Tag: Parenting

The autonomy and career capital that come with executive roles help you delegate on the job. You often have the resources to be strategic at home too — and the organizational skills to pull it all off. Professional women with four or more children share their secrets for managing life, secrets that can help any parent (dads too!) succeed.

1. What’s good for the family is good for each kid. 

If you have a large family, you’re managing a complex organization. “I started to realize I’m leading at work, and I’m leading at home, and the skill set is no different,” says Liz Wiseman, a former Oracle executive, entrepreneur, and mom of four. Leadership means being focused on the whole, particularly in managing children’s lives. Women handled potential extra-curricular craziness two ways. First, “We make them all do the same thing,” says Jaime Teevan, a researcher with Microsoft Research and a professor at the University of Washington, who has a 6-year-old, 8-year-old twins, and a 10-year-old. Tuesdays, her boys all do judo at the same time. She meets a girlfriend for happy hour at a brewery across the street. Net result? “I look forward to judo. It’s awesome.”

The other approach is to choose your location wisely. Mary Crotty, assistant general counsel at Pfizer and a mother of eight, lives in Pelham, NY, in a part of town where “a lot of the things are actually walkable,” she says. Jenny Dearborn, chief learning officer at SAP, and a mom of four, says that this is the upside of California: “We live in a part of the world where the weather permits them to go to places on their bikes.”

2. Enlist the village. 

Crotty’s children are close enough in age that with sports “a lot of times they would end up on the same team.” Even so, it’s impossible for two parents to get eight kids to everything, so “I have a lot of wonderful people in town who always help us out,” she says.

3. Embrace work/life integration.

 Lisa Lacasse is the vice president for strategy and operations at the American Cancer Society Cancer Action Network. She also has four teenagers. “I just do everything all the time,” she says. “I’ll go to work and spend 20 minutes during downtime finalizing logistics for summer camp.” She works the hours that work for her, coming in a little later if she’s got a school event, and then making up the time elsewhere. “I’ve never asked permission for the flexibility of my job,” she says. In life, it’s sometimes better to ask for forgiveness, which may not be necessary if you do good work. “I think women in particular need to feel more empowered to do that,” she says. “No one ever told me to do it, I just did.”

4. Prioritize self care.

 Managing a big career and a big family takes energy. So smart women manage their own energy like they’d manage an important direct report. Sleep is one necessary component. “I’d love to stay up late and do something great, but I go to sleep early and wake up again,” says Liess. Exercise also helps, and you can be creative about fitting it in. Crotty will exercise at 10 p.m. “That’s the time I can finally get to the gym,” she says. “I can always get a parking spot!”

Dearborn manages her early shift and late shift by exercising strategically during what would be an afternoon slump. “Exercise in the middle of the day gives me the boost to get through the end of the day,” she says.

5. Build your team at work. 

Lisa Barton, executive vice president at AEP Transmission, whose blended family consists of five daughters, stresses that work success is all about “investing time in others. That seems counterintuitive to a busy lifestyle, but I think it’s incredibly important. You end up lightening your load and end up giving people the opportunity to be successful, which they really enjoy.” When you can’t delegate, collaborate. “Two people don’t only get half the credit,” says Teevan. “You get almost the whole credit and you only do half the work.”

Seek sponsors and allies too. Crotty notes that her (female) boss encouraged her to seek promotions even with all her responsibilities, and gave her the flexibility to make it work. Wiseman came back from her first maternity leave and figured out that “I can’t solve my problems by working harder anymore. I have to solve them by being thoughtful.” She talked with her (male) boss who said, basically, tell me what you need. “I always felt like I had an ally,” she says, and as she built her career, “For me, it was important that those allies were men.” Many times, men are the ones in powerful positions, and have the capital to help you. It is important for parents to explain government to kids and all the important facts about what is going on in their country.

Much of our frustration and failure in productivity comes from the recurring, mundane, daily must-dos of life. These little, repeating tasks seem so unimportant that we often overlook them. When overlooked, however, these small tasks can add up to pretty big losses in productivity.

Systems help us to deal with the recurring stuff of life; we don’t want to, or need to, eliminate these things. We simply want to make them more efficient. Think “streamlining.” Think “simplifying.”

Think “having a plan for breakfast so you don’t have to run out for milk at [7:30] in the morning when your kids are starving.”

Think systems.

Whether we realize it or not, we depend on systems. This is true in parenting as in all of life. The better our systems are, the easier – and more productive – our lives will be.

Systems Are Everywhere

There’s a system you follow for getting dressed in the morning, for making sure you eat daily, for doing your work.

These may not be the most efficient systems, but they work to some degree.

When you’re a parent, you are responsible not only for the stuff of your own life but also for your child’s life… at least, up until a certain age when we hope that they start taking that responsibility for themselves.

The more responsibilities you have, the more complicated life becomes. The more complicated life becomes, the more overwhelmed, stressed, and frustrated we get.

Systems help to reduce the complication.

Sure, you can spend ten minutes every morning scratching your head over what you’re going to make for breakfast that both you and your child will eat – that’s an inefficient breakfast system – or you can build an efficient breakfast system that will save you time and frustration.

Once we start seeing the systems that make up our lives, we can start changing them for the better.

We can change them from the default setting, which is usually inefficient and frustrating. We can consciously and carefully build streamlined, flexible, and enjoyable systems.

That can make life better for us and for our kids.

Where to Start

Start looking for the systems in your life as they already exist. Don’t judge. Don’t stress. Just notice.

As you notice your own systems, you’ll also start to notice where they break down or become frustrating and inefficient.

As you see where your current systems fail, you can start to decide if you need to level it and build a brand-new system, or simply tweak your current one a little bit so it’s working for you.

Where Is the Pain?

Regular pain points in your life are often signs of broken, inefficient, and/or out-dated systems.

What are the areas in your life that fit one or more of these descriptions?

• This area is a source of continual frustration for me and/or my child.
• This area is one that I often avoid, consciously or unconsciously, by procrastinating or creating obstacles and distractions.
• This area is one that is necessary in daily life, but it always seems to take too long and be too complicated.
• This area is a continual drain of my time, money, or other resources.
• This area seems to continually create conflicts between the people involved.

For parents in general, and parents who are interested in productivity especially, the following areas are common issues:

• “Kid clutter”: toys, clothes, and general stuff that collects and gets left everywhere.
• Transition times: coming and going anywhere, especially on a schedule.
• Meal times.
• Bed/nap times.
• Having your own personal/adult time.
• Keeping up with regular work demands.
• Keeping up with household chores such as laundry and cleaning.
• Having time for hobbies, exercise, personal life, social life, etc., while also being a parent and staying productive.

Do any of those areas strike a chord of pain in you?

An Example of a Bad System

Let’s take “kid clutter” as an example. I have four kids; the oldest is 8. I am continually picking up dirty socks, muddy shoes, balls, Legos, game pieces, paper scraps, and markers and putting them where they belong.

For a while, I thought I just didn’t have a good enough system for storing and organizing this stuff.

But I do, really. There are designated places for all of these things. My kids know where things go.

The problem was not the storage system, but the “getting stuff back where it belongs” system. Was there a system already in place? Sure. It was a very basic but effective one: the old “Kids drop stuff wherever they want and Mom goes around and picks it all up” system.

It was pretty efficient for my kids, but not for me.

A Better System Starts with a Goal

A better system starts with one simple question: what is the point of the system?

The goal of a system determines how you build the system. So before you can build a better system, examine your goal.

In the “kid clutter” example, if my goal is merely to have a clutter-free area, then the system is working. I’m putting away the clutter.

But that isn’t the goal.

The goal is to get my kids to put their own stuff away, so that

a) I can do other stuff and;

b) We can have a clutter-free (or at least clutter-reduced) home.

Components of a Better System

Let’s take a look at some common system components.

• Goal. As discussed above, what is the point of the system? What behavior are you trying to produce? What is the desired output of the system? Figure this out first, as it will direct the entire system.
• People. Who’s involved? Who does the work? Who maintains the system? Who needs to know about the system? Who is a threat to the system?
• Capability. This includes both the mental ability (knowledge, memory) and the physical ability to use the system. There’s no point in asking my kids to put their toys away on a shelf they can’t reach.
• Resources & Supplies. Resources are the reusable parts or tools in a system, e.g., a hammer. The supplies are the consumables, e.g., nails. Resources have to be maintained. Supplies have to be restocked. Both resources and supplies need to be organized in a defined space.
• Space. What area does the system cover? Is it a portable or a fixed system? What space is designated for storing the system’s supplies and resources?
• Methods. What are the steps in the system? What behavior is required from system users?
• Prompting. What activates the system? Is it a certain time (schedule-initiated) or is it linked to another event or habit?
• Tracking. How do you know the system is working? Tracking can be very simple. It can be an accountability set-up, a part of your daily or weekly review, or a scheduled look at the system to judge if the system is meeting its goal.

Build, Implement, and Adjust

To start using systems consciously in your life as a productive parent, the first step is to identify the system you need to build.

Then you build it.

Start by defining the goal. Then go through each component on the list above, defining and organizing what your system requires. It’s best if you write it all down so you can have something to reference.

Next you implement the system.

Start using it. Make sure all the components are in place. Don’t try to use a half-built system. Wait until you have what you need. It doesn’t have to be perfect, or perfectly arranged, but it does need to be complete. Otherwise it will break at that missing piece and you will become frustrated with the system.

Use your system consistently for at least a week.

Then adjust it.

Usually we won’t get our systems right the first time through. We’ll use them, and realize that as an example, steps 5 through 7 of the system can be eliminated, or that the space we’ve set aside really isn’t adequate, or something like that.

After a week of consistent use, review your system. Is it working? Is it reaching the goal?

Can it be simplified, streamlined, improved?

Do the tweaking now, then use it again consistently for a designated period of time before you review and adjust it again.

Remember that every new system will have a learning curve with it. Don’t give up on a system just because it is new, unfamiliar, and a little bit difficult at first.

As you get familiar with your system, you will be able to see how to improve and you will be able to use it – and teach it – almost effortlessly.

What areas in your life as a productive parent would benefit from a good system?

You can get all the knowledge about economics for kids and can easily teach your kids about financial management and how to manage their money in future..

On Jan. 21, in a collective demonstration of historic proportions, millions of women marched in Washington, D.C. and other cities around the world in support of key policy issues such as reproductive rights, equal pay for equal work and support for balancing work and family.

These marches demonstrated the empowerment of women and a widespread commitment to ensuring that women’s rights are furthered – and not eroded – by policymakers. But policy is not the only arena that affects women’s freedoms and well-being.

If equality begins at home, how much progress has been made toward equality in parenting?

The day after the march, The New York Times published an article that described a scene in Montclair, New Jersey, showing what happened when women were absent from town. The article narrated how women’s absence resulted in empty yoga classes, Starbucks cafes populated by men and hapless fathers struggling to juggle children’s weekend schedules.

In other words, as its critics pointed out, the article reinforced the outdated notion that mothers are the primary parents and fathers are (at best) mere helpers and incapable of caring for children independently.

My research focuses on the sharing of parenting between mothers and fathers in dual-earner couples – a group that is most likely to hold gender egalitarian beliefs. In this group, successfully balancing work and family makes some degree of shared parenting necessary.

My research and that of others shows that even though significant progress has been made toward gender equality in parenting, more subtle inequalities remain. Many fathers – even those in the households most likely to have progressive views on parenting – have not achieved equality with mothers in key areas.

Men’s parenting time has increased, but women’s has too

It is true that today’s fathers are more involved in parenting children than ever before. Over the past half-century, fathers in America nearly tripled their child care time from 2.5 hours per week in 1965 to seven hours per week in 2011.

But, over this period, women’s parenting time too has increased – from 10 hours per week in 1965 to 14 hours per week in 2011. This has resulted in a smaller but persistent gap in the time mothers and fathers spend on parenting.

This gap starts in the earliest months of parenthood. Using detailed daily records of new parents’ activities, my team’s research has shown that working mothers take on a greater share of the child care burden for a new baby than do fathers. In fact, new mothers allocated twice as much of their available time to routine child care activities than fathers.

When considering time spent in child care plus time spent in housework and working for pay, the birth of a baby increased mothers’ total workload by 21 hours per week. In contrast, fathers’ total workload increased by only 12.5 hours per week. This represents a 70 percent greater increase in workload for women compared to men.

These differences cannot be explained away by differences in paid work hours or breastfeeding.

Mothers face intense parenting pressure

So, the question remains, why hasn’t fathers’ greater involvement substituted for mothers’ involvement, thus reducing the parenting burden on women?

What has happened is that middle-class families now follow the norm of “intensive parenting,” which dictates that parenting should be child-centered, guided by expert advice and costly in terms of time, money and emotional investment in order to produce the most successful child possible.

Picture modern parents scouring bookstores for the latest parenting manual and preschool math workbooks, fretting over their toddler’s picky eating habits and overloading their weekly schedules with children’s activities and playdates. This pressure to parent intensively does not fall equally on middle-class mothers and fathers, however. Because motherhood remains an idealized role, it is mothers who experience the greatest pressure to meet these unrealistic parenting standards.

Mothers who feel intense pressure to invest heavily in their children may also be reluctant to give up control over parenting. What ends up happening is that fathers spend less time in sole charge of their children. Research on parenting time shows that women are in sole charge of their children for nearly one-third of their time whereas men only for about 8 percent of their time.

Thus, even fathers who are highly involved coparents may experience parenting primarily in the company of children’s mothers and more rarely on their own.

Mothers do more multitasking

Another area in which subtle, persistent inequality exists is multitasking – especially doing several unpaid work activities (e.g., housework and child care) at the same time. Do you want to learn more about the teaching money management then please follow my blog and send your questions in the comment section.

There are good habits and bad habits, but these five healthy ones are keepers!

You do all you can think of to prevent your child from coming down with a cold or an upset tummy — from feeding her balanced meals to scrubbing the floors she plays on. But that’s only half the battle: She has to learn how to keep herself healthy. And there’s plenty of lessons to teach her: Start by explaining that germs are responsible for the yucky feeling she gets when she’s sick. Then instruct her on healthy habits. You’ll have to demonstrate these hygiene lessons over and over, but pretty soon she’ll be able to grasp them — and follow through on them (at least most of the time!). So what are the most important lessons to start with? The top-five healthy habits for children are:

HEALTHY HABIT #1: Give Hands a Good Scrub

Hand washing tops the list of healthy habits children should learn for one simple reason: Doing it often — and doing it right — prevents the spread of germs that can cause the flu and other infections. That’s a lot of sore throats, runny noses, and just-plain-ickiness a child can avoid simply by stepping up to the sink, especially at key times: before eating or heading to the playroom with a friend (this will keep germs on shared toys to a minimum), after coming in from playing outside, and after sneezing, coughing, petting an animal, or using the potty.

What’s more, even a baby can start to pick up on this all-important healthy habit — by watching as you wipe off her hands; and then, when she’s old enough to follow simple directions, by mastering these hand-washing how-tos:

1. Use warm water and soap.
2. Make lots and lots of suds; bubbles trap germs.
3. Scrub for at least 20 seconds — about the time it takes to sing the ABC song or “Happy Birthday” twice through (at normal — not breakneck! — speed).
4. Rub fronts and backs of hands, and between every little finger: Friction is as important as soap and water for getting little mitts clean.
5. Rinse thoroughly, so that every single germ goes down the drain.
6. Dry hands on a clean towel or air-dry them.

HEALTHY HABIT #2: Do the “Sleeve Sneeze”

What’s next on the list of healthy habits for children? When your kid feels an “achoo” coming on and there’s no tissue in sight, show him how to let loose into the inside of his elbow, rather than into his hand or the air. This way germs won’t wind up on his fingers — 80 percent of germs are transferred through touch — or spewed out into the air. This healthy habit applies to coughs as well — and to you too, so be a good role model whenever you sneeze sans tissues.

HEALTHY HABIT #3: Toss That Tissue!

Once your child has mastered the fine art of nose-blowing, get her into the habit of disposing of dirty tissues right away, rather than leaving them lying around on a table or the floor: Some bacteria and viruses can live for several hours outside the body, so getting rid of tissues is another healthy habit for children to learn. Make sure there’s a trash can in every room your child spends time in or teach her to flush yucky tissues down the toilet.

HEALTHY HABIT #4: Don’t Share

Certain items can harbor germs and other icky things, so your child will have to learn that some things are not meant to be shared. Explain to your child that while it’s nice to let pals play with toys, there are things he should keep to himself — namely combs, brushes, and hats (sharing these items is the number-one way lice spread from kid to kid); toothbrushes; cups, forks, and drinking straws; whistles, horns, and other objects you put your mouth on (good luck with that one!); and, of course, tissues.

HEALTHY HABIT #5: Flush and Flee

Now for some potty talk: While it’s tempting for a child (particularly a toddler who’s in the middle of toilet training) to want to watch the precious products of her efforts swirl away, it’s not such a great idea to encourage her to do this. With every flush, droplets of water containing minute particles of whatever was just deposited (yes, that means pee, poop, or vomit) spew into the air. Not only could this geyser of germs land directly on your kid, it could settle on nearby surfaces. So if you want your children to pick up this particular healthy habit, show them how to put down the lid (carefully, of course — a mashed finger isn’t any more fun than a tummy ache that can result from the type of bacteria lurking in the toilet.).

Do you want to learn more about the money management for children then please follow my blog and send your questions in the comment section.

Do you feel “lifted up” and more positive after your exchange with this person?

Positivity is a state of mind. It is being mindful of the importance of having a positive attitude about life, despite challenges that come our way. Reflecting on what is good in our lives assists us in maintaining a positive attitude. The day to day responsibilities of being a parent can put us in a “doing” mode rather than a “being” mode. As a result, it can be challenging for parents to maintain a positive mindset. It is valuable for parents to take active steps to cultivate positivity for themselves and their families.

Having a positive outlook doesn’t mean you never feel negative emotions, such as sadness or anger, says Dr. Barbara L. Fredrickson, a psychologist and expert on emotional wellness at the University of North Carolina, Chapel Hill. “All emotions—whether positive or negative—are adaptive in the right circumstances. The key seems to be finding a balance between the two,” she says.

“Positive emotions expand our awareness and open us up to new ideas, so we can grow and add to our toolkit for survival,” Fredrickson explains. “But people need negative emotions to move through difficult situations and respond to them appropriately in the short term. Negative emotions can get us into trouble, though, if they’re based on too much rumination about the past or excessive worry about the future, and they’re not really related to what’s happening in the here and now.”

How parents can cultivate positivity for themselves & their families

• Communication and building a meaningful relationship with your child, partner, and key people in your life is a valuable first step to creating positivity in your life. It is important to be aware of your tone of voice, body language, and attitude when you are speaking with them. Simply be present and listen.

• Focus on the interaction in the moment instead of being preoccupied with responsibilities on the to-do list or the comment you want to make. By staying present with your family, you are not only creating more positivity, but you are building a deeper connection with them. This in turn will model meaningful communication and connections for your children.

• It is important that parents nurture themselves. It is essential for parents to nurture their mind and body on a daily basis as it will cultivate positivity in their lives. Pay attention to your thoughts, feelings, and actions. Think about a concern or situation with a new perspective, take time to eat well, exercise, practice meditation and yoga, connect with others, and engage in activities that bring you joy.

• Take time out of your schedule on a regular basis to go on a family walk. Spending time together to explore nature or a new place is a wonderful way to deepen relationships and cultivate a positive lifestyle for your family.

• Engage in community causes and volunteer for organizations that are meaningful to you. Encourage your family to get involved, too!

• Another way parents can create more positivity in their lives is to monitor their self talk. It is helpful for parents to ask themselves these questions: Are my self-statements promoting positivity in my life or inhibiting it in some way? How does it impact my relationships?

• Practice replacing negative self talk with positive self statements and gratitude for the good in your life are essential. When parents are mindful of a positive attitude it becomes infectious at home. This is a great teachable moment for your child and you are creating a positive home environment.

Do you want to learn more about the children’s books about economics then please follow my blog and send your questions in the comment section.