. That’s not what this article is about.

We know we shouldn’t spend too much time on our smartphones in front of our kids. We’ve read articles like “For The Children’s Sake, Put Down That Smartphone,” and “Children reveal ‘hidden sadness’ of parents spending too much time on mobile phones.”

But you probably already feel a tinge of guilt when you think of this topic. I know I do.

We parents are beginning to admit that we’re as concerned about our screen time as we’re concerned about our kids’ screen time.

Unlike our kids, however, we actually have reasons for looking at screens all day.

We have email, schedules, research, updates, shopping, messaging, mapping, planning – sometimes even calling.

Let’s admit it – again, without guilt or judgment – we also look at our screens for entertainment and distraction. Those are parental needs too.

Our phone dependence is a symptom of busy lives, busy work, restless minds. But the devices themselves are rigged against us. Intentionally or not, their design can trigger addiction-like behaviors in many people. As noted on Quartz,“Still, there’s plenty of research out there describing the dopamine effect—a neurotransmitter that sends pulses to your brain’s reward and pleasure centers with every new text or tweet—and the widespread addiction to that momentary pleasure, which has been compared to cravings for nicotine, cocaine, and gambling.”

Indeed, according to this recent Gallup poll, “about half of U.S. smartphone owners check their devices several times an hour or more frequently.”

The attention we devote to our phones has a measurable impact on our health, wellbeing, and social and family relationships.

Psychology professor Larry Rosen has shown that “if there’s a phone around—even if it’s someone else’s phone—its presence tends to make people anxious and perform more poorly on tasks.”Volume 0% FEATURED VIDEO ALL OUR VIDEOS

Staring at our phones gives us tech neck, it can spike stress, it can disrupt sleep patterns, it can lead to distractedness and irritability, and it may even trigger depressive symptoms in some people.

The intense attention we devote to our smartphones has a major, measurable impact on our health, wellbeing, and social and family relationships.

But in a family situation, the greatest problem might be “technoference” with our relationships with our spouse and kids.

Kids can feel that we’re more interested in our phones than we are interested in them.

The good news is that this is a fixable problem. For most people, it’s simply a matter of admitting to the issue, and making a simple plan with the rest of the family.

Help Your Kids Develop Healthy Habits by Improving Your Tech Habits

David Hill of the American Academy of Pediatrics said that positive parenting practices around technology include role-modeling.

“Demonstrate your own mindfulness in front of your children by putting down your phone during meals or whenever they need your attention.” – David Hill

Here are some ideas to help you create healthy phone boundaries.Boundaries that your kid might inherit and follow outside of your home, and may even pass down to their own kids someday.

 1 ) Take Stock of Your Actual Phone Needs 

Tim Harford writes that “smartphones are habit-forming, so think about the habits you want to form.”

Every parent has unique technology-related needs. Many of us legitimately need to get on our phones. But most of us get on the phone in front of our kids more than we need to.

It’s useful to write a list of your important everyday phone activities. This list will be slightly different for every parent. What activities are critical for your job vs those that are fun and refreshing?

Use this list to make time to check your phone without interrupting family moments. Account for work and play on your phone – you need both.

Reassert control over your phone by figuring out how you actually use it. Don’t let it use you.

 2) Involve the Kids in a Family Discussion About Appropriate Smartphone Use 

Even young kids can contribute to a discussion about phone use around the house. This will help them understand why you occasionally need to get on the phone. It will also help them understand why you set rules on their technology usage.

David Hill of the American Academy of Pediatrics also suggests involving kids in making rules around media.Ask them what they think appropriate electronic media use looks like and what sorts of consequences might be warranted for breaking the agreed-upon rules. You may have to help guide them in these discussions, but often you’ll find that they have expectations that are not that different from your own.

 3) Write and Post Smartphone Rules Where Everyone Can See Them 

This can be a rambling manifesto, but it’s better if it’s a simple, short list posted on the fridge.Again, they’ll be different for every family, but examples might include:

  • No phones out for the first hour after coming home
  • No phones out until the kids are in bed
  • No phones out during meals
  • No phones out during a family movie (the hardest one for me – kids’ movies are terrible).

 4) Give Kids Ten Minutes of Undivided Positive Attention 

One of my favorite family tips of all time comes from my friend Sarah Woodard, who learned about it from  Amy McCready of Positive Parenting Solutions.

It’s simple: give your kids 10 minutes of pure, undivided attention twice a day. This means you go into their world talking with them or playing with them with no interruptions. This supports positive attention and emotional connection, and it’s very doable. 10 minutes. Try it for a couple of weeks.

To make an effort to spend a mere 10 minutes of undivided time with your kid seems ridiculous.But for many (maybe most) parents, intentional time spent together can be surprisingly rare.

 5) Understand, Admit, & Overcome FOMO 

FOMO (fear of missing out) can cause real anxiety. It can make people use their phone to check up with their connections much more than is healthy, or necessary.

You’re best equipped to deal with FOMO by being honest about it. 

 6) Consider Your Habit Triggers 

In The Power of Habit, Charles Duhigg wrote  “Most of the choices we make every day may feel like the products of well-considered decision making, but they’re not.”

We automatically reach for our phones in certain situations. Try to pay attention to these cues or triggers. When do you automatically reach for your phone? What can you do differently during those times, besides look at your phone?  Or how can you change the way you’re using your phone in those moments to include your kids?Charles Duhigg also wrote “The Golden Rule of Habit Change: You can’t extinguish a bad habit, you can only change it.”

If might not be a bad thing of you read the news on your phone at breakfast in front of your kids – if you occasionally share something of interest with them. Kind of like the old days with the newspaper.

“Change might not be fast and it isn’t always easy. But with time and effort, almost any habit can be reshaped.” – Charles Duhigg

 7) Designate a Box or Drawer Where You’ll Stash Your Phone During Phone-Free Time 

 8) Put the Phone On Silent During Set Times 

 9) Turn off Notifications 

  • iOS Instructions
  • Android Instructions

 10) Use “Do Not Disturb” on Your Phone During Family Time 

It’s easy to silence calls, alerts, and notifications on many iOS and Android phones while the device is locked. You can also schedule a time or choose who you’ll allow calls from.

  • How to set up Do Not Disturb on iOS
  • Android phones with Marshmallow also have a “Do Not Disturb” feature

 11) Make your device faster and more efficient to use 

You can spend less time on your phone simply by better organizing your apps.

  • Use a service like Unroll.me to unsubscribe to some of the email subscriptions you have to wade through just to check your important mail.
  • Rearrange your apps for greater efficiency.
  • Delete apps that waste your time. Easier said than done, but I’m glad I recently did this every time I use my phone.

 12) Use An App To Monitor Usage 

CHECKY is a simple app that tells you how many times a day do you check your phone. You’ll be surprised.

Moment is an iOS app that automatically tracks how much you use your iPhone and iPad each day.If you’re using your phone too much, you can set daily limits on yourself and be notified when you go over.You can even force yourself off your device when you’re over your limit. There are many bedtime stories to read for your children which leads to developing a good relationship with them.